


Our Hearts

by Holy_moly



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/F, Soulmates, Tattoos, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-08
Updated: 2017-08-10
Packaged: 2018-05-25 11:22:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 81,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6193069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Holy_moly/pseuds/Holy_moly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alternative universe where the nuclear apocalypse never happened. Clarke is still born in space and Lexa is born on earth but they still manage to meet. Plus soulmate tattoos because why not?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In The Beginning

_"History Log, file339, Last Edited by Councilman ~~East~~ (Deceased)_

The end of the world was near. The war had been raging for so long it seemed as though it would never end. The days of mankind seemed limited when thirteen space stations entered orbit. Then, the unimaginable happened.

The power grid across the globe was lost. No one knew how it started but when the lights went out, the armies rose against their leaders and fought to end the world war that pitted brother against brother. Armies became one in a common goal to achieve peace and world leaders were overthrown. A new world order came into power. Peace conventions began to occur across the globe seemingly overnight.

The rise of the new order occurred not only because of rebellions but because of what we now understand to be the ALIE program. It was the AI who masterfully disabled the power grid and all forms of war craft used by every army including nuclear power across the globe. The world was without power and the armies of man were forced to see all of the pain they had inflicted not only on themselves but the earth as well. The council has no knowledge of how the original 13 were chosen. We believe the seats were assigned by the AI program but we have no evidence to back up this claim.

However, after the original council of thirteen were chosen and given power and world peace was finally achieved, the earth and space celebrated. Plans to rebuild the planet had begun. The council sent word to the space stations, inviting them to return to the ground. Only one station, Polaris, decided to return.

From what we understand, Polaris was returned to earth to install a new AI program made by ALIE’s creator. Because of a mechanical failure in ALIE’s base programming, a failsafe program was designed to protect against ALIE’s eventual failure. She was put into place on earth to keep her sister program in check. The creator called her REBCA. ALIE remained in charge of the running of the planet along with the council while the creator and REBCA began research and development for a new program called NIGHTBLOOD ( _classified information, request for further files to be made in person in Washington D.C._ )

The other twelve stations joined together in what was named The Ark and began to live alongside one another. The council commended The Arkers for their bravery and remained steadfast in their offer: If ever a time comes when you need to return to the earth, we will be here to guide you back. Henceforth the ground and The Ark have remained in touch.

The unification of mankind was of the utmost importance to the AI and a program was seeded that would connect all of humanity in a global biological network. The nanotechnology that was created during the fighting was to be repurposed to begin a new era of medicine.

Global shipments (and space station shipments) of the nanos were sent out immediately after successful human trials. Taken orally, the nanos multiplied and migrated into the host’s bloodstream. The programmable micromachines were then able to reduce and cease any illness almost instantly. The machines were able to track all aspects of their host health from heart rate to bone density. ALIE and the council then created the global database. All nanomachines were able to link their host’s information to the database and further enable higher global health standards.

The council’s task was still incomplete. Global health was at its peak but happiness and hope remained at a historically low point among the people of earth and space. Thus, the SOULmate program was born. A new program was installed on specialized nanos which enabled them to link with their host brain to track everything that made up their hosts personality. A new database was then formed and partners were chosen based on their likeliness of happiness and/or breeding capabilities among many other common relational bonding traits. Because of the amount of information collected in the database, it was decreed that individual’s would not learn who their perfect match was until their 20th birthday. On that day, the specialized nanos release a chemical that stains the skin with the first name of the individual’s chosen partner. ( _See SOULmate FAQ or visit program headquarters in Washington D.C. for further information on locating your match. Note: Many program files remain classified and special authorization from one or more council members is required to gain access to them.)_

The rise in happiness increased steadily throughout the years. The council remained in power and ALIE became dormant. The world was at peace at last.

In keeping with the original agreement made by the first council, the earth continued to support the Ark in all their endeavors. For 100 years, ALIE and the council continued to send anything the Arker’s requested, including but not limited to tools, farming supplies, technology, nanos, etc. But as the old saying goes, what goes up must come down. An engineer aboard the Ark, ( _Griffin, Jake – citizen #33445436)_ discovered a mechanical failure while on duty and reported it to the council without delay. Because of him, the entirety of the Ark will be saved. The council is commissioning ships to retrieve the citizens as we speak. Chancellor Jaha stated in a special report that Griffin has been awarded—"

 

 

Clarke tears her eyes from the global report. It’s only been three days since the announcement and the council has already updated the history books.

“How do they expect us to be able to write reports when history gets updated the day after anything happens? We can never remain current because if you write a paper, in two days it will be old news and also false,” Wells says as he covers his eyes with his hand tiredly. Her friend’s usually chipper attitude went out the window with everyone else’s as soon as it was announced they were going back to Earth.

Clarke rubs her temples to try to soothe the headache she feels coming on as she says, “The good news is we don’t have to finish this assignment! Honestly, Wells, why are we still studying this? I feel like we need to be packing or something.”

“I’m scared Clarke.”

This freezes her in her tracks as she slowly opens her eyes to watch her best friend. His hand is placed in his jacket pocket where she knows he’s holding on tightly to the black knight chess piece. The dark circles under his eyes match hers. She reaches across the table and grabs his hand, rubbing her thumb across his knuckles.

“Me too,” She admits, “but we will not be alone down there. All of us will be new to the ground but the council has already made plans for our housing and education so we won’t be left out in the cold.”

She smiles at him, hoping he’ll smile back but all he does is nod in acknowledgement. Wells stands abruptly and starts gathering his papers. He places them in his bag and faces Clarke with a grin.

“Well you don’t have to finish this paper but I know I’m going to have a higher grade than you in earth history before we leave this station. If it takes us going to the ground for me to finally beat you, then so be it.”

Clarke jumps up to punch his shoulder but then gathers him in a hug, surprising both of them. She pushes him away and looks deep into his eyes as she says, “In your dreams, Wells. In your dreams.”

 

**_Two days later_ **

“Happy early birthday Clarke!”

Clarke reaches out quickly to yank the party horn out of Octavia’s mouth before she can blow it in her face again. Everyone heaves a sigh of relief and Jasper shouts, “Thank you!” from the back of the room.

“Aww! You’re no fun!” Octavia turns to pout out the window until Raven dashes in and squeezes her sides to make her giggle.

“Hey no pouting at the table! You’re lucky Clarke got to you first because I was going to do something much worse than just take it!”

They wrestle a few minutes before Abby bursts in with a motherly, “Hey, no wrestling around the food! Reyes, Blake, so help me I will send you to Earth the quick way if you make me drop this cake! It took me weeks to save up to buy this!”

Clarke leans back in her seat and watches as her mother attempts to separate the two girls away from the feast. It’s the last day before the exodus and a day before Clarkes 20th birthday. The ships from Earth were supposed to be arriving any minute and everyone was required to pack the ships before take-off tonight. Abby manages to wrangle the two girls back into their seats and places two giant slices of cake in front of them. Any food that requires a flame to cook it is considered a delicacy in space and the two goofballs momentarily forget their squabble and savor their first bites of the spongy sugar bread. 

As she sat in her chair and watched her closest friends enjoy their last meal in space, a hand was placed on Clarke's shoulder and her father’s voice said, “Happy early birthday, kiddo.”

As she turned to look a package was placed in front of her, wrapped in what appeared to be printed global reports. A metal handle stuck out of one end, either because wrapping it would take too long or he ran out of paper.

“Dad, what is this? I told you guys you didn’t have to get me anything! We’ll be going to Earth and we’ll be able to get anything we need there.” Clarke stood and gave her dad and mom hugs anyway, thankful at least for the chance to have something to distract her from leaving her home.

“It’s just a little something to keep you busy when we get there. You won’t be going to school for at least a week after orientation but mom and I are going to have to start work immediately,” He paused to wink in Clarke’s direction as he grabbed his wife’s waist, “Well, I’ll be working. I’m not sure what your mother will spend her time doing. Don’t the robots do all your work for you?”

Abby pretends to be mad but really they’re in love and you can tell when she turns to swat his hands away and hand him a stack of plates with which she tells him, “Pass these plates to our guests, Jake.”

He sheepishly turns and begins to dole out plates and Clarke returns to her gift. Raven and Octavia have returned to their seats across from her and begin to pelt her with questions for the 100th time that day.

“So what will we be doing when we get to Earth? Do you know if I’ll get assigned since I’m not in school? Do you think there will be cute guys in my assignment? What are you going to be doing when you get there? Are you excited to be getting your tattoo? Only one day away right? Are you ever going to open that present?”

“Guys!” Clarke says, “Concerning the exodus, I know as much as you do. Concerning my tattoo, yes and no. I’m excited to see who it is but I’m also not excited.”

Octavia and Raven raise their eyebrows in unison at her across the table.

“Uh OK? What does that mean exactly?”

Clarke knows exactly what it means but she refuses to tell her friends what she’s worried about. Clarke has never been worried about who she may get stuck with until she recently studied the SOULmate program with Wells.

 _“… based on their likeliness of happiness and/or breeding capabilities_ …” _The council makes it sound so romantic._ The last thing Clarke wanted was to get matched with someone because of their “breeding capabilities”.

”It’s nothing. I just don’t want to get matched up with the wrong person.”

Raven lets out an exasperated sigh as she traces the whirling script on her wrist and says, “Open your damn present, Princess! I want to see what Daddy Griffin got you! Plus, it’s impossible to be matched up with the wrong person. The science is infallible!”

“Says the person who is matched with someone NOT on the Ark!” Octavia smear cake across the name in contempt and pretty soon a frosting war has begun across the table from the birthday girl.

“At least I’m old enough to have one!”

Clarke begins to remove the tape at the corners as she says, “Hey watch the frosting! Also, please don’t call him ‘Daddy’. I know what you mean when you say that. You forget that I was there, sitting at the table right beside you, when you and O had that conversation.”

Raven and Octavia exchange a look before bursting out laughing at the table. The laugh so long that Clarke unwraps the gift and opens it before they can even try to get control of themselves.

Octavia wipes her eyes with a napkin as she finally is able to speak again, “Oh shit, that was good. I totally forgot you were there when we were talking about that. Good times Clarkey, good times. So what is it? A parachute?”

Clarke glances over the lid of the briefcase. The girls can only see her eyes but they can tell she’s smiling as she turns the gift to face them.

“Oh no,”

“Oh yes!”

“Oh for Pete’s sake Clarke! More art supplies?”

The inside of the box is lined with charcoal, colored pencils, calligraphy pens, brushes and oil paints organized neatly around brand new sketchpad.

“God, like you needed anymore art supplies! Now we’ll never see you after we get to Earth.” At that Raven begins to mock cry on Octavia’s shoulder in a lament for their artistic friend.

“Just think of it this way Raven,” she picks up the other girls head and holds it inches from hers, “More guys for us!”

“No way!” Bellamy says from down the table where he sits between Wells and Monty.

“Yes way!”

Raven and Octavia’s hands impact in a high five at the same time the floor rocks beneath them. Drinks fly into the floor and Clarke slams the lid closed on her suitcase before anything can ruin her brand new paper. Three more jolts batter the room in quick succession and eventually the Ark returns to stillness.

“That,” Jake says shakily as he helps his wife stand, “is our cue to head to the loading bay. Clarke, gather your things together. Octavia and Bellamy, get back to your mother and keep an eye out. Reyes, you head out with me and Jaha. We’ll escort you back to your place. It’s about to get crazy and I don’t want anything to happen to any of you. Everyone else, get your things together and get to the shuttles ASAP.”

Everyone splits into groups, Bellamy and Octavia leaving quickly after saying goodbye to the Griffins and Raven. Then Raven, Jaha, Wells and Jake leave to escort Wells and Raven back home and also to greet the exodus crew as Ark representatives. Raven and Clarke share a goodbye and Clarke wishes her luck knowing full well that the next time they meet might be on the ground. She quickly hugs Wells and says, “See you soon,” before walking him to the door. Soon the entire party leaves Abby and Clarke alone to pack and head to the shuttles.

“Hey,” Abby meets Clarke as she heads toward her bedroom for the last time. Clarke manages to smile weakly at her mother as she holds the suitcase her father gave her against her chest. Abby reaches out to take the case from her daughter’s shaking hands.

“I know you’re scared honey. I’m scared too but this is what’s best for us now. The Ark is falling apart and we can’t survive here any longer.”

Clarke reaches for her mother and Abby wraps her up without hesitation.

 

**_The Loading Bay_ **

Clarke stands alongside her mother and Wells while they wait for Jake to emerge from the ships. The crowd mills impatiently behind them, creating a tension in the air that can almost be tasted. Like Clarke, many of the Arkers are angry about leaving their home. The stations lasted for generations and many believe that the council can in fact fix the ship but have chosen not to in order for the citizens to return to Earth. Adults and children alike grumble and moan as they wait for the doors to open. Clarke can feel the piercing stares as she faces the window overlooking the planet. Her knees ache from standing so long but she refuse to look meek in front of the people who blame her family for the exodus so she walks to the nearest window for an excuse to move around.

_Fuck you and your stares. I don’t want to leave my home as much as them but do you think they would care? NO of course not._

“Don’t worry about them, Clarke.” Wells moves beside her and watches the crowd as she looks out the window. He places his bags next to hers and stretches his arms to the ceiling.

“Just worry about making it to the ground and making a life for yourself. Not to mention finding your match.” At that he turns and winks at her with a sneaky grin and Clarke can’t help but smile back.

”Oh no, not you too. Did Octavia put you up to this? That’s not really a high priority for me right now Wells.”

“No Octavia didn’t put me up to it,” Wells’ grin falters and he turns her to look at him, “I just know you Clarke. Something is bothering you about the tattoo. Is it because what we read yesterday? About your 'Breeding capabilities'?”

As per usual, Wells is able to hit the nail right on the head.

“You know, you don't know everything… but yes that’s what worries me. I don’t want to be matched with someone because of breeding capabilities. What does that even mean anyway? It makes me sound like I’m some prize livestock. I’m more than just an animal to be bred.”

“C’mon Clarke. Let’s get back to your mom,” Wells bends to pick up their bags and waits for Clarke to lead the way back through the crowd.

“You know there’s more to it than that right? That doesn’t technically mean you will be matched to someone because you would have beautiful children. It’s actually really complicated. Trust me, Clarke I know where you’re coming from but I’ve done some extensive research on this and you have nothing to worry about.”

_Yeah nothing to worry about._

“Easy for you to say. You already have yours.”

Obviously without thinking about it, Wells reaches up and rubs the side of his neck where the boxy four letter name stares back at Clarke.

“Trust me, Griff. It’s almost… a relief? Yeah I would say it’s relieving to know you won’t be alone your whole life. Not that there’s even a great chance I could find them. But with a name like Echo, I like to think when we do find each other, it will be obvious. At least it’s better than Gina right? Poor Bellamy. He’ll be looking for ages.”

_Do I even want a mate? Is that all we have to look forward to? Looking for someone who may or may not make us happy for the rest of our lives?_

A wailing creak interrupts her thoughts as the door to the ship swings open. Three figures stand alone in the doorway and Clarke soon realizes it’s Jaha, her father, and one more figure standing between them.

The figure is thin and only a little taller than Clarke. The armor they’re wearing over the black flight suit is painted mostly brown and green, with little dashes of grey where the paint has been chipped off. On the breastplate of the stranger near the upper right hand corner is a thin red infinity symbol, hand painted by the looks of it. A red bandana peeks out of the left sleeve underneath the tight black fabric. The helmet covering their head is similarly painted with only a small C painted in red on the right temple. Clarke stands at attention as Jaha begins to go over the plans for the exodus but finds herself unable to look away from the figure overlooking the crowd next to her father.

Something seems so familiar about that person. Maybe it’s the way they stand or maybe it’s the way they hold their head up proudly overlooking the Arkers. Without knowing why, Clarke’s heart begins to race. Her head suddenly is filled with air and the world around her fades as she watches the figure look in her direction then swiftly back at Jaha. It’s almost as if a memory tickles at the back of Clarke’s mind, like a word you almost remember before it flits away. It makes Clarke want to grind her teeth together in frustration.

“Hey,” Wells jabs her with his elbow, “What’s wrong with you? You looked pissed.”

Clarke quickly wipes the frown off her face and shakes her head. She looks down at the metal floor and tries to bring the images at the back of her mind to the front but fails. She glances through her eyelashes at the stranger and catches herself following their graceful legs up to their ass. The figure turns their chin slightly back toward Clarke and she drops her eyes again as she pretends to adjust her luggage.

_Stop staring, Clarke…_

She watches as the figure leans over to speak in her father’s ear and he laughs and points straight at Clarke and her mother. The figure turns to them and stands up straighter, raising their chin slightly. Clarke’s mother waves to the figure and Clarke’s face turns beet red.

_Oh my god, mom no. Stop waving. Please stop waving._

She begins to sweat when she looks up and sees the figure looking towards her again with their head tilted slightly to the left. She looks back at Jaha and tries to focus on what he’s talking about.

_Hopefully I didn’t miss anything important. What was that anyway? Maybe I know them but why did I get so embarrassed? Like seriously, calm down. Clarke Griffin does not get embarrassed by strangers! Geez._

“… Each ship is able to carry over 600 passengers each, which means that there is more than enough room for everyone on this first trip. The commander has assigned crew members to check people in at each dock. There will be lines of two and all you need to do is look into the scanner and the crew will allow you onto the ship once your information has been processed.”

“But what if you don’t want to be processed? What if you would rather stay here and hang what Jake Griffin has to say about my home falling apart.” The man’s statement was met with nods of assent and overwhelming agreement from many of the Arkers.

Clarke looks back and forth between the man who spoke out and her father. Knowing that something like this was bound to happen, Jake forced Clarke to promise not to say anything when the time came for him to defend himself and his discovery. She watched him step forward but before he could speak the man continued.

“The way I see it, there are more of us than there are exodus crew members. I’ll bet they don’t have any weapons and I’ll even bet they can’t force me to go. What will they do? Drag us onto the ships? They’re not dragging me anywhere! I’d love to watch them try!”

The crowd begins to rise up behind Clarke. She feels the slight stirrings of panic as she grabs onto her mother’s hand and begins to make their way to the doors of the ship. The crowd surges forward with her and begins to close the gap between her and her father. Jake takes a step toward them but is stopped by an arm across his chest. Then the crowd closes them off altogether and Clark hears three swift pops go off above her head. The Arkers hit the deck and are silenced by a quick shout.

“Shut up!”

Clarke looks up from the ground to see the commander standing at the head of the crowd with a gun faced toward the ceiling. They place the weapon in its holster on their hip and proceed to remove their helmet. As they lift the helmet, a cascade of thick brown hair filled with braids falls from underneath it and flows over the armor. They place the helmet under their arm and for the first time Clarke sees that it’s a girl. Her bright green eyes are surrounded by a thick charcoal mask and her lips face down in a gruff scowl. She steps forward to replace the chancellor at the head of the crowd. Her voice is loud and commanding as she address the crowd.

“My name is Commander DeForrest and I will be answering any and all questions regarding the exodus policies but first let’s get a few things straight, starting with your first concern: yes, we brought weapons. They are a part of our uniform in the Tree Crew garrison. These weapons were not brought to use against any Arker and none of my crew will threaten you with them,” As she’s speaking, the girl is moving through the crowd toward Abby, Wells, and Clarke, “Second, yes we would like everyone to board the ship in an orderly fashion. Our mission is to safely return as many people to Earth as we can.”

The commander has made her way to the group and extends a hand first to Wells and Abby. She points them to the doors of the ship and turn to extend a hand to Clarke. She reaches out and grasps the woman’s slender fingers and raises to her feet. A pop of static passes between the woman’s black gloved hand and Clarke’s finger but they grasp each other without hesitation and Clarke lets out an audible sigh of relief. As she stands and their eyes meet, Clarke’s heart thumps unevenly in her chest causing her breathe to catch in her throat. Clarke has never seen anyone more beautiful in her life. The eyes looking back are wide and green and familiar. The first words that spring to Clarke’s mind become the words she will associate with the woman for the rest of their lives.

_Where have you been?_

The commander hesitates a moment while looking into Clarke’s eyes. Recognition and confusion dance across the soldier’s eyes but she clenches her jaw and releases Clarke’s hand before turning the girl and pressing her toward her parents. She reaches down to grab the luggage Clarke somehow forgot and continues, “Lastly, no, we will not force you aboard the ship. If you wish to stay because you believe you are capable of surviving without oxygen, be our guest. We’re here to help you and not hinder you. But be warned, according to calculations provided to the council you have less than 5 days’ worth of oxygen. We will not be able to return in time to rescue anyone who chooses to stay. Now, if there are no more questions or concerns, feel free to start two lines here and here. Check in will begin shortly.”

Clarke finally reaches her parents and are swooped into their arms for a tight hug.

“Thank you Commander DeForrest,” Clarke hears her father say above her head, “That almost got ugly.”

"Nothing a few blank bullets can't handle."

Clarke turns and sees the commander holding her bags out to her. Clarke can feel her face heating up again at forgetting her luggage so she reaches for the bags and mumbles a thank you at the floor.

_God what is wrong with me? Why am I acting like this! Look at her face, stupid! It’s just a soldier, look at her face!_

Commander DeForrest smiles slightly at the young woman’s shyness. “You’re welcome, Clarke.”

Clarke forces herself to look up from the floor into DeForrest’s eyes before the commander can turn to walk away. The bright summer green calms her enough to gather her thoughts. She feels right looking into this woman’s eyes. Her heart rises and falls in her chest as the soldier’s eyes look her face over and again. A lightness creeps into the eyes that Clarke didn’t know seemed haunted until now. For a moment, the ice fractures and Clarke can see tenderness beneath the frozen surface. In a flash it’s gone but her heart clenched at the thought of never seeing it again and her courage returned.

“I know my father must have told you who I was but I still don’t know who you are,” Clarke’s hand shoots out towards the woman, “Clarke Griffin, nice to meet you.”

DeForrest smiles and removes the glove on her right hand before grasping Clarke’s hand in hers, “Lexa DeForrest, very nice to meet you too Clarke Griffin.”

Their touch is electric. It travels from Clarke’s fingers to her chest and she feels the heat start to rise from her neck but it’s not because of embarrassment this time. Her cheeks reach a full rosy color and Lexa’s grip tightens as she inhales sharply. Their eyes never leave each other and Clarke watches as Lexa’s pupils begin to dilate and wonder idly if hers are doing the same. Clarke smells a subtle hint of spice like cinnamon but darker. It’s hot and sweet but barely in the air so Clarke dismisses it as an illusion. They hold onto each other for half a second too long but are interrupted by a sharp crackle of the radio on Lexa’s left hip.

“Commander! The unit awaits your order to begin civilian check-in.”

Lexa releases first and shakes her head as she yanks the radio from her hip and turns toward the crowd.

“Ten-four, Lieutenant Indra, begin civilian check-in. Civilians who wish to stay will be allowed to do so. Over.”

“Ten-nine Commander DeForrest?”

Lexa’s eyes glace back in Clarke’s direction and the girl can see a conflict doing battle in the commander’s eyes but DeForrest doesn’t hesitate when she says, “No civilians will be forced to board the ships. Over.”

“Ten-four Commander. Over and out.”

Lexa places the radio back on her hip and starts to gather her mass of brown hair to put her helmet back on, facing Clarke’s family the entire time.

“You better check your family in Mr. Griffin. See you around, Clarke.”

Clarke doesn’t let herself stop to think about that last statement as she steps forward before the commander can escape.

“You’re not really going to let anyone stay, right?”

Lexa turns to face Clarke one last time, “I have my orders Clarke. No skirmishes, no resistance. I can’t force them to come if they don’t want to. But I wouldn’t worry too much. I don’t think any of these people doubt your father’s word as much as they say.” Clarke gains some courage and reaches for the commander as she turns again and grasps her arm lightly.

“Thank you for your help earlier.”

Lexa flinches at the touch and takes a step back as she says to Clarke, “See you on the ship.”

She’s hurt from the abrupt nature of the woman’s exit but Clarke and her family watch the young commander disappear into the crowd. They then make their way to the crew members inside the ship’s entrance.

“What was that kiddo? Found a new hero huh? She’s cute right? I knew you’d like her.”

“Shut up dad,” Clarke reaches out to grab her art supplies from her father’s hand but she can’t help but smile.

_Maybe Earth won’t be so bad._

**_Later, on the ship_ **

Clarke’s family had made themselves comfortable in one of the upper seating areas. Her pulse was thudding in her neck and she felt lightheaded at every new noise that signaled that the ship was preparing to disconnect from the Ark. She never imagined that she, Clarke Griffin, top of her class and president of nearly every club in her school, would be afraid of flying.

“Clarke, honey, are you ok? You look a little more pale than usual.” Clarke’s mother looked across the aisle at her from her seat next to Jake.

Clarke tried to loosen her grip on the belts strapped across her shoulders but reattached quickly when a loud bang echoed through the seating gallery. She tried to take a deep breath in to calm herself but all she managed was quick gasp. Her head was spinning again.

“Hey kiddo, do you want me to move over there? You’re looking a little… unsettled…” Jake started to reach for his release button. He and her mother had been eyeballing Clarke wearily across the aisle almost as if they were waiting for her head to explode off her shoulders or something worse to happen.

“No dad! I’ll be fine! It’s just flying anyway. You stay there next to mom. Wells might come along and I can puke in his lap instead.”

Jake’s hand left his release button and he leaned his head back slowly and placed his free hand on his wife’s thigh. Her mother’s name is thickly lined in black on the back of his right hand, showing off his mate to every person he meets.

“Sorry to break it to you but Wells will be staying with his dad for this flight. They’re in the shuttle next to ours. Now would you like me to move? It won’t be the first time you’ve puked on me, kid.”

She knows he’s kidding but she can’t bring herself to smile or even acknowledge he’s spoken to her. Her stomach is rolling as the speaker crackles somewhere above their heads and a voice thunders through the ship.

“ _This is your Sky Crew Exodus Flight Captain Finn speaking, we’ll be initiating flight sequences in t-minus 5 minutes. If you will please find your seats and buckle up, we’re in for a bumpy ride. Haha! I’m just kidding. It will be smooth sailing all the way to the ground. I hope you brought your parachutes! Thank you for flying- ow! OK I’ll leave it.”_ A crash in the cockpit room and a fresh scream of agony and arguing voices can be heard directly over the family and to the left. Clarke looks over at the staircase leading to the room directly above their heads and can only imagine what’s happening to that stupid pilot.

_I hope he’s getting his ass kicked._

“Now I’m definitely going to lose it.” She closes her eyes slowly as she breathes in and out in counts of three.

“Geez who is that kid? That’s the most unprofessional shit I’ve ever heard!”

“Jake leave it! He’s probably some recruit fresh out of flight school. Just let it go. This flight won’t take long enough to make it worth it. Here’s let’s move next to Clarke.”

“If I get out of this seat, I’m marching to that cockpit.”

“Mom, dad,” Clarkes swallows thickly around the saliva building up in her mouth before continuing, “While I appreciate the sentiment, neither of you are helping right now.”

The door to the cockpit opens and closes slowly above their heads and they hear multiple footsteps echo down the metal staircase. The first person to appear is a young man with shaggy brown hair hanging over his eyes holding his nose closed with his left hand. The sleeve of his flight jacket is spotted with blood droplets, either his own or someone else. Behind him on either side are two men, one tall and lean and the other tall and wide with a thick scruffy beard. Both are dressed in Tree Crew armor with red hand painted symbols over their hearts. The smaller of the two has a set of elk antlers decorating his heart. The bigger man has a pair of worn battle axes. Following close behind the men is a familiar face, cradling her C stamped helmet under her arm.

Lexa smiles warmly at Clarke as she approaches behind the men. The group will have to walk down the aisle Clarke is seated in to reach the lower level.

“Hey,” The bloodied pilot says to Clarke as he passes her, causing her to remove her eyes from Lexa’s form descending the last few stairs, “How’re you doing, Princess?”

“Ugh,” Clarke feels her stomach roll again but this time at the terrible pick-up lines.

“Shut up!” Lexa shouts from behind the group, the power in her voice causing Clarke’s stomach to flinch but from excitement rather than sickness. The bigger of the two men pushes the pilot toward the stairs to get him moving again.

“Hey, hey! No need to get pushy, I’m going! Hey, girl, call me when you get to the ground. The names Captain Finn, but you can call me Finn. Don’t mind the nose. You should have seen the other guy.” He winks at her disgustingly as he passes by causing Clarke to grimace. _God, I hope he’s not the same Finn that Raven’s been obsessing over for the past year._ Finally he walks past her with his two guards and heads toward the stairs. He stops dead in the middle of the aisle and turn back to face Clarke, peeking around the bigger man's shoulder as he says, "You name wouldn't happen to be Raven, would it?"

Lexa passes by her without a glance, which probably would have hurt her if she hadn’t been so self-conscious of how terrible she looked. The commander arrives at the top of the staircase and pauses next to the pilot. She stands a few inches taller than the boy and bares her teeth at him as she says, "Move or your ass is grass, private. Impersonating an officer is still illegal." The stare down lasts for what seems a lifetime before the young man turns his eyes to the floor and begins to make his way down the staircase. Lexa never falters as she raises up to her full height to watch the group make their way down the stairs to the gallery below.

“Lincoln. Gustus can escort him to medical well enough. I need you for something else.”

The smaller of the men with the antlers approaches the commander and leans close to hear what she needs. Without hesitation, he passes the commander and heads back to the cockpit.

Clarke turns from watching him walk back up the stairs to see Lexa buckling herself into the seat next to her.

“Oh.”

Lexa pauses her movements to look at Clarke before asking, “Oh, I’m sorry, do you mind? This seat isn’t taken, is it?”

As much as she doesn’t want to embarrass herself in front of Lexa, Clarke doesn’t want her to leave. She catches herself counting the gold flecks dotting her soldier’s eyes as she mentally refrains from reaching out to touch the other girl’s jawline. _God, that thing could cut ice… where has she been all my life?_ Lexa seems to be thinking the something similar as she leans in closer to the blond, shifting between looking into her eyes and down at her lips. Lexa’s nostrils flare lightly at the proximity and Clarke smells the dark cinnamon scent lingering in the air again. She opens her mouth lightly and realizes she can _taste_ it and involuntarily clenches her thighs.

Maybe someone coughs, or another noise shakes the ships but one way or another Clarke and Lexa seem to realize how close they are at the same time because the commander clears her throat and they both lean back into their seats.

Clarke glances across the aisle to see her father and mother staring. Jake is looking at Abby with a slight grin turning his smile up at the ends and Abby is looking at Lexa like she imagining all the ways to murder a person with only your hands. She widens her eyes but Abby refuses to break the stare for even a second.

_Two can play at that game._

“You can stay. Actually, I’d prefer it if you would,” Clarke says as she turns and smiles widely at Lexa.

_Yes Clarke! There’s that good old self-confidence you’ve been lacking._

“Ahem…”

“… Hope we’re not interrupting anything.”

Without breaking eye contact Clarke smile fades and she say, “Commander, you remember my parents?”

Both of the girls turn simultaneously to see Jake Griffin now grinning from ear to ear while Abby Griffin continues to give Commander Lexa DeForrest the stare down of a lifetime. Before Clarke’s mom can say a word, a loud buzzer and flashing red lights erupt above their heads and Lexa returns to strapping herself into the chair next to Clarke. _Saved by the bell…_ Clarke turns from her mother back to Lexa and sees the same thought mirrored in her eyes. Her eyes reveal even the smallest emotion to Clarke, almost like she can hear the woman’s thoughts. Much to Clarke’s surprise and amusement, her eyes had turned from nervous to fearful within a few seconds of noticing Abby's hateful glare.

The ship begins a slow turn to remove itself from the Ark dock. Clarke faintly remembers she’s supposed to be afraid but only feels exhilaration. _We’re actually going. This is really going to happen._ She watches her parent’s faces and tries to remember why she didn’t want to leave. As she looks around the room she watches the same emotions pass through all of the Arkers surrounding her. _Why didn’t we do this sooner?_

Clarke feels a pressure on the ends of her fingers against the arm rest. As she glances down, she realizes that Lexa has placed her hand on top of Clarke’s. Her gloves have been removed and Clarke notices above all else that her skin is soft and her touch is light, hesitant even. She moves her hand to allow the other girl room to place hers and Lexa only grabs on tighter. She wraps her hand around Clarke’s palm and intertwines their fingers in a death grip. Clarke’s eyes wander up Lexa’s armored arm up to her face where she witnesses the fearless Commander… doing breathing exercises? Clarke watches as her eyes clench tighter with every swift turn or drop and Lexa’s jaws get stiffer and stiffer. She can only imagine what her teeth must be feeling. She squeezes Lexa’s hand gently and strokes the back of her hand with her thumb. The soldier opens her eyes slightly and gives a reassuring smile and squeeze back, relaxing her jaw muscles as she smiles. An easy breathe escapes Lexa’s chest and she places her head against the seat. Clarke follows suite and savors Lexa touch.

Clarke can’t help but watch the commander from the corner of her eyes as they descend. The muscles in her thighs and arms are fully flexed with nerves. She’s well defined, probably from the hard living of a soldier out in the brush. Clarke imagines how it would feel to poke the girl’s thigh while fully flexed. Then her mind starts to wander as she unconsciously strokes her thumb up and down on the skin of the other girl’s hand. She watches as the muscles, tight from straining against the rocking of the ship first go loose and then completely relax into the seat. Clarke watches as the girls knees start to slowly curve inward and the movement wakes them both from their trance.

Clarke drops Lexa’s hand as quickly as Lexa does the same. Her cheeks burn against the cool air flowing through the vents and she mumbles an apology which is almost impossible to hear over the sounds of the ship. She hears Lexa grunt in reply but when Clarke looks to the other girl, she sees her crammed into the furthest edge of the seat. Lexa’s neck is craned so far away, it almost looks like she’s looking back into the seat.

Fortunately the flight doesn’t last long. The moment they enter the atmosphere, the ride becomes calmer and Lexa removes herself from the seat without a word to Clarke or her parents. As she makes her way to the stairs, Clarke faintly wishes she would turn back around and say something. Anything. But she doesn’t.

Clarke can sense her mother working up to getting on to her for flirting on the flight in front of them. She tries to ignore it by removing their bags from the space above their seats. As she settles into a rhythm, she tries not to think about the way Lexa’s hand felt in hers or the way she looked while offering Clarke her hand. As she daydreams, Clarke mildly scratches her forearm. She reaches for another bag in the back and feels the itching sensation again so she pulls her arm out of the lock. Near the inside of the elbow joint, a red rash is starting to form. As she scratches, the rash goes from feeling like an itch to feeling like ants. A colony of fire ants crawling under her skin. Clarke scratches and scratches and finally starts to scream when the stinging turns to fire in her veins. The fire spreads through her arm to her fingers and she hears someone screaming for Lexa. She’s grasping her arm against her stomach, doubled over as if to guard anyone from touching it. Clarke’s vision starts to go black and she tumbles forward to meet the metal ground. Her knees hit first but soft slender hands grasp her shoulders and she’s held tight against someone chest.

“I’ve got you, Clarke, I’ve got you. It’s going to be ok. Dr. Griffin, she’s going to be fine but I need some sedatives now!”

The burn eases momentarily but returns as she’s placed gently on the floor. The last thing she sees is two summer green eyes surrounded by a mass of brown hair looking down at her. The eyes scream defiance and fear and a voice above her says, “Don’t be afraid Clarke, just focus on me. It won’t last long, I promise. Dr. Griffin, please, I’ve seen this before- ”

The pain starts to fade along with the voices but one last voice bursts through the grey fog before losing consciousness. The only voice.

“Don’t you dare leave me Clarke Griffin.”


	2. God created the Heaven and the Earth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke wakes up, things get crazy. Thanks for reading!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning!!! Mentions of season 3 episode 7!! If you can't handle that or Lexa's death, probably better not read... It's not much but it may cause flashbacks. I had to add to my story because it was pretty traumatizing for me and I still trying my best to deal with it. I'm so sorry if it affects anyone.

**_Somewhere between awake and asleep._ **

Clarke clenches and relaxes her fists as a storm rages above her. Her eyes flit from side to side as she analyzes the landscape surrounding her. She’s in the middle of a thick forest. There’s so many shades of green surrounding her, more green than she’s ever imagined there could be in one place. Her heart is pounding in her chest and the hot wind causes her to sweat. She feels droplets of perspiration slide down her back as she is preparing to dash. Then lightening crashes above her head and Clarke is tearing through the underbrush. Shadows flank her on either side sometimes running towards her and other times running in the same direction but each time she turns to catch them, there’s nothing.

The trees fade away and Clarke finds herself in a clearing. The thick blades of grass reach up to her thighs and tickle her open palms. She looks up and the cloud flashes blue, green, and yellow across her eyes. Clarke feels a wrenching deep in her chest and she begins to cry hot red tears. A flash of white lightening bursts into red and descends into her outstretched arms. She holds the material close to her face and weeps as she buries her face into it. It smells like fire and sweat and war and longing. Such sweet dark cinnamon longing. She falls to her knees and the grass beneath her wilts and rots as the weight of her sorrow seeps from her pores.

She begins to gasp for breath as she watches a tiny dark blot spread across the fabric. As it grows, it drips across her lap and her hands. The black substance is sticky and warm. She throws the red from her lap and screams as she scrambles away from heap of material on the rotten earth. The black seeps into the dirt as she turns on her heels and she’s inside a room she’s never seen before.

A bed surrounded by candles lies before her. A man in brown robes stands with his back to her, leaning intently over the fur covered mattress. Clarke’s eyes are drawn to the bed but her tears fog her vision. As she wipes at the liquid, she realizes her hands are still covered in the black coppery substance. The warmth coats her eyelids and her feet begin to move toward the bed involuntarily. She scrambles to turn her body from the furs. Whatever is there she doesn’t want to see it, doesn’t want to know-

_“You were right Clarke…”_

_No no no! Don’t look, can’t look, please no don’t it’s a dream it’s not real it’s not-_

_“NO!”_

Clarke shoots up from the bed and catches her IV on the rails, ripping the needle out of her skin. Adrenaline rushes through her body and she begins to yank tape and tubes away from her body. She pushes herself up from the bed without noticing the blood running freely from her vein. She doesn’t have time to question the sheer panic stimulating her urge to escape. She only knows she needs to get out, now, because she needs… someone. The missing information causes her to clench her jaws in frustration.

_Where is she?!..._ Her mind tries desperately to grab at the thought but it’s gone before Clarke can bring it fully into focus.

Her feet hit the floor and she finds herself looking for the nearest exit. Her room has two beds and hers is the furthest from the door. She turns to face the window but as she reaches for the latch her fingers only touch air. _What?_ The view is of an open field filled with flowers gently flowing in the wind. A mountain stands tall in the background, its peak covered in soft clouds. She reaches again for the lock and her finger pass through cold air, jamming abruptly as she makes contact with the wall behind the image. Clarke freezes as the sound of footsteps approach the door at her back.

As she turns the door opens and a nurse enters with a smile that quickly fades as she swiftly assess the situation in front of her. Hospital dress half open with blood spatter covering most of the machines in the room and the back wall make Clarke look like a lunatic who just found their first victim. A half second passes before the nurse raises one hand and begins to speak.

“Clarke,” she says softly as she takes a slow step into the room, “My name is Maya. It’s going to be ok sweetie. You’re in the isolation wing of the hospital. You’ve been here for about 48 hours. You had an accident.” The nurse is obviously the same age as Clarke but the slow tone and open stance relaxes Clarke enough to make her realize how psychotic she actually looks. Clarke feels like she’s been plucked from the strands of time. She watches the nurse approach and remembers another place. _A white room?_ Then it’s gone again, leaving her more confused than ever. Her heart continues to pound in her ears and her adrenaline screams at her to fight as she looks from the nurse to the ground to her arm where the vein is still bleeding freely. The darkness of the blood entrances her, languidly bringing her back to the quickly fading dream that awoke her from a drug-induced sleep. A sob escapes her chest and her hands go to her eyes to try to stop the emotions threatening to overtake her.

While her attention is diverted, the nurse quietly steps to the bed closest to the door and presses the call nurse button on the bedside. She looks up to see Clarke slowly breathing in as she grips her inner arm with the efficiency of a doctor’s daughter to staunch the bleeding. Her sigh is shaky as she looks at the nurse with tears preparing to spill over the edge of her eyelids.

“I’m sorry,” she starts out slowly, “I’m so sorry about the mess. Could you please call my mother? I don’t know what’s happening.”

The nurse has run from the room before she finishes her sentence.

Clarke closes her eyes as she continues to breathe air in her nose and out her mouth to try to ease the urge to run or fight. She tries to remember exactly how she got into the hospital but the last thing she remembers is fire in her arm and green panicked eyes above her. Almost absently she glances at the arm holding her vein closed and freezes.

A small black swirling line has appeared below the elbow joint on the inner side of Clarkes left arm. Below it, closer toward the middle of her inner forearm, a sideways tear shape shines just as bright against Clarke’s skin.

“What the fuck?” she mutters under her breath as she carefully traces the thick black lines. It’s not a name that has appeared on her arm but a single letter. The letter L becomes clearer the longer she runs her hand over it. The marks are raised slightly on her skin and are tender to the touch. The irritation her finger causes raises a bright outline outside the stain, framing it in a hot pink.

Her thoughts are interrupted by the door opening and closing softly and the tell-tale click of her mother lips as she looks at her from across the room.

“I can’t leave you alone for a second, can I?” Abby Griffin approaches Clarke with no hesitance and begins gently reapplying the mass of tubes and attachments to Clarke’s body.

“Your father just left. He wanted to stay until you woke up but he’s missed his first two days of work already.” She leaves the IV alone, eyeing it wearily, and opts instead to bandage her daughter’s arm. With Clarke’s medical needs met, Abby finally looks her daughter in the face.

“How do you feel?”

Clarke’s eyes are bloodshot and dark circles have appeared within the last two days. Abby and Jake hadn’t left her side until today and the very second she leaves, something happens. Abby wondered to herself how Clarke was even functioning. She had been heavily medicated because her vitals had been off the charts when they got to the emergency room so Abby above everyone else is shocked to see her daughter awake and standing on her own.

“I feel like shit.”

With her adrenaline spent, Clarke shakes her head to clear the fuzziness that is returning to blanket her thoughts. She tries to recall the entire dream but it’s quickly fading from her memory.

“I had a bad dream. I think? Yeah, I think that’s what it was. I’m not really sure though. It was like a memory? Like déjà vu. But it was terrible mom it was-” Her words are cut off by a tear that manages to escape her eye and land on her marked arm. The cool is momentarily refreshing but the pressure reminds Clarke of the real issue at hand.

“Have you seen this?” She holds up her left arm for closer inspection and her mother simply nods without looking away from Clarke. She reaches up gently and dries her daughter’s eyes with a quick swipe. Abby’s gaze and pursed lips indicate the amount of worry she is suffering so Clarke takes a steadying breath and allows herself to relax momentarily. When her emotions are in check, she lets herself continue.

“Well, what is it? Why isn’t there a name there? And what’s this extra thing down below it?”

Abby tightens the purse of her lips and pulls a container of alcohol wipes from her coat pocket and begins the methodically wipe the blood from Clarke’s arm and hand. Without looking at Clarke she says, “It looks like the letter L.”

Clarke tries to reign in her frustration at the way her mother is acting. At this rate, they won’t finish this conversation until tomorrow. Clarke knows this is not normal just from the way Abby is acting. When she gets nervous, her mother tends to distract herself with menial tasks in order to keep her true emotions from being revealed with face to face chatter. Clarke gently reaches out and grasps her mother’s wrist firmly. Abby ceases her cleaning and heaves out a heavy sigh.

“We don’t know what happened Clarke. When the nanos react, it’s supposed to be painless. People don’t even know about their marks until the next day. This is the first case I’ve seen of an individual having a seemingly allergic reaction to the nanos themselves. But I don’t think it’s so much that you’re allergic to the nanos,” Abby gently raises Clarke’s forearm to the light so they both can view the mark clearer. “You see where they started to release the dye and then stopped? It’s because your body started… reacting. The nanos had to simultaneously release the chemical stain and try to regulate your normal body functions. My best guess is that the multitasking nanos short circuited and burned you from the inside which is why your mark is unfinished. The dead nanos have been expelled but your nano count is extremely low right now. We tried to replace them with new machines but your body keeps rejecting them. We had to keep you medicated because it was, um, a painful process. Your body is still reacting to something, although we aren’t sure what. Someone from nano development has been dispatched to research this but we haven’t seen or heard from them yet.”

Abby gently releases Clarke’s arm and grabs her chin to make her daughter look into her eyes. “That’s all I know right now. I also know you ruined these sheets and bedcovers with your blood. I’m not planning on letting you go for another night so get up so I can change these out.”

As Clarke tries to stand her head begins to pound and Abby barely catches her before she barrels over the side of the bed.

“Ok maybe later.” Abby gently lays her back against the mattress. She straightens her hospital gown and reaches beneath the rail to press the call nurse button. As Clarke presses her fingers against her temples to relax the hammers beating against her skull, Abby crosses the room and pokes her head out the door to catch Maya before she can enter. Clarke hears her mother mention the words “testing” and “soon” in close succession and she stifles a groan. _I really don’t need this right now mom…_

She blinks and the pop of a handgun stiffens her spin and she shoots straight up in the hospital bed, eyes searching frantically for the source of the sound. The pain in her head causes her to retch at the sudden movement and her mother grabs a trashcan as she quickly returns to Clarke’s side. Clarke desperately reaches for her mother as she manages to lift her head and look around the room while she waits for the next pop.

“Mom, get behind the bed now!”

Abby pauses as she’s placing the bucket next to the bed and looks from Clarke to the door, “What? Why?”

Clarke’s heart starts to race again and she urgently tries to move her mother further away from the door at her back. “Didn’t you hear that?”

“I heard you almost vomit and that’s it. What’s wrong with your head? You keep rubbing your temple.”

“The gun!” Clarke burst, causing her vision to fade from the repetitious drumming behind her eyelids.

“Clarke,” Abby reaches out and places her hand on Clarke’s shoulders, “There’s no gun.”

“Yes there is! I heard it!”

“Honey, stop.”

Clarke has latched on to her mother’s jacket and is struggling to move her over. The hammers continue to beat in her head and white stars pop in her vision. Her mother bends and grabs onto Clarke’s shoulders. Abby looks into her panicked eyes and holds her steady.

“There’s no gun Clarke. I didn’t hear anything. It’s ok now. Lean back,” she says as she gently pressures Clarke into laying back on the bed again.

“It’s ok. I think you’re having hallucinations. Look around. Nobody is here. No bullet holes. It’s ok.”

Clarke forces herself to observe her surroundings and realizes her mother is right. No bullet holes and the fake view on the wall is undisturbed. Her heartrate instantly starts to slow down again and she feels heat spreading up her neck to her cheeks. The blurry, fur covered bed returns to the forefront of her mind and is gone again before she can fully grasp the image.

The door distracts them both as the nurse pokes her head back into the doorway.

“Dr. Griffin, someone from nano production is here to see Clarke but she wants to see you first. She says she needs to see her chart.”

Abby stands up straight and wipes the sweat from Clarke’s forehead. The pressure causes the nausea to return and she bends over the edge of the bed to heave into the can. Abby holds her hair and situates Clarke back in the bed before she turns to leave the room.

“Mom!” Clarke’s strangled cry freezes Abby in place, “What’s happening to me?”

Abby turns to face the girl in the bed. Both of their faces are ashen and Clarke’s face is covered in a thin sweat.

“I don’t know honey but I promise it’s going to be alright. You’re going to be fine.”

It’s a promise that may be impossible to keep and they both know it but Abby has to believe that it’s true. She leaves to meet the official in the isolation waiting room.

 

 

**_A short time later…_ **

“Well, it seems that I have most of the story here in your file but I have a few more questions for you Clarke.” The government official, or Nano Production Inspector, was a tall thin woman with her hair pulled back in a tight bun. She introduced herself as Anya but whether that was a first or last name remained a mystery. Her eyes were extremely serious, never betraying a hint of human emotion other than slight disgust.

A person like this may have made Clarke uncomfortable on a regular day but today was not a regular day. She had begun to run a fever while her mother was gone and her head was still pounding. Her mother had to reapply gauze to her inner elbow because her wound had opened up, soaking the old covering in fresh blood.

“What else do you need to know? My body is killing my nanos.” Her head pounded with every word but Clarke couldn’t contain her irritation at the whole situation. The inspector had walked in and talked with Clarke’s mother for what seemed like an eternity and then simply sat in the only chair available in the room, repeating the story written in her file. At the end she had said, “Is this information correct to the extent of your knowledge?”

Clarke had nodded and replied with a tense, “Yes.”

Anya had slowly looked up from the file in her hand and said, “I was asking Dr. Griffin.”

“Yes,” Abby replied quickly, sensing the rising tension between the two, “Yes that’s all correct.”

Anya had dragged her eyes from Clarke’s and began writing out notes alongside the margins of her report paper with a huff.

 

“So Clarke, what was your last career assessment while aboard the Ark?”

Clarke tries to think back to the day her last test was revealed. She and Wells had been busy joking about last assessment two years earlier. He had a theory that the tests didn’t actually mean anything but as a result he ended up being assigned café duty for a week.

“Healer. Government Official. Hotel management,” Clarke continued and listed about five other menial job titles a government test had determined would be her perfect position in society. She watched for any kind of reaction to grace the inspectors face but the only acknowledgement she received were downcast eyes and more notes.

“Healer sounds appropriate but honestly that doesn’t seem like something you want for yourself. Possibly something that others desired for you?” She slowly closes the folder in her hand and raises to her feet. Abby stands from where she has seated herself on the bed but is halted by the hand Anya lifts to stop her.

“I need to make a phone call. I’ll return momentarily. I may need a few things from you, Dr. Griffin. Clarke, don’t go anywhere.”

As the door closes behind the strange woman, Clarke turns to her mother with a questioning look plastered to her face.

“Is this seriously who they sent to help you? She doesn’t seem too worried about,” Clarke waves her hand at the angry blistered skin on her arm, “all this.”

“I’m sure this is just a part of policy. Even at the hospital we have a slew of things we have to check off a list before we can start to help anyone-”

The door opens and Anya approaches the bedside in a few swift strides.

“Dr. Griffin, I need you to clear a testing facility for us. We need to do brain scans while we give your daughter a few assessments.”

Clarke and Abby exchange a confused glance as Abby says, “Assessments? What kind of assessments? Physical assessments? Do you think her something is going on with her brain?”

Anya busies herself with her phone but answers curtly with a sigh, “Mental assessments, Dr. Griffin. The material is classified but we need to do this as soon as possible. My team is on the way as we speak and I’ve informed them to come straight to you. You can send for Clarke when you have a room prepared for us.”

It only takes Abby a second to turn on her doctor mind. She turns to Clarke and places a kiss on her all too warm forehead and excuses herself from the room. Before the door closes behind her, Anya has taken the chair and dragged it near the edge of Clarke’s bed. She flops down in heap and lets out a groan of annoyance. As quickly as she makes the noise, she’s sitting up straight and eyeballing Clark with her arms resting on her knees.

“So,” Clarke says wearily.

“So,” Anya replies as she squeezes the bridge of her nose.

“What happens now? I’ve got a feeling these assessments aren’t going to determine what happened with the nanos.”

Anya faces Clarke and shakes her head slowly as she starts with, “It’s not about what was wrong with the nanos, Clarke. This has become a problem of finding out what’s wrong with you. And this testing? It’s not going to be pretty. You’re blood type is O positive and on the ground all people with O positive blood go through a special assessment period when they turn six years old. On the Ark you had neither testing facilities nor test providers so it was understandable that you were not aware of the consequences for people born with your blood type.”

Clarke opens her mouth to interrupt but Anya holds a hand up that pauses the words before she can form them. “These aren’t normal pen and paper tests Clarke. Failing this would be better for your well-being in the long run. If you couldn’t tell before, I’ll tell you now I’m not actually with Nano Production. I’m an agent of the council that was sent to determine the likelihood that you were mistakenly tracked as a child. The nanos sometimes do not work correctly with people like us so it isn’t hard to believe that this has gone unnoticed for so long.” Her phone buzzes in her pocket.

The furrow between Clarke’s eyebrows deepens as she says, “People like us? What do you mean ‘people like us’? I thought you said to mom this wasn’t an average situation? Are you saying I’m not the only person that has gone through this?” Clarke’s friends the hammers return with a vengeance and she grabs the side of her head as a vision pound its way through her brain to project behind her eyelids. Anya slides the thin machine back into her pocket as she leans forward to observe Clarke in the throes of her pain.

_Clarke finds herself on an expanse of road covered with green and fallen rock. The railings lining either side of the- bridge- the word comes to her finally, sport a mossy covering. Below her she can hear the slow trickle of water over rock. A movement disturbs her peace and she turns to see a tall figure approach with the slow gait of a stalking cat. Grounder, her brain tells her but Clarke doesn’t know what that means. As the figure approaches a memory tickles at the back of Clarke’s mind. It’s a woman. Her eyes are surrounded by ash and her hair swings wild around her face but the thin pressed line of her lips is unmistakable. Clarke tries to step forward but finds herself unable to control her movements. She finds her voice to call out to the woman approaching her-_

-and she’s back in the hospital room. The antiseptic smell invades her nostrils and her hands are still gripping her head by the temples. She feels the word fall out of her mouth before she can stop it.

“Anya,” she cries, her eyes flashing open. She searches for the green of the forest in vain and finally notices the woman now standing in front of her. Anya holds Clarke’s wide-eyed gaze as footsteps approach from the hallway and solidly knock on the door.

“Wait,” Anya calls over her shoulder before throwing a smirk at Clarke from the bedside.

“I’d love to tell you all about what’s going on but I can’t. They’re coming to move you now so we’re all out of time. If you pass, you’ll be seeing me again and I’ll tell you all you want to know. If you fail, you won’t have to worry about it anymore and you won’t snoop. Deal?”

She’s gone before Clarke can reply. Nurses come in first and begin to hustle around the room, quickly detaching Clarke from the hospital machines and urging her into a wheelchair. To her embarrassment, she finds herself unable to walk without feeling lightheaded and grudgingly accepts the seat. A small group of men stand by the doorway, surrounding a dark haired woman who seems to be waiting as Clark is escorted toward the group.

“Hello Clarke. I’m your exam advisor. If you’ll please come with me, we can get started.”

 

 

**_Somewhere underground_ **

“Clarke, you have been doing so well! We only have one more section to complete and you will be free to go for today.”

The woman continues to smile toothily at Clarke as she opens the, hopefully, final program she will have to endure.

Clarke has found herself once again attached to a machine by a dozen or so wires coming from her head. The machine emits a low hum that fills the room with white noise in between conversations with her exam advisor.

The woman, who Clarke assumes is an AI based on her knowledge of the technology, was clearly designed to put children at ease while testing. Her dress is a soft pastel blue and she’s dainty and short, nearly a head smaller than Clarke when she gets close enough to see. She remained seated while Clarke was being attached to the machine by the escorts and her image became shimmery around the edges when she came to close to any of the wires or the table.

“Ok Clarke we have a few word associations for you to do. I’m going to say a word and you are going to say the first thing that pops into your head. We’ll start with sky.”

_Ugh what is this? I wish they would just tell me how to fix my nanos. If living without them means feeling like absolute shit then forget it._

“Um, space.”

“Ark.”

“Home.”

“Children.”

“Two,” Clarke says at the same time a drum beat smashes against her forehead and her arm begins to throb.

“Gun.”

Clarke breathes in as she feels a tendril of cold nerves in the pit of her stomach but she says it anyway, “Fear.”

“Mountain.”

“What? I don’t-” The heat in her arm has become unbearable and she bites her lip to keep a scream in.

“Clarke, please do your best to answer the questions as honestly as possible.”

“Ok, ok! Death. I think of death.”

“Happiness.”

“Lexa.”

“Ah what a perfect segue into our next word. The next word is also Lexa.”

“Mi-” _I am not saying that._ Her arm throbs once and it’s out before she can stop it, “Mine.”

Clarke looks up to see the men behind the AI giving each other meaningful looks and one excuses himself from the room. The burn in her arm decreases steadily as she glares at the man by the door. He returns her stare with an almost pitying look in his eyes. She breaks eye contact with the man when she realizes the advisor has been speaking to her.

“I’m sorry what did you say?”

“I said, you did very good in that segment. Yours is a special case so your tests are a little bit different than the other kids,” the woman smiles widely at Clarke then and stands to move around the room, keeping a fair distance between her shimmery form and Clarke’s machine. “This last portion requires a little bit of… relaxation. I’m going to ask you to get as comfortable as you can in your chair. Sometimes it helps to put your head on your arms.”

Clarke reigns in her irritation at the woman but allows herself a small amount of comfort by slouching slightly in the cushioned seat. She keeps her eyes forward while she sinks into the chair while trying to ignore the pain radiating through her body. Her head and her arm had grown much more painful throughout the entire exam but now her whole body seemed to be suffering. Her skin was hyper-sensitive. She felt every changing air current and the weight of gravity holding her body to the ground. Her bones feel achy and brittle. The pain was causing her to break out into a cold sweat.

“Clarke I’m going to ask you to close your eyes and remove yourself from the stresses of your body. You’re going into a calm state of mind. We’re going to breathe in deep and when you release you will be totally relaxed.”

Clark closes her eyes slowly and breathes in one very deep breathe. She does her best to remove herself from her pain and thoughts as she releases her breathe and feels herself sink further into the chair.

“Once more Clarke. Deep breathe in and out please.”

She does it once more and feels herself falling down into a dark hole. Maybe she’s falling up now. She can’t tell anymore. She opens her eyes and realizes she’s surrounded by stars. She looks around the void to try to find anything that would explain her whereabouts and on either side she sees tall grasses surrounding her. She now realizes she’s laying on the ground and she sits up quickly. Her pain is gone. No headache, no hurting bones. She holds her hand up to flex her fingers and notices she’s wearing a dark jacket pulled up around her elbows. Her entire outfit is dark and she realizes her hair is loose around her head.

Clarke stands and begins to walk into the surrounding woods. The air is crisp and cool in her lungs and the early morning dew coats the top of her boots. Within moments the sun has risen and Clarke finds herself walking along a ridge. She knows all of it is a dream but she can’t help the sense of relief that overpowers her with every deep breathe she takes.

All of a sudden a sense of panic overtakes her. She looks down the ridge at the forest below and sees a man walking parallel to her. His eyes never leave her and she looks back over her shoulder to see if she’s truly alone. When she turns back to the man he’s gone. A quick _thwap_ strikes a tree near her head and Clarke doesn’t have time to see what it is before she’s running. She’s barreling through the trees trying to remember why she running when it hits her. The strength of the realization staggers her and she finds herself slowing down. She remembers why she’s running because she’s been here. Someone is chasing her, probably wants to kill her. _No, definitely wants to kill me. Now what happens? You’ve been here before now remember Clarke! Remember!_ She finds that her feet are tracing a familiar path through the trees. She stands at the top of a small ridge as her pulse picks up. _It’s here,_ she’s thinking but finds herself unable to keep from running down the other side of the hill at full speed. She braces for the impact as she reaches the tree-

“Ugh!” Two voices cry out as the air is knocked out of Clark. As her head smashes into the ground she tastes the familiar coppery warmth spurt across her tongue. She wants to spit it in his face but she’s not in control of this anymore.

“For my brother!” He screams above her and prepares to bring the blade of a knife down on her. Clarke remains calm because she’s been here and she knows this isn’t how it ends. He screams as the thrown knife bursts through his skin straight through the other side. The man crumples to the side and Clarke’s already standing, tightly grasping her pistol.

_“Jomp em op en yu jomp ai op.”_ The voice sends chills down her spine and weakens her knees so much that if she were in control of her body, she would have fainted. Her heart explodes with feelings of warmth and relief. _She’s here! She came to save me!_ Clarke desperately tries to free herself to look up from the bleeding man on the ground because she needs to see her. She needs to know it’s her and that she’s safe and whole and strong again. She’s right there in the side of her vision but the scene starts to fade to white as a voice calls to her from behind.

_“Clarke,”_

_“No, no, I’m not ready to leave. It’s her! Please let me see her.” Clarke can feel the tears streaming down her face as she can now look around her. She’s standing in a white formless void. And she’s gone. She was there for Clarke and now she’s gone._

_“It’s time to wake up.”_

The white around her fades to a pinprick in front of her eyes.

“Clarke.” The voice is gentle and but pressing, urging her further from her vision. She tries to focus and give the light form. It takes her a second but finally she realizes her head has tilted back to face the ceiling. She rolls her neck to the side and lifts her head, feeling the weight of her brain all the way down to her toes. Her eyes remain slightly out of focus and she wipes at them with the back of her hand.

“Clarke.”

Her breathe hitches in her throat as she rips her hand from her face. Commander Lexa has replaced the AI in the chair across from Clarke and she feels herself want to come unhinged. Lexa is wearing the same armor she wore when Clarke first met her but she’s still beautiful. Her hair is wild around her head. She’s missing the dark mask around her eyes but brown smudges sprinkle her cheeks and forehead. Now that Clarke is fully awake she can see thick brown spots covering her breastplate and arms.

Their eyes meet and Clarke feels her heart rip open underneath her chest at the longing in Lexa’s eyes. The green is bright and clearly concerned as she lays her gloves to the side and sets her hands on the tabletop. Clarke stops short of reaching out to touch the other woman’s fingers laid on the table because a voice in the back of her head reminds her they just met 3 days ago. She shouldn’t feel this comfortable with a stranger. She feels like she shouldn’t feel this right with someone. She doesn’t deserve this effortless calm.

Lexa doesn’t break eye contact as she stands from the chair and raises her hands to the guards.

“Leave us.”

A chorus of yes ma’am’s are followed by shuffling steps to the door. All four men exit the room quietly, leaving Clarke alone with Lexa and the AI woman. Lexa looks above and behind Clarke’s head as she says, “You too.” A quick pop of static signals to Clarke that she’s left, if only from their line of sight. She senses the AI won’t go far from Clarke now.

Lexa makes her way across the table and begins to detach Clarke from the little grey machine. Some of the nodes got stuck to her hair when they were being attached but Lexa gently detangles them and sets them to the side. Clarke wants to reach up to help but finds herself too weak to lift her arms. Lexa doesn’t notice and removes the last wire from her hair. She makes her way back to the chair in front of Clark and reaches out tentatively to touch their fingers together. Their fingers meet and Lexa strokes soft patterns on Clarke’s skin. The relief of their touch is instantaneous and makes Clarke want lay down while Lexa comforts her for all eternity.

“Are you ok?”

She looks up from their hands into wide green eyes. Clarke can’t help but smile at the worry looking back at her.

“What are you even doing here?”

Lexa smiles slightly and a red blush colors her cheeks. She raises her chin proudly as she says, “I was training close by. I’m sorry I’m so messy. It’s been raining for a while.”

Clarke smiles to herself but decides to reword the question. “No, I mean what are you doing here in this room? With me?”

“I knew you were hurting. So I came.”

Now it’s Clarke’s turn to blush and she feels it creeping up her neck. She decides to change the subject and turns her left arm over, revealing her unfinished mark. Lexa looks intently at the mark and nods her head slowly. She switches the hand that is touching Clarke and shifts like she means to touch the raised black dye on her arm.

“It’s an L,” Clarke says quietly, feeling her heart drop as Lexa lowers her hand.

“So it is. I’m sure your mate is a lucky individual.”

They sit quietly for a moment. Lexa looks uncomfortable in the face of this new information. Her forehead is creased like she’s deep in thought. Clarke watches her eyes flash back and forth between Clarke’s mark, her fingers placed on top Clarke’s, and the empty space of the table.

“I’m sorry Clarke.”

“Why? I don’t think this is your fault.”

“I never wanted this for you.”

Clarke reaches to entwine their hands together but Lexa pulls away and sits back in her chair. Clarke sighs and does the same, realizing their shared moment is over. A blank mask falls over the face of the woman across from her and Clarke can see that the commander has taken over. She begins putting her gloves back on as she continues, “Anya has no doubt received orders to bring you to-”

“I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what’s going on.”

Lexa looks at Clarke with a smile tilting one corner of her mouth but drops it quickly when she sees the other girl is serious.

“If you insist,” she says haltingly, “Your body needs to go through a change. Without assistance from us, you will die. Your body has been pushing itself into overdrive and it’s putting too much stress on your organs. Especially your brain. We have medicine that may help you get through this. It will strengthen you enough to withstand the onslaught your body is about to undergo.”

Lexa pauses and breathes in deeply before continuing, “Most of the time our people go through this when they reach puberty,” she stops and Clarke sees her glance at Clarke’s chest, “so they are unsure why you’ve begun the change this late in your life. I believe it was the weak nanos you’ve lived with that stunted the reaction. Your body is failing at a much faster speed than usual. Most people go down after a week. It only took you a couple days to get this bad.”

Clarke feels a hitching in her chest and tries to take a breath around it but fails. Her coughs wrack her entire body and she strains to get any air into her lungs. At some point Lexa has come around the table to grasp Clarke by the shoulders. She’s gently rubbing circles into her back and Clarke can hear her saying it’s going to be ok. She’s not sure if she believes her. Finally the coughing subsides and Clarke pulls her hand from her mouth to see if covered with specks of blood. Lexa quickly removes her bandana from under her sleeve to wipe the blood from Clarke’s hand. She turns the girl to face her in the chair and lightly wipes the blood from around her mouth. She walks behind Clarke then and come back with a small cup of water, “Here rinse your mouth out.” Clarke complies with Lexa continues to speak to her.

“You’ve been hallucinating?” Lexa words the phrase as a question but one she already knows the answer to.

“Yes,” Clarke says it breathlessly as she furiously nods her head, “But I don’t think they’re hallucinations Lexa. They feel too real. Like I’ve been there. You’re going to think I’m crazy for saying this but I think they’re memories.”

Lexa shakes her head quickly before saying, “No I don’t think you’re crazy. But they’re not memories. Just hallucinations. They’re not real, ok? They can’t hurt you. So if they happen again, don’t be afraid.” Lexa stands and begins to make her way to the door.

“There’s a woman,” Clarke says and it freezes Lexa in her tracks, “I don’t know who she is.”

Lexa lets out an audible sigh and her shoulders slump as raises her hand to slam a fist into the door. A sliver of light shines through and the commander exchanges words with the guards outside before turning to face Clarke again.

“I need to know who she is Lexa. She’s important. I don’t know what happened to her but I need to know she’s ok. I need to know she’s safe.”

“She’s safe, Clarke.”

Lexa makes her way back to Clarke’s side as she takes a needle and lays it out on the table. Clarke looks between the medicine and Lexa her confusion mixing with anger. Lexa slowly reaches down and takes the protective cap off the needle.

“Give me your arm, Clarke.”

Clarke shakes her head and tries to inch away from the woman standing above her, “No Lexa! I need to talk to my mother. I need you to bring her to me.”

Lexa bends down at the waist to meet Clarke eye to eye, “Please?”

“I can’t tell you how tired I am of being knocked out, Lexa,” Clarke begins but is stopped by the intense look in the other woman’s face. Her eyes have gone dark as she looks between Clarke’s eyes and her lips. She feels her willpower dissolve as Lexa leans toward her slowly.

On any other day, Clarke would have seen this for what it truly was. She would have seen Lexa’s steely look and how her hands crept toward the syringe with every inch she gained on Clarke. Any other day, Clarke might have cared. Not this day.

Their lips touch delicately and Clarke can’t help the moan that escapes her. Lexa handles her softly, moving her lips against Clarke like she would break. The touch is electric but so, so familiar that Clarke finds herself falling into an easy rhythm. She nips at Lexa’s lip and feels the other girl growl at the sensation like she knew she would. Lexa presses into Clarke harder like she knows she’s about to lose control. Clarke turns gentle and feigns pulling away but Lexa refuses to let them separate. Clarke tastes cinnamon and lust in the kiss.

The prick breaks her out of her dream state as she pulls abruptly away from Lexa’s mouth. She tries to pull her arm away from the needle but Lexa grips it in such a way that she has nowhere to go. She clenches her muscles around the steel and cries out lightly. As Lexa pushes the plunger down, Clarke feels tears threatening to spill over her eyes. She looks up at Lexa and sees her pain mirrored in the dark green eyes facing her. She feels like her heart is splitting at the betrayal but she doesn’t let the tears fall.

“You… you tricked me?”

“I’m so sorry Clarke. I didn’t want to hurt you but there’s no time. I’ll talk to Abby but you have to get to Mount Weather.”

An icy wisp of fear pierces her stomach. Her eyes become fluttery as the sedatives begin to seep into her brain.

“Not there Lexa. Don’t take me there.”

“You have to go Clarke.” She hears the door to the room open and lots of noise around her but she never looks away from Lexa. She feels herself being lifted and placed onto a bed. Lexa walks alongside her and Clarke starts to panic when she realizes she’s getting further and further away.

“Don’t be scared Clarke,” she calls from down the hallway, “I’ll find you when you wake up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading. If you made it this far, that is...


	3. And God said, Let there be Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Um so this story kind of went bonkers?? I'm sorry?? Thanks for the read. We catch up with Clarke and we get to see the story from Lexa's perspective for a second. Dialogue taken from season 2, if you haven't seen, spoiler alert.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of sexual assault. Might be triggering. Warning!

**_The hospital_ **

_I shouldn’t have done that._

Lexa makes her way down the hallway to the last nurse’s station that she saw on her way to Clarke. Her arms are rigid at her sides and the blank mask on her face can barely conceal the anguish she’s feeling inside.

_I really shouldn’t have done that._

Clarke’s lips had felt just like she remembered. They came together easily, because they had been kissing each other for longer than either of them could know. Soft and willing, Clarke had given herself over to Lexa without hesitation which was something she had anticipated but the guilt over using the girl like that was gnawing at her still.

“Excuse me,” she says as she reaches the nurses station, “Could you page Dr. Griffin? It’s urgent.”

“Is it about Clarke?” The nurse behind the desk, her nametag says Maya, looks up expectantly at Lexa. She nods and the girl excuses herself to run down the hallway and disappear into a patient’s room. She comes out a few seconds later with Abby Griffin close behind.

Abby’s eyes wander around, searching for Clarke or maybe Anya, before she finally settles on Lexa’s taut form. Her eyes show her clear disappointment and dislike when she realizes it’s only the commander that has summoned her. She’s still annoyed at how the soldier blatantly flirted with Clarke during the exodus in front of her and Jake and came to dislike her even more because of her fierce stubbornness when Clarke actually needed medical help. The girl had barely let them take her to the hospital, insistently pushing Abby to release her to a military base hospital nearby. Abby had a hard time believing Clarke would get better care anywhere other than in her hospital.

Seeing Commander DeForrest now brought back that annoyance she developed when they first met, especially since she currently had no idea how her daughter was doing. She had hoped when she saw the commander enter the hospital covered from head to toe with mud and all manner of dirt that she wasn’t on her way to see her daughter. Another part of her knew that was the only reason Lexa DeForrest would be here and not in some hole somewhere, saving people.

“What can I help you with Commander DeForrest? If it’s not urgent, I have patients to attend to and you can schedule a time to see me with the front desk.”

Abby comes to a stop a few feet from the commander and Lexa can already tell from her crossed arms and pursed lips that this is not going to be a fun conversation. But Lexa had made the decision to take Clarke and she was willing to deal with the consequences if it meant that she would be able to live.

“I’m here as an agent of the council to inform you that your daughter has been taken to the hospital in Mount Weather in an attempt to save her life. She will be returned to you once we have administered medication that will fight the infection that has overtaken her body.”

Lexa knows that Abby knows that speech is bullshit but she’s under obligation to the program to keep everything going on with Clarke confidential. She can feels rocks forming in the pit of her stomach at the guilt of lying to Abby. Lexa has truly liked Abby from the moment she met her on the Ark but she knows that she’s passed the line of no return with her. One thing Lexa has learned as a soldier is that you never separate a mother from her children.

“What do you mean,” Abby’s face is red and her voice has become shaky with fury, “Clarke’s been taken?”

“Dr. Griffin, I’m sorry this was a matter of life and death-”

“You can’t just take my daughter from me! This is kidnapping! How dare you? I demand you bring Clarke back right now!”

“I can’t do that Dr. Griffin. She’s on a flight to the base now.”

“Where is the base located? I’ll go and get her myself! She’s in too fragile of a state to be flying. It could kill her! You had no right to take her!”

Lexa can feel herself stepping up, the heat building in her chest in response to the doctor’s anger. She knows her emotions are in full control now and she can’t stop herself when the words burst through her lips, loud and seething with irritation.

“I have the only right!”

Lexa’s outburst brings her nose to nose with Dr. Griffin and Lexa has to stop herself from committing to a battle of wills with the shorter woman. Both of their faces have gone red from the outburst and Lexa can feel her fists shaking at her sides. Both of the women are fuming and Lexa realizes she needs to be the one to back down. The full of weight of what she just threw in Abby’s face hits her and shame makes her drop her eyes to the ground.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know why I said that,” Lexa takes a few steps back from the woman with arms raised in submission.

“Yes, you do,” Abby says, hackles still raised, intending to fight until she has her way, “You know exactly why you said that. But let me tell you, your position of power does not give you the right over civilians. You may be an agent of the council but you have no right to take my daughter from this hospital without my consent. As her attending physician, I have the right to determine whether my patient was healthy enough to move or not.”

Lexa realizes all of this and more. She knows she could be in some major trouble with the council when they hear about this. She knows she could lose her position as commander but it was a calculated risk and she can’t apologize for doing what she thought was right for Clarke.

“Dr. Griffin, I’m sorry you feel like I have intruded on your civilian rights. You’re more than welcome to take your complaints to the council. I will be at their mercy in determining my punishment for this. But what I have done, I have done to keep your daughter safe. I promise you, she will be assisted in Mount Weather and returned to you in exactly three days. I can’t say anything else except you have nothing to worry about. I will do everything in my power to make sure Clarke is safe.”

Abby doesn’t look like she has accepted defeat and Lexa knows the second she leaves, Abby will go before the council to petition to get her daughter back. Dr. Griffin lets out a long sigh and leans one armed against the desk.

“Is that a soldier’s promise, Commander DeForrest? Because I can’t put much faith-”

“No, Dr. Griffin, it’s a personal promise. From Lexa DeForrest to Abby Griffin. I will be personally responsible for her safety and well-being while she is in my care. I also promise that once she’s returned to you, you won’t ever have to see or hear from me again.”

At that, Lexa turns and begins to make her way out of the hospital. She resigns herself to that fact that she just made a promise that will be very hard to keep but determines that it’s the only way she’ll be happy in this life.

_It’s worth it Lexa. Keep moving forward._

As she jumps in her mud covered Jeep and makes her way back to the training area and her boggy companions, she tries not to think of Clarke’s lips or her laugh. She tries to imagine turning down the exodus mission and keeping her crew grounded while Clark fell to earth. It would have been easier that way. But fate has a way of forcing you into your destiny, even if you worked your whole life trying to avoid it. Her arm begins to burn where her unfinished mark rubs against her tight black sleeves. She thinks of the swirly C there and wonders how long she can keep the game up.

_She’s going to catch on sooner or later. She’s not stupid, especially since I’ll have to avoid her to keep up pretenses._

She decides not to finish that train of thought and turns the radio up. She sings to herself the rest of the way to Tree Crew’s designated training area.

 

**_Clarke, somewhere between here and there_ **

****

Clarke is drifting between asleep and awake for a millennia. She sees lots of people in scrubs hanging over her and she knows they’re talking about her but she can’t remember how she got here or even who she is. Her heart is slowly drifting with her, pumping blood lazily one second and then furiously the next. Her awareness of her body is the only thing keeping her from floating up and away, high into the night sky above. She knows when her heart stops she’ll fly away like a balloon picked up in the wind. The thought doesn’t scare her or excite her. She feels a lot of nothing seeping into her skull.

“God the nanos aren’t helping! We’re losing her fast! Her body can’t keep up much longer. Get me a stronger dose!”

“Doc, we just gave her T80’s, anything higher and she may die.”            

“She’s going to die anyway and I don’t want to be the one to explain to the Commander or the council why we didn’t try all the options.”

Shuffling feet step away from Clarke’s side and return. The lights are dancing lazily in her vision and she feels a chill starting in her feet and hands. She feels like she’s looking out at the world through bulging glass. The doctor leans into her face and out again as he reaches over her body to grasp to biggest needle Clarke’s ever seen.

“Jesus Doc, are you sure about this? Have you seen what this shit does to people?”

Clarke can feel her heart rate slowing. Time begins to stand still. She’s falling up now, slowly, slowly, with the beat of her heart.

“Shit!”

She hears the word and watches the movement of an arm sluggishly tumbling toward her chest. The needle flashes in the light, black liquid sloshing in the well of the syringe. A second later she hears more than feels the thump of a hand against her chest. Two seconds later she feels herself falling back into her body. Three seconds later she feels the pain of the needle inside her and her heart beating against the steel. She feels the plunger meet the bottom of the well and the needle being retracted through her skin. She hears the heart rate monitor beep once then twice, then the room is flooded with the sound of her heart returning to a furious pace.

She feels everything. The blood her heart pumps out into her body fills her to the brim. The blood in her veins flowing rapidly through her, the nanos left from her life before, battling to the death with the new invaders, her organs being resurrected from the new nanos rebuilding her cells. She feels all of it and it hurts. Bad.

Clarke’s eyes shoot open and she’s attacking herself, reaching across to scratch at her veins and her chest. She needs to get these things out. The pain is too much and Clarke imagines death being an easier fate than this.

“Fuck! Tie her down!”

Clarke feels gloved hands attach and try to hold her down. Only four, two on each side. They attempt to hold her arms to the side of the bed while someone calls for help. Anger races up from her stomach and she releases a stomach churning growl in the direction of the first doctor. He releases without hesitation and she lashes out, bashing him across the face with a closed fist. She turns to the other and he holds fast as she raises him off the ground and throws him into the wall. She turns to leap from the bed and never sees the silver tabletop as the attendant smashes it across the side of her head. She feels the pain for only a second as she drifts back against the mattress.

 

Clarke doesn’t know how long she’s been standing here. It seems like an eternity has passed before she realizes she’s face to face with the colorful storm cloud that has haunted her dreams since childhood. She treats it as an old friend and waves pleasantly to it from across the void. Clarke realizes she surrounded by stars as she twirls in place. Her favorite outfit is back. Black jacket, sleeves rolled up to her elbows, covering a loose grey shirt with dark pants and boots.

She begins to grasp the thought that this is not the first time she’s been here. The cloud beyond rumbles as if to get Clarke’s attention and begins to manifest all manner of colors and lights from the mass. She begins to approach the iridescent blob tentatively and as she gets nearer to the colors she realizes she can hear people talking. The cloud begins to move toward her and she finds herself engulfed.

As a child, she dreamt this dream many times but she was always afraid to enter the nebula. She would cower and hide her eyes until the morning when her mother or father would come to wake her. Sometimes when she was young, she would catch herself peeking through her fingers at the fog beyond. Sometimes she saw monsters, causing her to cry out in her sleep. Other times she saw worlds she could never have imagined and they made their way to her reality through her drawings.

But now Clarke is grown and she is not afraid so she opens her eyes to see the things she hid from herself as a child. At first the fog is just that, fog. She tilts her head back and forth to hear the voices drifting toward her unevenly. She hears her father’s laugh to her left and Raven and Octavia arguing to her right. She hears men’s voices, one who she knows to be Bellamy and the other is somewhat familiar but who she can’t actually name.

She takes a step forward and the fog thins considerably. She in a field, marked with white lines along the side and ends. Two large boxes with netting strung over them are on opposite side of each other. A large group of people come into focus on the end furthest from Clarke. She sees hair and arms and legs flying viciously as the battle for a small black and white ball commences at the far end. One girl appears to have escaped the throes of the battle with the ball. Her brown hair flies in the wind as she sprints ahead. “Blake!” she screams right before launching it to the middle of the field. The receiver quickly looks and screams out “Clarke!” as she launches the ball across half of the field.

She feels herself flinch but the ball travels to the opposite side of the field and is maneuvered deftly around by a young blond girl. As she turns to dance around another player Clarke realizes she’s watching herself play. This Clarke is young, fourteen or fifteen at the most. The longer she watches, the more she starts to remember this day. She remembers the movement of balancing the ball in front of her and how the sweat dripped down her nose to her yellow jersey. She remembered her anticipation of this game and how it was so important to win. This is a state championship match.

Clarke watches as she moves the ball around each and every defender. Well, almost every defender. A red shirted girl with long slender legs slides nimbly out to kick the ball from Other Clarke’s feet, past the white line. Other Clarke barely jumps in time to avoid the legs stretch out in front of her and she crashes onto her knees in the grass. Real Clarke sees the other girl stand and as she turns Clarke recognizes her instantly.

“Lexa!” she says before she can stop herself and then realizes the other girl can’t hear her. _This is only a memory,_ she feels the cloud around her say and she nods her head.

Other Lexa turns to face Other Clarke where she sits in the grass. She extends her hand and Other Clarke smacks it away.

“Fuck off, Woods.”

A loud whistle erupts from beside Clarke and a man in a black and white collared shirt runs onto the field to stand next to Other Clarke. He pulls out a flat yellow card and flashes it at the stands behind Clarke.

“What!” Other Clarke bursts as she stands from the ground to approach the…

 _Referee,_ the cloud says.

Other Lexa raises her hands in a surrendering gesture and moves away from the ref and Other Clarke to her spot by the big net. She stands by another girl who offers her hand and bumps their knuckles together.

A rumbling behind her let’s Clarke know that her time here is done. She turns to her left and see the thickness of the fog has returned. She steps into the void and back out into a new time and place.

She finds herself standing at the steps of two story house. People and cans litter the front porch and lawn. Some people are standing while others sit or wobble. A few look like they can barely stand at all. Clarke begins to make her way up the steps and inside, moving around dancing bodies once she gets inside the door. To her left is a mass of jumping people, men and women. Liquid is flying everywhere and although she know it can’t get on her, she turns to the right anyway. The music is still blasting through the room but most people are lounging on couches and chairs with drinks in their hands. Smoke is curling up through the room and she sees her bright hair flash at her from across the room. As she approaches, she sees a hand come around Other Clarke’s shoulder to turn her. Suddenly she knows who she’s kissing and she feels her stomach churn in response. Finn Collins kisses her sloppily and attempts to unzip Other Clarke’s jacket. She stops his hands and they immediately go to her pants button.

Other Clarke detaches and says, “Finn, stop,” but he’s drunk and he won’t listen. Clarke waits patiently while Other Clarke struggle to untangle their limbs. She’s as drunk as he is so her struggle to escape is almost pointless as he pulls her closer.

“Babe it’s ok, just be cool.”

“No, Finn, seriously stop!”

Clarke can see his patience growing thin as she leans against the wall to watch Other Clarke struggle against the stronger boy. She remembers the sense of panic that was beginning to overtake her at this moment but only remembers. This was another time.

Suddenly, Other Finn reaches out and grips Other Clarke’s chin, hard, yanking her around to face him.

“Are you really going to embarrass me like this?”

Other Clarke’s only response is to reach out and smack him as hard as she can, twisting his face around with the impact. People around the room have started to notice the struggle and two boys get up to leave the room quickly. All eyes are now turned on Other Finn and Clarke and he doesn’t hesitate to retaliate.

He releases his hold on her chin and Clarke flinches at the memory of this moment. He bunches his fingers together and bashes his fist across Clarke’s cheek. She flies off the couch and onto the floor where he stands over her, gritting his teeth in fury at his own embarrassment. When Clarke flies off the couch everyone in the room freezes. He looks up at all the people in the room and screams, “What the fuck is everyone looking at?”

Clarke sees her before Finn does. She walks swiftly across the room, head held high and Clarke can feel the fury rolling off of her like heat waves. She feels herself smile with pride at this memory.

Lexa has crossed the room and stands behind Finn. She reaches for his arm and when he turns, she puts all of her weight into the fist that busts through the cartilage at the bridge of his nose, splashing blood across her knuckles and his own mouth. He still hasn’t realized what happened when she breaks her left fist across his mouth. Her hand goes too far into his closed mouth and Clarke absently wonders if he swallowed any of those teeth she knocked out.

Other Lexa lets him hit the couch before she’s on him again, cracking the bones in his cheeks and around his eyes with each strike. Other Clarke has finally found her feet and is grabbing Other Lexa by the wrists, trying to twist her away from the bloodied boy on the couch. Lexa fights for a moment longer before turning to face Other Clarke. Blood is covering her face and knuckles, a mixture of both Finn and Lexa. Other Clarke releases her wrists and wraps Lexa up in a tight hug before turning and leading her from the room.

Clarke remembers whispering into Lexa’s ear, “Stop Lex, please. Just take me home ok?” Lexa had nodded into her shoulder and squeezed her tightly in response.

They leave the house, Clarke dragging Lexa by the sleeve, and get into Lexa’s car. Clarke remembers that in this life, this night was the first time she realized Lexa was in love with her.

A familiar rumble wraps her up and she turns to walk a few steps into a forest. A deep thick forest that haunts her memories. She turns from the woods, not wanting to enter but the nebula holds her in, forcing her to face whatever it is she fears. She feels her heart racing at being here but she has no choice but to step forward into the green abyss.

As she walks, she wracks her brain to try to remember this place. She has no memories from here other than what she’s already seen which are Anya on the bridge and the man trying to kill her before she’s saved by the woman. She idly wonders if this is a place she has never been before but dismisses that because she thinks that the cloud can only show her the pasts she been through. She knows anywhere else the cloud would take her, she would recognize and remember everything from that life. But not this one. She feels fear and desolation when she thinks of this one so much so that her thoughts are clouded. For some reason, she doesn’t want to remember this life.

 _You must remember, Clarke,_ the cloud says around her and she nods but she feels her hands start to shake with every step she takes further into the forest.

The first place she comes to is a large structure. Even from a distance, Clarke can tell it came to the forest recently She soon realizes it’s a shuttle. It’s burnt from re-entry and the entrance at the base is covered by plastic sheets. Around the shuttle, makeshift tents have been erected and a wall has been built. The place is obviously occupied but there’s no one around. She walks around the wall and sees a large group of people gather together. She sees herself standing at the center of the group, looking into the ground with all the other teenagers. Suddenly Clarke knows what is there and she can’t bear to step closer. She stops a fair distance away and the cloud rumbles around her.

“I remember!” she screams into the abyss, “I remember Wells dying. Please don’t make me look. I can see it in my head anyway.”

The tears break free and drip down her nose. She sobs uncontrollably at the memory. Her best friend who lied so she wouldn’t hate her mother. Who stayed loyal to her, getting arrested so they could be sent to the ground together even though she hated him. Her best friend who only ever looked out for her.

 _It’s only a memory Clarke,_ the cloud says around her, _when you awaken, he will be alive and well._

The thought comforts her slightly as she regains control of her emotions. She looks into the sky and wipes at her eyes with her shirt. The memory makes her miss her best friend terribly and she vows to find him and hug with all of her might when she gets out of here.

She turns from the group and presses on into the forest. Within moments it’s dark and she sees the stars emerging to greet her from the sky.

She finds herself walking beside a tall figure. They’re muddy and covered with blood but they stop at the edge of the clearing looking toward the grounder camp. They’re breathing hard as they observe the lights from a distance.

“Look at that,” Clarke says breathlessly.

“How many are there?” Anya asks and Clarke tells her she doesn’t know because at this time she doesn’t. All she knows is they escaped Mount Weather together and she needs to save her friends.

She finish her thought aloud with, “A lot I hope,” as she turns back to Anya and begins to untie her.

“I’m letting you go,” she says, “I’m not weak but I’m not like you. Our only chance against Mount Weather is if we fight together. To beat them, we’ll need our technology and your knowledge of this world. I know my people will help. The question is, will yours?”

Clarke can see in Anya’s eyes that she still doesn’t trust her but somehow she knows she’ll agree.

“The commander was my second. I can get an audience.”

Clarke hears the words and feels her heart rate pick up. She sees Lexa in her mind, strong and brave, prepared to do anything to protect Clarke.

 _They are one and the same. Anya’s commander and yours. She has always been there for you,_ the cloud says around her and she knows in her heart the commander will agree to help them. Lexa has always been there for Clarke.

They grasp each other’s forearms tightly and Clarke says, “Please hurry,” before Anya turns to make her way back into the forest.

A shot rings out and half a second later the grounder falls with a cry.

“Anya!” Clarke screams but then she separates from her body as it goes flying toward the downed woman. Other Clarke feels a bullet graze her arm as she falls beside Anya’s body. She bends and presses her hands to the wound and Anya dies. The Arkers come flooding over the hill and knock Other Clarke unconscious. Clarke rubs the spot between her eyes where they hit her as the memory of the pain mocks her.

“That was an easy chance for peace.”

_Life is never easy Clarke._

She turns back toward the Ark and finds herself at the edge of a grounder camp. As she weaves in and out of the tents she realizes she’s making her way to a no man’s land between this camp and-

_Camp Jaha_

“Thank you,” Clarke says, “Camp Jaha.”

She’s made her way to the edge of no man’s land between the two camps. Without knowing exactly why Clarke finds herself stopping by a single tall pole compulsorily. Further to the right is a large tent, obviously the tent of a person with great power because it’s larger than all the others in the camp. She watches as grounder warriors gather and block the road leading into the heart of the camp. Further up the hill, she sees individual figures standing behind a tall wire fence. She strains to see familiar faces among the hordes of people and sees that they’re all staring out through the fence to the road. She looks and a single figure is making their way between the warriors.

Other Clarke breaks through the crowd and walks head on into a spear held by a woman. Indra, Clarke remembers as she wipes at the spot below her breasts where the spear broke the skin. She hears footsteps approaching behind and she closes her eyes, knowing who is being led to stand next to her.

She watches the boy being tied while he watches Other Clarke and her heart breaks all over again. She hears The Commander emerge from her tent and she and Other Clarke talk as the tension rises from the grounder army behind them. Clarke feels Other Clarke’s fear seep into her bones. She’d already made her decision when she walked down that road.

Finn is also afraid and both Clarkes can see it as she approaches from The Commanders tent. Clarke doesn’t let her eyes leave the boy in front of her. Clarke remembers wrapping him up tightly and shoving the blade through his side. She remembers the warm blood flowing over her hand and down her sleeve. She remembers him whispering, “Thanks Princess.” She can’t help the gasp that is mirrored by Other Clarke as she feels the life leave his body and his head slumps into her shoulder. Other Clarke lets one tear fall before she turns to face the grounder army and their Commander. Clarke can’t stop the tears as the drip down her cheeks onto the wet ground beneath her feet.

The last thing Clarke remembers before her knees hit the ground is one of her best friend’s strangled cry as she realizes Clarke has killed her mate.

_“No! No!”_

“I’m sorry,” Clarke whispers, “I’m so sorry Raven. I’m so sorry Finn.”

She sits on the ground and holds herself as she rocks. She feels her heart beat against her arms. Rain pelts her from above, the cloud feeling her sorrow and releasing all the grief she never got to have over the boy she loved and killed.

She doesn’t know how long she sits there or how long it rains but she hears a distant rumble and realizes she must continue. She stands and looks about as the landscape changes before her. She sees this life pass before her like a long film. She watches Lexa kill Gustus after they tortured Raven. She watches Quint, the man from her vision, chase her through to forest and Lexa saving her from him. She swells with pride at how Lexa boldly brings Clarke under her protection against her own soldier.

_“Jomp em op en yu jomp ai op.”_

_Attack her and you attack me._

Clarke watches as she and Lexa run from the _pauna_ right into its own lair. She watches her save Lexa and imagines that this was most likely the moment Lexa began to change her mind about how she thought of the sky people. Clarke sees the bomb drop on TonDC and the loss of Octavia’s trust from that. She watches herself back the commander up against the table and remembers the excitement it brought up in her stomach. She watches herself leave the tent with a rosy blush, smiling slightly because she wouldn’t admit to herself that she was hot because she was turned on and not because she was miffed at Lexa.

The film slows now and Clarke finds herself outside of Lexa’s tent again and she quickly makes her way through the entrance. Lexa is standing at her table.

“You sent for me?” Clarke hears the words come out of her mouth before she knows what’s happening. To her great surprise, Lexa turns and acknowledges her.

She looks from her feet to her eyes before she says, “Yes. Octavia has nothing to fear from me.”

Clarke blinks in surprise but remains composed, hoping to act this scene out as long as possible. She sees Lexa look away from her and back at the table with a familiar uncomfortable look.

“I do trust you, Clarke.”

Clarke feels her heart warm and she wants to reach out to hold the other woman close but instead she steps forward and says, “I know how hard that is for you.”

She says it because it’s true. The hard look in Lexa’s eyes and the way she’s looking down make it obvious that it’s been quite some time since she’s said those words to anybody. Lexa turns and begins to speak and Clarke idly finds herself being distracted by The Commander. Clarke can’t remember a face looking so serious and so beautiful. She tries to think back on all the lives and all the worlds she’s seen but she can’t conjure up an image as clear and wonderful as Lexa is right now. Clarke realizes she’s been talking the entire time but only catches the end of her sentence.

“… it’s how we survive.”

Clarke feels the words with all of her being as they come out of her mouth.

“Maybe life should be about more than just surviving. Don’t we deserve better than that?” Clarke looks away as her heart starts at the thought that is tickling the back of her brain. As she’s trying to bring it to the forefront of her mind, the commander says the last thing Clarke would have ever expected.

“Maybe we do.”

Clarke looks up as Lexa’s hand reaches around her neck and she feels more than sees the commander press her lips against Clarke’s. The kiss is soft and hesitant, like all the first kisses they’ve ever had but she feels herself respond in the same exact way she always has. Lexa moves to pull away and Clarke restrains herself from tangling her hands in the other girl’s hair. She closes the distance softly, pulling Lexa back in by grasping her lower lip gently. She relishes the taste of the other girl’s lips on hers. They come together perfectly, like they always do, molding into each other like the gods formed them that way. Lexa pulls away and switches sides, brushing Clarke’s nose as she turns her head and Clarke feels her body jump back in response.

“I’m sorry,” she feels herself say, “I’m not ready to be with anyone. Not yet.”

Angrily, Clarke fights to return to that moment. She pushes with all her strength against a body that refuses to bend to her will. She wants to reach out and grab Lexa by the waist and pull their bodies together. She wants to feel Lexa’s hands in her hair, on her breasts, anywhere she wants but she feels herself coming out of Other Clarke and into the air.

“Dammit! Please just let me go back! Let me have this moment again.”

_You will remember it. Treasure this memory but remain focused. Your job here is to remember. Understand your fate but do not let it control you._

Clarke stops her thrashing as she’s placed back on the ground. It’s night and bullets are flying all around her. She desperately tries to remember everything between now and the kiss but all she knows is Lexa went to kill the mountain men firing on them from the ridge.

“Lexa will get it done, Clarke,” she says to herself, “She always does.”

She bends down low, avoiding the hail of bullets as they wait for the shooting to stop. Finally it does and Clarke forces herself not to smile at the pride filling her body. She orders the grounder army to open the doors and they pour forward in a deadly wave.

Her heart is in her throat and she nearly dances with excitement as she realizes they’ve almost won. She watches them strain against the door as a voice screams out behind her. The army freezes as Clarke turns to see Lexa emerging from the wall of grounders. She’s unharmed Clarke sees with relief and notices the figure walking calmly beside.

_“Carl Emerson, Mount Weather Security Detail.”_

“No, no this isn’t real.” Her heart is dropping into her stomach and she feels like she’s going to be sick. She walks up to the commander and asks her the one question she feels like she already knows the answer to.

“What is this?” As she says it someone shouts and the grounders begin to emerge from the broken door. The stagger out into the cold, barely clothed and Clarke waits to see her people follow in vain.

She turns to face the Commander, her face a resolute mask. Clarke searches for the familiar green eyes of the woman who kissed her earlier that day. She feels her insides rip at the thought of how close she came to falling for her.

Her skin is icy cold with a slick sweat as she looks at her only ally and asks, “What did you do?”

Clarke feels herself detach from the scene as she turns her back on her pain. Her stomach tightens and she feels bile rising in her throat. She remembers this now. She remembers everything.

_“I made this decision with my head and not my heart.”_

Suddenly she’s dizzy and she can’t help but lower herself to the ground.

“This was the reason I couldn’t remember. I didn’t want to remember this. Lexa has always, always been there for me. How could she betray me like this? We’re mates.”

_You still are._

Clarke stands and as she looks up she sees her hand on the lever and Bellamy pressing down evenly as they flood with mountain with radiation. She watches the people of the mountain choke and sputter as their skin blisters. She watches them fall one by one and finally the last man breathes his last breath and she turns from the vision to walk into the fog.

Her fury is total and overwhelming. She feels it rise up from her stomach and into her head. She sees red and the cloud around turns a menacing shade of maroon. She curses into the wind, hating herself for being a fool, hating Lexa and all the while imagining her kissing Clarke in the hospital in order to sedate her and kissing Clarke in her tent. She tasted like longing and loneliness and Clarke fell in hard. She yearned to fill the other girl’s heart like she had already filled Clarke’s. She wanted to fall into her arms and wrap her up tightly and protect her from all the ugliness in the world.

“She preyed on me! She saw me at my weakest and she took advantage of me! How dare she?”

_You haven’t finished yet. You still have much to see._

“No fuck this! You can’t make me see more. I remember now anyway. I couldn’t deal with killing all of those people and I ran! I ran into the woods and I hope I died in there. Living in a world where Lexa is a manipulative, lying bitch is not a world I want to exist in. Oh wait, I already do! This is round two with lying Lexa.

_You must-_

“No, I’m finished. Take me back. I’m not watching anymore. I can’t.”

Clarke feels like she truly cannot handle anymore. Her heart is raw and she feels like her body has been run through a blender and floated. Her eyes are puffy and her nose is chaffed from wiping it on her sleeve so much. Clarke doesn’t know the last time she felt so angry and hurt before. She’s thankful for only remembering one instance of this amount of pain.

“We were supposed to be mated. I knew it was her! I knew in my heart that she was mine.”

_You can still be mated._

“No,” Clarke says firmly, “No we can’t. I could never be mated with someone who could love me and still abandon me like that.”

As she says it, Clarke does accept that Lexa loved her. She felt the yearning in her touch, the same yearning she showed her in the hospital. She feels an icy wall growing around her heart at the thought of having to face her when she wakes up. She sees the cloud light up in response to her anger and she turns into the void in hopes that if she walks far enough, she’ll eventually wake up.

The nebula watches her go and Clarke waits until she’s alone with the stars to let out a final gasp and scream of pain into the void. She rocks herself for the second time that day, if it even has been a day. She doesn’t know how long she stays there but eventually a pinprick of light flashes brighter and brighter as she feels herself gasp and surface into consciousness.

 

**_Later that same day, somewhere in the forest_ **

****

When she arrives a few hours later and she pulls the Jeep through the gates of the Polis Training Area, Lexa sees Indra and Gustus emerging from the mess hall tent. They stand at attention right outside the entrance to the tent, almost as if they knew it was her returning from the city.

_Great, now I get to hear about it for the next day and a half._

She puts the Jeep in park between two others and purposely avoids the mess hall tent where her mentors are waiting. She weaves in and out of the buildings in the camp until she’s made her way to the guard’s outlook.

Built about thirty feet up, the tiny nest wraps around the entire circumference of the old sycamore’s trunk. She sees two sets of familiar feet hanging over the edge facing away from the camp and she lets out a shrill whistle between her fingers. A single rope drops over the edge and she begins to climb, trusting her sore muscles to take her to the top just once.

When she reaches the ledge overlooking the forest and mountain range further north, she pulls the rope up behind her to ensure she isn’t followed. Once it’s secured and she realizes no one saw her climb up, she crosses her legs and closes her eyes as she leans back against the tree. She relaxes into the wood and breathes the scents of the nature around her deep into her lungs. Her body slumps against the tree and she feels the weight of her contained emotions coursing through her head. It makes her want to fight and she debates on whether she should go back down and let off some steam. They had a new batch of recruits come in, some from the Ark, and Lexa knows she will have to start hand to hand combat training sometime this week anyway.

“Good afternoon, Commander.”

“Good afternoon, Aden,” Lexa says languidly with her eyes still closed, patting the young man’s knee.

“Good afternoon, Commander.”

“Good afternoon, Lincoln.”

“Long day?” Lincoln asks, peeking around the young one between them. Lexa usually sits on duty with them when she’s had a stressful morning, enjoying the easy conversation she can have with the two scouts. Both the man and the boy are sitting with their legs hanging over the edge of the birds nest. Lincoln sits with his sketchpad across his knee, drawing a cardinal perched about forty yards away. The details are exquisite as always. Aden on the other hand finds himself carving his name into anything he can get. Today it’s a wooden bowl, most likely grabbed from the mess hall on his way out the door. The blade he wields is as long as his hand but Lexa can only smile with affection for him. The freshly painted elk antlers adorning his oversized breastplate flash in the sunlight as Lexa watches him carve.

Lexa and Aden grew up together in the program. Both were orphaned as small children and sent to live in the mountain because they had nowhere else to go. He was six when Lexa first met him, taking him under her wing almost immediately after realizing, like her, he was all alone in the world. Lexa grew up viewing the young man as a brother and was ecstatic when he was assigned to Tree Crew to train under Lincoln as a scout. Officially, he’s too young to be assigned but having completed all of his training as a NIGHTBLOOD agent, the council had no choice but to place him in one of the military branches until the time comes for him to lead.

“Yeah, really long morning.”

Aden looks up from his carving to smile mischievously at the Commander as he says, “How was she?”

Lexa gives the boy a look that says _don’t you dare_ but doesn’t back down. Lincoln politely goes back to drawing his bird as Aden and the Commander silently argue beside him.

Once Aden completed his nano series, a surprisingly high T80 compound, he began to regain partial memories from his past lives. He mostly remembered a single life growing up in a normal world much similar to the one they were in now but with slightly less technology. The one memory he would never let Lexa forget is the only memory he has of their last shared life together. He can recall when Lexa, as Commander of the Coalition, bribed him to convince Wanheda, Clarke, he would take care of her when he became Commander.

The day he remembered that was the day Lexa began to detest the word whipped. That was over a year ago and he had finally let it go a couple months back. Then Clarke came to earth. Now Lexa can’t so much as walk past the young man without him calling out to her with the sound effect _whaapshhh_ which is supposedly the sound of a whip being snapped. Lexa wishes she had a whip to snap at him right now as he continues to grin at her.

“You do realize we’re about thirty feet off the ground right? Have you forgotten the face of the woman who throws you into the dirt every time you try to fight me?”

“C’mon sis, I’m not a little kid anymore.”

Lexa reaches out and grasps him by the rib cage on either side and squeezes as he howls with laughter. She only holds him for a second but it’s enough to embarrass him into letting it go. His face shines hot red in the sun as he looks shamefully from Lexa to Lincoln and back again. She sees the frustration reach his eyes as he swats her hands away from him and mumbles, “Don’t do that Lex!”

She and Lincoln laugh under their breath as Aden huffs and angrily continues to scratch his name out of the side of the bowl.

“Commander DeForrest!” a deep voice howls from beneath their hiding place.

“Yes, Gustus?”

The thick bearded man stands at attention below the tree but Lexa can sense his annoyance as he looks up at her from the ground. She abandoned their morning training without notice, much to the disdain of Indra and Gustus, her two top lieutenants. From the look on his face, Lexa can assume the search and rescue training did not go well without her.

“The unit awaits your orders. Are we taking the rest of the day off?”

A sharp pain lashes through Lexa chest, fleeting memories of pain and betrayal crossing her mind one after the other. The onslaught knocks the breath out of her and she grabs at the railing above her head with one hand and braces her breastplate with the other.

“Commander? Hey Lexa! What’s happening?” She can feel Aden gripping her arm. She grits her teeth and shakes her head. She doesn’t know how but she feels Clarke remembering. She’s feeling every emotion with her, the desolation at the death of her best friend, the pain of killing Finn, every haunting they look they shared, the kiss, the kiss, the kiss, and the final betrayal. She hears herself saying the words, the words that destroyed them both.

_“I made this choice with my head and not my heart.”_

Lexa is thrown back at the power of the anger she feels rising up inside but almost as quick as the flame rises it’s gone. She’s left exhausted and out of breath, leaning against the trunk of the tree while trying to gain control in front of her soldiers.

_What the fuck was that?_

“Commander, what just happened? Are you going to be ok?” Lincoln has moved around the tree to kneel next to Lexa while Aden remained on the other side of her, her arm in a vicelike grip between his two hands.

Lexa nods her head and pats Aden’s hands with her own to get him to release. He does wearily, like he’s worried she’ll tumble over the edge as soon as he releases. She gives a quick shake of her head and stands shakily. She detests the worried looks the two scouts are giving her so she shakes out her arms and legs while rotating her head around in circles. The pain in her chest is gone, making her wonder if it even happened at all. She sees Gustus looking up at her expectantly. She knows he saw the whole thing but also that he knows how much angrier it would make her if he felt sorry for her.

“I’ll be down in a second. Prepare the unit. We’re doing hostage situation training next. We’re moving out in 20 minutes.”

Gustus only nods and turns to make his way back to camp. In a few moments Lexa begins to hear the frantic scurrying of the new recruits as they scramble to gather all their gear. Little do they know, the Commander has decided to make this an all-night training assignment. Once they return tomorrow morning, broken and exhausted, she’ll have plenty of time to return to Mount Weather and back before hand-to-hand combat truly begins.

“Lexa, are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“It’s not your place to question the directions of you Commander, Private Woods.” The tinge of hurt reflected in Aden’s eyes at the shortness of the comment pulls at Lexa’s heart but she feels like she needs to make up for the moment of weakness that she just showed to all of them.

“Excuse me, Commander DeForrest. I didn’t mean to outstep my bounds.”

Lexa kicks the rope over the side of the nest and turns to Lincoln before descending, “Return to camp and prepare to leave, scout. Inform Indra you’ll be travelling with her team for the mission.”

Her feet hit the ground and she’s let herself be taken over by the soldier. The only thing she allows herself to think about is the mission. The only thing she wants to think about is the mission.

_Mount Weather is tomorrow. Tonight we train._

**_Mount Weather_ **

****

Clarke hears the door open but doesn’t turn her head to see who enters the room. She knows it’s not Lexa so it really doesn’t matter. She keeps eating her ice chips and watching soccer match reruns. The person enters and drops something heavy on the side of the bed before plopping down in the chair with a groan.

“Ugh!” Anya says as she slips out of her heels and places her feet next to Clarke’s elbow, “So Griff, who’s winning?”

Clarke eyeballs the feet at her elbow before eyeballing the intruder in her chair. She crunches her ice in Anya’s direction before knocking the feet off the edge of the bed. Their eyes burn into each other before Anya bursts out laughing.

“You’ve got bigger balls than I thought kid.”

“USA is winning. Obviously.”

Anya leans onto her knees to hold her head in her hands while watching the TV with the other girl in silence. The match ends and Clarke mutes the television while they wait for the next match to start. She looks at the black garbage bag Anya has placed at the end of the bed and pokes it cautiously with her toe under the blankets. It feels like fabric and plastic.

“What’s this?”

Anya doesn’t take her eyes from the TV as she says, “Uniform.”

“Ok,” Clarke says as she turns to fully face the other woman, “Am I supposed to put it on?”

Anya nods and sits back in her chair yawning.

“Put it on when you’re ready of course. But first, we have to talk.”

Clarke knew they’d come and ask her about what she saw. She doesn’t want to talk about it with anyone from this mountain. She imagines using her memory of this place to escape into the tunnels below but then realizes they will be far less abandoned than they were in her previous life.

“Ugh, I knew it. I don’t really want to talk about it Anya.”

“Tough nuts Griff. Spill it.”

Clarke clamps her mouth shut and wonders how long Anya will stick around if she just refuses to talk. Clarke fills her mouth with ice chips and begins to crunch.

The chips were given to her because she’s not allowed to eat yet and she was getting nauseous from her empty stomach but that has long since abated. Now she’s just eating them to keep her temperature down. Every time she thinks about Lexa cold glare under her charcoal mask and the way her lips felt in that hospital, Clarke feels fury course through her veins and her temperature starts to rise, setting off alarms on her monitor which causes nurses to flood the room. She got tired of telling them she was fine and just began eating ice frantically.

“How about instead of talking about what I went through, how about you hold up your end of the deal and tell me what all this,” She gestures around the white room with one hand, “is about?”

Anya stands and dumps the contents of the bag onto the bed, sorting the armor into one pile and the single tight body suit into another. Surprisingly, every piece of the uniform is black. Clarke doesn’t know why she assumed it would have been the mottled brown and green of Lexa’s Tree Crew armor but she’s relieved. She doesn’t want to have to walk around in the same armor as that traitor. Anya starts with a question as she continues to straighten the pile.

“Have you ever heard of the NIGHTBLOOD program?”

Clarke feels a strong recollection at the word but in a distant way that signals it’s not from a memory in this life.

“No I haven’t heard of that program. It’s been a long time since I’ve heard the word nightblood, if you catch my drift.”

Anya nods as she continues, “Yeah I figured you wouldn’t have heard about us. Council members aren’t even aware of the program until they’ve served for at least four years. Since you’re completely new to this, we’ll do a quick review of our history for the past hundred years. To start off, this program is not completely loyal to what its true intentions were at the end of the war. The point of the NIGHTBLOOD program was to develop a symbiotic AI system that could work within a human host towards a common goal. That goal is the preservation and continuation of our species.”

Anya has moved back to the chair and put her feet back on the bed next to Clarke but she doesn’t seem to notice.

“In the beginning, the development of the AI was completed and all that was needed was a company to reproduce the chips that would be placed in the NIGHTBLOOD agents. The creator and the original symbiotic chip came before the council to request permission to proceed with the process. They refused on the grounds that it was a luxurious fantasy and the post war community could not afford to promote any type of research that would not enhance the entire community and only a few special individuals. They didn’t understand that with the chip in place in any form of leadership, there would be no more argument and no more wars because all leaders in all communities could come together to face a common goal. So instead of focusing on AI chips, the creator began to focus on a widespread technology that the council could not ignore: Nanos.”

“The development of the T30’s was much faster than anticipated with the combination of both the creator and the AI working together. Together, they created a machine that could endure rigorous abuse. They were designed to reinforce the original programming in their host through access to the brain and spine. The only problem was finding good hosts for the nanos. Their specialized programming and durable body types caused them to be much more aggressive on the host’s body. They needed a strong individual to carry them and be able to survive. Finally, they found someone who not only could survive with the nanos in their system, but thrive while supporting the primary goal of the program. They found their host in a 14 year old boy.”

“After they had finally found a match, they developed a unique personality testing system that enabled them to find better and stronger host. As they went through test subject after test subject, they started to realize that some bodies worked faster than the T30’s could keep up with, causing the nanos to short circuit inside the subject’s body and burning their tissues from the inside. Stronger nanos were developed as the discovery of stronger individuals increased.”

“As the program came into its prime and the development of the T80’s had just been completed, research was being finalized on the subjects who had ‘graduated’ from the program. They reported a large amount of vivid hallucinations starting at the T50 level. The stronger the nanos in the individual, the more likely they were to have vivid dreams or hallucinations while asleep or unfocused. The hallucinations were especially strong during or directly after receiving nano treatments for the first time.”

Anya stops and give Clarke a pointed look before continuing, “Another effect of the nanos on our systems is that our bodies are reinforced at a cellular level. This is in accordance with their programming because in order for us to help humanity stay alive, we need to be alive to support the nanos. Our bones become stronger, our blood clots faster, our organs don’t ever give up and we heal better. Not much faster but we don’t bruise very long. We are stronger, faster, more durable, and we can see better and think clearer than everybody. Oh, and just so you know, we’re not going to ignore the fact that you manhandled two of our best surgeons. We’re not discussing it now but we will get there eventually.”

Clarke can’t help but roll her eyes at the other woman but she does feel a tinge of guilt at the way she reacted after her shot.

“They were in the way and I was in a lot of pain.”

“Aw boo-hoo Clarke has a low pain tolerance! Well you almost killed a guy. Did you know that? We’ll be seeing him on the tour anyway and you can tell him all about how much pain you were in when you smashed in nose with the same impact as a high speed car crash.”

Clarke’s eye go wide at the thought as she looks down at her scabbed right knuckle. She’s only a little sore from the treatment but her hand feels none the worse for wear.

“Anyway,” Anya says as she relaxes back into her chair, “back to our story.”

“The nightblood agents know now that the hallucinations that we see are actually memories from our past lives. Of course none of us can explain why except that our brains have a much higher activity level than weak nano possessing individuals. We don’t try to explain it because the last agent that did was taken away and wiped. He had his nanos forcefully removed and he died because the average machines couldn’t support him.”

“Some of the agents share memories and that how they finally realized that’s what they were. I remember you. I remember getting shot by your people on accident and seeing you above me as I faded. We’ve come to the conclusion that the clearest memories are of our most recent life or of our most beloved life. The lower an individual’s nanos are, the less likely they are to have a clear knowledge of their past lives. Some T50’s only see images or hear dialogue. I am a T70 and I only have segments of memory and only from two separate lives. There is only one person who is able to clearly recall entire lifetimes and multiple memories from separate lives. But then again, she’s the only one to have survived the T100 nanos. Other than you, of course.”

Excitement begins to rise in her stomach at the thought that someone else has gone through the same thing she has. She jumps out of bed unsteadily and yanks the black body suit off the blankets. As she bends to put it on under her hospital gown, she turns away from Anya to face the wall and says, “Anya, whoever it is, I need to speak with them.”

_I need to know why I see her everywhere. I refuse to believe that the woman who abandoned me at my weakest moment could be my soulmate. I need to know why I can’t get her damned face out of my mind._

“I think you know who it is.”

Clarke freezes while putting her arms through to tight suit. She feels cold rocks fill the pit of her stomach and she shrugs on the suit before turning to zip it up to her neck. She gives Anya a questioning look and from the smirk she knows what she going to say before it falls out of her mouth.

“Commander Lexa DeForrest.”

 

**_On a dirt road, 15 minutes from Mount Weather Research Base_ **

****

“Hey Lex thanks for letting me come with you!” Aden beams at Lexa from the passenger side of the Jeep as the wind blows his hair back from his face. They took the top off before they left Polis partly because the AC doesn’t work in the car but mostly because it was a beautiful morning.

The rest of the camp had been out cold by 7:30 but Lexa’s body kept her writhing in her bunk for a solid two hours before jumping down and creeping through the building full of exhausted young men and women. When she managed to make it outside she found Aden leaned against her Jeep, munching on an apple as he twirled her keys around his finger.

“I didn’t really have a choice, did I? You little rat!”

“Hey you had a choice,” he yells at her over the wind, “You chose not to invoke the wrath of sleeping Gustus and Indra. Do you think we can make it back before they wake up?”

Lexa knows she shouldn’t be leaving for the second day in a row during their first week of boot camp. The new recruits needed constant training before they could be ready for any type of combat and to leave a unit with untrained soldiers could be dangerous if they were called up for assistance. Which they were. Constantly.

The center of nano development was located in the city closest to Tree Crew’s base. Anarchists and conspiracy theorists were the armies they had to face in battle. Tree Crew was Bomb Squad, Search and Rescue Team, Wildlife Management, Hostage Situation Management, Natural Disaster Assistance, anything you could think of. Lexa ached at the thought of being on leave during the rainy season.

“We’ll get back as soon as possible. I just need to take care of a few things while we’re here. Will you be able to do another hunt when we get back? You’re the most experienced tracker I have other than Lincoln and I’ll be assigning more scouts when we get back to Polis so I’ll need you to help train them.”

Aden’s smile is blinding as he proudly nods his head at his commander. Her trust in his skills swells his chest and he sits higher in the seat as she thumps him on the armor above his chest.

“Don’t get a big head.”

“Too late,” he says as he laughs.

They ride in silence for a minute before he shifts to turn the music down. He looks back out the window for lack of anything better to distract himself with. Lexa can tell he’s embarrassed by what he’s about to say. He hates having to have serious conversations. Even with the woman who is the closest thing to family he’s ever had.

“Are you nervous?”

Lexa put on her blinker as she turns down the long driveway to the guard hutch at the gate. She thinks for a long second before saying, “Yes.”

“Are you going to tell Clarke about…?”

Lexa huffs out a quick sigh before nodding her head, never taking her eyes off the road.

“Yes. I have to.”

“I wish you wouldn’t,” Aden says as he shifts uncomfortably in the seat next to her, “I wish you hadn’t married her in the first place.”

“Well I did and now I’m going to live my life buddy.”

“Don’t call me buddy, Lex,” Aden says as he finally turns to face her, “I know you. You can’t tell me this is what you want.”

Lexa flashes him a quick glare from the side of her eyes and shakes her head at him. She knows what she has to do.

“I never said it’s what I wanted. But it would have never worked out between us. Me and Clarke, I mean.”

Aden is now facing her full on, an incredulous look painted across his face as he says, “What are you talking about? It worked between you last time.”

Lexa feels the memory race up her spine as she sucks in a breath. She feels the ghost of Clarke’s lips across hers and the tears filling her eyes as she attempts to keep from shaking. She releases the memory to return to the past. Their love was too short lived. It was wonderful but it was ended too soon.

“We must be remembering different loves because the last memory I have is getting shot and watching Clarke cry over my body as I died. I can’t put her through that again. I won’t let it happen to us.”

“Lexa, who’s to say that will happen again? I mean-”

“That’s the thing Aden! It _always_ happens again! I can’t stop it unless I stay away from her!”

Lexa feels emotions filling her before she swallows them back down. She pushes her fear and her sadness deep into the pit of her stomach and she shake her head as they pull up to the guards at the fence.

“Identification?” The guard says as he hold us a small eye scanner. Lexa looks into the light and a high pitched beep signals she’s clear. He walks to the other side of the Jeep and Aden does the same after wiping his eyes with the back of his sleeve. The gate raises and the guard waves them through.

They pull into the underground garage and park. Lexa leaves her keys and makes her way to the elevator, waiting for Aden midway as he leaps out of the Jeep and jogs toward her. They jump on the elevator and press their respective floors. Aden’s floor comes up first but he grabs Lexa’s arm before he jumps off. He stands in the open doorway and looks into her eyes as he says, “I think you’re making a huge mistake.”

He’s gone and the doors are closing before Lexa can reply. She feels nervousness clenching her insides. She hasn’t felt this way for a long time and she doesn’t look forward to seeing Clarke lying in her hospital bed, looking at Lexa with that trusting look all over again. A beep alerts her that she’s reached her floor and as she steps forward to the open door she sees two black boots blocking her path. Her eyes travel up the thin armored body. Their fists are held at their sides stiffly and when Lexa makes her way to the face, she can’t help the smile of relief that coats her features.

Clarke looks perfectly fine. Her hair is pulled back into her signature two looping braids that meet in a ponytail behind her head. She’s wearing a NIGHTBLOOD uniform but Lexa imagines it’s only for a lack of civilian clothing. Lexa opens her mouth to say something but is stopped by the sight of Clarke’s clenched jaw. She looks into the other girl’s eyes only to see the usually clear ocean blue has been replaced with a heated black void.

“You bitch,” Clarke says through gritted teeth.

The ferocity of the statement make Lexa take a step back into the elevator and she hears Anya say “Oh shit,” under her breathe. She can see now that Clarke is taut with anger. It rolls off of her in waves as she follows Lexa into the elevator and the pressure of it almost chokes Clarke’s words in her throat.

“You fucking left me at that mountain. You fucking used me and you left me.”

The fire in Clarke’s eyes distracts Lexa and she raises her hands in a surrendering motion. The submissive body language only seems to further anger the figure in front of her.

“How dare you kiss me knowing you fucking left me?”

“Clarke,” Lexa says softly, “I’m sorry. Let me explain-”

Lexa sees the fist and almost considers dodging. She knows she could. A quick step to the left and Clarke would fall forward into the wall of the elevator and Lexa could detain her easily. The girl has no former training and the only thing she has on her side would be whatever the strength of her nanos is.

She doesn’t dodge because as time slows down, she sees the exact pain in Clarke’s eyes that she had when she held the knife to Lexa’s throat. She didn’t run then and she can’t run now. The guilt attacks her heart and she watches as the fist falls faster toward her face. Lexa closes her eyes tightly, knowing that this was going to hurt worse than any pain she’s ever felt.

The blow lands low, right on the tip of her chin. Her head rocks back and she feels her arms go stiff as she falls into the wall of the elevator. Her nanos do their best to keep her awake but she fights against it, hoping above all else that she’ll just go to sleep. Her vision begins to tunnel as she watches the girl standing above her. Tears fall from Clarke’s chin onto Lexa’s face and her head tilts back to meet the floor. Anya does her best to wrestle Clark out of the elevator but she stands firm. Lexa feels herself being pulled under and the last thing she sees is the deep blue of Clarke’s eyes returning as she sobs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that was all over the place! Hope you guys are enjoying the ride. Thanks for the read and feel free to leave comments. I'm really bad at answering but I'll do my best. Sorry if there are grammatical errors, I kind of busted this out before I could properly check it.


	4. and God divided the Light from the Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey we're back with Clarke and Lexa in mount weather!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks so much for all the support you guys! it's spring break so I busted this one out with the quickness.

**_Mount Weather Military Research Base_ **

****

“Clarke?”

Lexa calls quietly into the surrounding forest. The thick fog around her body shrouds the dense green wood around her. She hears the laugh reach out at her through the mist, taunting her with its nearness. As she turns swiftly, she sees hair flying behind a quickly fading body. She takes off after her even though she knows Clarke is not actually there.

Lexa knows she’s in the in-between. Usually when she finds herself between the worlds, she’s able to direct herself to a life or a memory from anywhere in her wood. Today she finds herself lost in the now unfamiliar mist. She follows voice after voice only to burst through the brush in the same spot where she started. Her frustration had reached its peak when she finally found Clarke and she was determined not to lose sight of her.

Now the fog is thinning up ahead and she realizes she’s in the middle of a crowded gallery floor.

“Lexa!”

She turns and swishes her dress to face the beautiful woman gliding toward her in a sparkling gown. Clarke reaches out to her and grips her hand tightly. Her palms are cold and Lexa sees the hand holding her glass of champagne shake slightly. But she smiles brightly and places a sweet kiss on Lexa’s cheek.

“How were the kids when you left the house?”

Lexa smiles brightly when she thinks of their children in this life. Their eldest is tall dark-haired boy of nine and their two youngest are seven year old golden headed twins that are actual miniatures of Clarke. Lexa had put them to bed before the babysitter arrived and all of them had been as pouty as ever.

“They were sad to miss your show. The girls said to tell mommy good luck. Aidan said he needed an advance on his allowance. He also said good luck.”

Clarke smiles sadly as she sips her glass. Lexa knows she hates being away from them so much. Tucking their children into bed had become a special habit they had developed when their son was only three. Clarke loved to act out stories with Lexa, who committed to the story telling with much less enthusiasm than her wife. However, as much as she pretended to dislike acting out silly stories for her children, it had become her favorite part of the day and she missed Clarke being there too.

“Well, mommy is going to need all the help she can get. This bunch might be a tough nut to crack. Want to help me make a sale?”

Lexa doesn’t answer as Clarke drags her through the crowd to the edge of the room. Her biggest piece is hung on the wall in front of them. Lexa finds herself pursing her lips at the thought that this is the piece Clarke wants her to try to sell.

It’s a large oil painting of Lexa and the twins. They were still only babies when Clarke had taken the picture. Lexa had been placing a handful of bubbles on her chin and the girls were reaching their tiny little fingers over the edge of the tub at their mother when she heard the click of the camera and her wife laughing. Their babies had smiled widely at the sound of Clarke and that caused Lexa to grin in even wider.

The picture turned out to be nearly perfect but the painting was everything. The top of their tiny baby heads were covered with bubble hats. They peeked out above the edge of the tub as Lexa flashed a brilliant smile at her two youngest children. Bubbles had fallen from her chin on to her pants but it didn’t matter because the floor around her was soaked with water.

Lexa had known this would be her favorite piece before Clarke even finished it. Once completed and ready to be sold, Lexa managed to hide it from her wife time and time again in an effort to save it from every upcoming gallery opening. Somehow, according to their son, Clarke had discovered the painting and stolen it away. The fact that the super-secret hiding place had happened to be under his bed was ignored and when questioned further, he pleaded the fifth.

“Clarke,” Lexa pulls her close before gently wrapping her wife’s hand in both of hers, “Do you really have to sell this one?”

“Lex, I need to be able to sell my paintings to be considered a successful artist,” Clarke says as she pulls Lexa’s hand to her lips, “But, since I know how much you like it, this one is actually not for sale.”

Lexa can’t help the grin and blush that lights up her face and she finds herself leaning into Clarke’s lips. Clarke widens her eyes at the approach, Lexa has never been one for public displays of affection, but leans in just as quickly as her wife. Lexa means for it to be quick and sweet but the kiss last for more than half a beat and she wraps her arms around Clarke’s waist. They hear a cough next to them and Lexa releases, looking around her sheepishly as Clarke giggles next to her. She turns around to bop her wife and faces nothing. A white void surrounds her and she quivers as she remembers this place is not real. Her lip trembles and she holds back a miserable sob.

 _You cannot avoid your fate forever,_ she hears as the fog surrounds her once more and the forest returns.

“If it means it will protect her, I will avoid it unto my dying breath.”

She feels the disappointment more than hears it as the voice around her replies, _You are both stronger when together, in this life more than any other. Your fate has never been to face death alone, Commander. If you truly wished to keep her safe, you would accept her and all the things that become of your choices._

“I don’t know what my fate is, in this life or any other. But I will not watch her die again. I will not watch her cry over me as I fade from this world.”

_You were made as one when this place came in to being. You were formed by the stars and separated in your physical forms, destined to find each other time and time again. Until your souls are able to return here to reunite for all eternity, you are tied together in spirit and love. You do more harm than good by allowing the fear of loss to govern your life._

“Lexa!” She whips around at the voice in the distance. It’s full of pain and fear. She makes to take off after it and another appears behind her, “Don’t leave me, Lexa.”

_Death has always been a part of life Lexa. Accept this and you will understand the true happiness you seek._

She finds herself turning around and around listening to Clarke’s last words echo through the mist. She falls to her knees as the tears race down her face and she presses her hands hard against her ears. The voices never cease and she feels the ghost of a hand brushing her hair against her head.

“May we meet again.”

Lexa feels herself flying upwards and braces for the impact of returning to her body. She gasps as she comes to, the splash of cold water running down her neck and into the black suit under her armor. The material wicks the moisture away from her skin but the cool has taken her breathe away and she falls over to let the liquid run back out her nose and mouth. She lets her body breathe deeply and she faintly hear the click of a metal bucket meeting the elevator floor.

“Good morning, sleepy head!” Aden says cheerfully over the roaring in her ears. She’s always a little disoriented when she comes back from that place and she lets her senses return completely before replying.

“Please don’t tell me I’ve been here all night.”

Aden squats down next to her as he holds his hand out. She reaches up and grabs it and the boy pulls her to her feet. She begins to shake her arms out when she gets her balance back. Aden grabs the bucket and backs out of the elevator, motioning at Lexa to follow him.

“No, you’ve only been under for about 10 minutes. Some dumb nurse aid wanted to wake you up by hand but I made him get me this bucket. I’d rather not peel you off an innocent bystander today. Damn, that’s a pretty good pop knot she gave you. I’m guessing the talk didn’t go so well?”

Lexa gently touches the large bump that has formed on the left side of her chin and raises her eyes at the boy to signal he’s guessed correctly.

“Yeah she was pissed off. But it wasn’t much of a talk. It was mostly Clarke being mad and me being sorry. I didn’t get to put in my half of the conversation. The weird thing is, she was just mad about Mount Weather. It was kind of like déjà vu.”

“Or history repeating itself,” Aden says absently but then quickly corrects himself as he realizes what was just said, “Sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“It’s ok,” Lexa says as she looks up and down the hall. It’s surprisingly abandoned. “Where the hell is everybody?”

“Oh they’re all off acting busy since a council member is here.”

Lexa stops mid step as she turns back to Aden swiftly and says, “What?”

“Yeah,” he says, not recognizing Lexa’s panic, “They came to get Clarke. Anya told me right before I woke you that they were taking her home.”

Lexa reaches out and grabs his arms and can barely stop herself from shaking him. “Where are they, Aden?”

“Uh-”

“Aden, where are they?”

He finally sees the panicked look in her face as she says, “Helicopter pad, ground level.”

Lexa turns and makes her way to the door that reads “Staircase, emergency exit”. She knows her fear is unprecedented. She has no reason to fear the council would ever intentionally hurt an innocent civilian. She knows it’s against every law the council was formed on but she has to make sure Clarke will be ok.

Aden scrambles to catch up with her as she burst through the door at a sprint. She’s made her way up the first flight as he screams, “They’re probably already gone! Just take the elevator.”

She doesn’t bother replying as she continues to take the steps two at a time. She hear the door slam shut behind her and Aden’s feet meeting the stairwell as he races up after her.

 

**_Helicopter Landing Pad, Mount Weather Military Research Base_ **

****

Clarke breathes the fresh mountain air deeply into her lungs and releases it with fervor. She spreads her arms wide as the wind lifts her hair from her shoulders and resists the urge to rip the armor off to be able to feel it better against the skin of her arms and legs. With the beauty of the natural world surrounding her, she can almost forget how wrong it felt to ram her fist into Lexa’s chin. Almost.

“Ms. Griffin, we’re ready when you are.”

Clarke turns back to the councilman. His head is shaved bald and he’s wearing a perfectly tailored heather grey suit. His button and cufflinks shine brightly in the sun, momentarily blinding Clark before she faces back into the forest.

When they first met, she had to make herself shake his outstretched hand. She felt a sense of familiarity wash over her as he told her his name was Councilman Titus. Her head spun when she tried to think about where she had heard that name before so she put it into the back of her mind, determined to remember where she knew him when she got over how beautiful the Earth actually was.

Looking at the colors and smelling the scents surrounding her made Clarke realize how wrong the textbooks got it. The various hues of the surrounding forest was nothing compared to even the clearest memory she had from her past life. The trees were tall and old here. They creaked in the wind and Clarke got a distinct urge to try to climb one. The sky above them was clear and bright, no clouds in sight for miles surrounding the helicopter pad.

“Griff! That means let’s go!” Anya says from her seat inside the helicopter.

Clarke takes one last breath as she turns to make her way back to the helicopter. As she approaches, Councilman Titus motions to the seat of the helicopter and follows her into the body of the beast.

“I would just like to apologize once again on behalf of the commander. She usually acts with more… tact. This is very unlike her but rest assured she will be dealt with appropriately.”

Clarke has to take a calming breath before she replies. This is about the twentieth time the councilman has apologized to Clarke about this “terrible mistake” and she can barely keep her irritation in check at this point. Her anger at Lexa returns in full force and she feels her cheeks going red.

“Really, Councilman Titus, I understand your embarrassment at the situation but I just want to go home. I trust the commander will be dealt with but I really don’t want to hear any more about her.”

“Yes of course Clarke the important thing is returning you to your family and friends-”

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

“Excuse me?” Titus says, facing Clarke in his seat next to her.

“No, not you,” Clarke says as she motions past the man to the doors they came out of a few minutes before.

Commander DeForrest has burst through the round compound door at a full sprint. As she turns to see the helicopter and all three people watching her, she comes to an abrupt stop and appears to be collecting herself before approaching.

“Councilman Titus,” she calls from the edge of the helicopter pad, “Could I have a word with you please?”

The man next to Clarke sighs in irritation but begins to remove his seat belt. As he steps lightly out of the metal monster, he impatiently straightens the sleeves of his jacket. He makes his way over to Lexa and Clarke catches herself wondering what the commander looks so concerned about. Her face is a blank mask but Clarke finds that she’s able to see under the front the commander tries to put on. Her head is high and her mouth is a flat line but Clarke can see the underlying level of panic that touches her eyes. Lexa’s eyes flick into the helicopter and meet hers instantly. Clarke turns her face quickly, attributing her aching heart to anger. She grumbles under her breathe as Anya watches the entire exchange, smiling to herself at the absurd amount of stubbornness on display.

 

“I have a bone to pick with you, DeForrest. Whoa did you run all the way up here?”

Lexa peels her eyes away from the back of the blond head in the helicopter as she looks back at the councilman before her.

“I need to know if you plan to wipe her.”

Titus tilts his head at the commander in confusion for a second before realization dawns on him quickly. He chuckles under his breath and shakes his head at the ground as he says, “Jesus fucking Christ. Are you insane?”

Her intensity never wavers and Titus resigns with a sigh, “No, Commander DeForrest, she’s not scheduled to be wiped. She is, after all, a civilian. Although if anyone has earned it, it would be you.”

“So you’re just taking her home right?”

The look of disbelief hasn’t left his face as he looks between Lexa and the girl in the helicopter. Lexa tries hard to not let her eyes wander to where Clarke is speaking animatedly with Anya.

Titus crosses his arms as he starts in on Lexa, “I didn’t think you of all people would be one to lose your mind over a pretty woman but I must have confused you with the _married_ Lexa DeForrest. Yeah, remember that? I don’t believe you would have risked your career for a stranger so don’t try to feed me that. I’ve heard the rumors about your program and if I were a man to believe in such things, I might think you have a previous attachment to that young woman.”

Lexa feels the blush inching up her chest. She grits her teeth and steps as close as she dares to the councilman. She finds herself whispering to keep herself from screaming as she says, “If you did believe such things, you would still be wrong. I did what I did to save a civilian. I would have done it for anyone. I knew she needed help and I gave it to her. If you feel I need to be punished for doing my job then so be it. But I will not apologize for saving a life. Also, don’t bring up my marriage again. I know more about my commitments to my wife than you do.”

“Lexa, you revealed the technology of a highly secretive agency in order to save the life of one stranger. You put this program in more jeopardy by saving her than by letting her die. It would have been a horrible, painful, mysterious death, but our secrets would not be at risk and your career would be safe.”

Lexa never backs down from his steely glare as she says, “That’s not who I am Titus. I couldn’t have let her die even if I wanted to. But Clarke won’t say anything. Just ask. And if she does, punish me. But I know she won’t spill your precious secrets if you ask her not to.”

Titus stands her gaze for only a moment before he retreats and straightens his lapels. His eyes never leave hers as he says, “Trust me Lexa, you’ll be hearing from the council soon, regardless of what Ms. Griffin does or does not do. Tell my niece I said hello.”

“My wife would be happy to hear from you so you’re more than welcome to go tell her yourself.”

“For the sake of your marriage,” Titus says as he backs toward the helicopter, “You had better hope I do not see her before you do.”

He turns to make his way back to the helicopter and Lexa gives the back of Clarke’s head one final look before making her way back to the mountain. At some point Aden made his way up the stairwell and is waiting for her at the door. She feels the helicopter raising off the ground but she doesn’t stop as she makes her way into the side of the mountain, the boy close at her heels. She closes the giant door behind them and never lets her face reveal a thing.

Aden can see from the look on her face it would not be wise to ask so he follows her to the garage and sits in silence as the make their way back to Polis. As they enter the gates, he sighs as he thinks _It’s going to be a long week._

**_Landing, A New Place to Call Home?_ **

****

Clarke does not enjoy the long fight it takes to make it back to the city. Her stomach is rolling and she extremely grateful for the fact she hasn’t had an actual meal in days. Any solids she had would have erupted out of her as soon as they left the ground. Anya gives her no pity as she makes comments about Clarke and Titus’ suit being a matching color and she nearly cries with relief as she see them approaching a helicopter pad. They slowly make their way down and Titus holds his hand out once more to shake as he speaks into his helmet.

“It was very nice to meet you, Clarke Griffin. We’re only going to be touching down momentarily because Anya and I need to return to the Hall of The Council immediately. Keep your head low until you’ve made your way off the pad. Your family should be waiting.”

He doesn’t have to explain as Clarke looks out the window and sees them. Her mother and father are surrounded by her herd of friends as the all look into the sky and cheer at the approaching helicopter.

They reach the ground and Clarke nearly falls out of the helicopter in her urgency to be surrounded by those she loves again. Jake and Abby wrap her up as she falls into their arms and Clarke can feel her friends tearing at her sleeves in order to get her attention. Her parents release her and she realizes her dad has been crying but he shakes his hands at her and pushes her into a tangle of loving arms.

Raven and Octavia meet her on either side and she wraps an arm around each of them. Octavia is blubbering just as bad as her father and Clarke finds herself tearing up in response. All three girls press their heads together and Raven screams, “Damn you both!” as tears start to fall from her eyes as well. All three laugh and Clarke takes turns wiping their eyes with the pad of her thumb. Bellamy appears out of nowhere and wraps her up as he twirls her around excitedly. His face is red under his freckles as he says, “I’m so glad you’re back, I have to take an art history class in school now and I need you to help me study.” She punches his arm lightly and he yells out, “Ouch! Damn I was just kidding!”

 _Oops,_ she thinks, _I’m going to have to be more gentle with them now._

She turns and finds herself wrapped up tightly against someone’s chest. Wells’ familiar scent washes over her and she has to stop herself from crying at the memory of his death. She breathes him and squeezes back as he says, “I’m sorry I didn’t get to come visit,” into her hair. She pulls away and laughs lightly as he smiles back at her.

“Yeah, thanks for nothing Wells, I needed you to sneak me in some food! Mom was starving me out!”

He pushes Clarke back as he looks over his shoulder and motions to a stranger standing behind him.

“Um, Clarke, I’d like you to meet Echo.”

The thin woman steps forward and extends a hand timidly. Clarke’s smile breaks out as she steps forward to return the motion and she finds the woman looking her up and down. She realizes she’s still wearing the armor they gave her at the mountain. She laughs at little at the realization that the girl is intimidated by her.

“Don’t worry, they gave me this to wear because I didn’t have anything else. It’s nice to meet you Echo.” As she touches the other girl’s soft palm, a memory jumps out at her. It’s Echo, leaving the door of the mountain, weak and barely clothed, as the grounder army slips away. The suddenness of the vision startles her and she release the hand quickly, shaking her head back and forth to clear the fogginess.

“Speaking of starving people out, I am fucking hungry!” Octavia exclaims loudly as she throws an arm over Clarke’s shoulder.

“Blake!” Jake says from behind the group, “Watch your mouth in front of my wife!”

Abby turns and bops Jake’s arm as they all turn to make their way back in the same direction.

“Sorry Daddy Griffin,” Octavia says as she turns and sticks her tongue out at Clarke and Raven, “but seriously can we get some grub? I’m thinking pizza.”

“Oh my god!” Raven and Bellamy yell out at the same time.

“Pizza?” Clarke asks Raven.

“Hell yes! You’re going to love it. Fresh pizza is much better than space pizza.” Raven says, “Abby please order us some! I’ll pay for it!”

Abby only shakes her head and holds her hand up at the girls.

“I can’t let you do that,” she says and as their girl’s faces fall she continues with, “I’ll pay for it. Jake and I will pick it up if you’ll take Clarke back to our new house.”

The whole group jumps and high fives, Bellamy being the most enthusiastic of them all.

 

The Arker’s received much more assistance than they originally planned for. Most of the working adults received housing stipends and those who were old enough to apply were able to. Bellamy and Raven, being the oldest and the only two with a job, had been a part of the lucky few to receive help with transportation and housing. Bellamy went for the vehicle while Raven received a house and they had already worked out a living plan between themselves. Their houses were all in the same neighborhood, an area especially built for the space colonials. They had begun school the day after they landed and a few had already been assigned their ground assignments.

Clarke and her family lived in a three bedroom house two houses away from Octavia and her mom and right next to the Jaha’s. Clarke rode with Octavia, Raven, and Bellamy in his new car while Well’s followed behind in his father’s vehicle with Echo.

Clarke was more than please that her friend had found his mate. Just from watching the way they looked at each other seemed to prove to Clarke that it was meant to be. She actually looked forward to involving the girl in their group more and more hoping that she wouldn’t feel alienated by the friends who had known each other their whole lives.

“Clarke, it’s the weekend and you’re back and you’re healthy. You know what that means?”

She had been busying herself with removing the armor on her body with Raven’s help so she almost didn’t answer but the puppy dog look he was giving her in the rearview mirror made her roll her eyes as she said, “What does it mean Bellamy?”

“It means we’re gonna get drunk bitches!” Octavia screamed in the passenger seat as she stuck her hands out the window in excitement. Bellamy’s only reply was to turn the radio up to an ear shattering level and rock his head back and forth in response. They all laughed and danced until they pulled up into Clarke’s new driveway.

They helped Clarke gather up the armor she could get out of as Wells and Echo pulled into the drive next door and started walking across the grass to meet the group. They all made their way to the front door behind Clarke.

She reached out for the knob but found it was locked. An artificial voice burst from a panel underneath the doorknob, “Identification?”

“Uh?”

“Say your name,” Raven said as she shouldered her from behind.

“Oh,” Clarke leaned forward slightly, “Clarke Griffin?”

“Confirmed,” the voice said, “Welcome home, Clarke.”

The door clicked and swung open as the group made their way into the house. Directly in front of the group was a tall staircase and past it was what looked like an empty office. To the left was a sitting area and to the right was the entrance to a large kitchen. Everything was so shiny and new, the house itself seemed like a mock-up of a real home. Clarke couldn’t really imagine herself living here as her friends spread out to look around the house. The Blake’s headed straight for the kitchen while Wells, Echo, Raven, and Clarke turned to go into the sitting area. Two couches and a chair surrounded the room and Clarke turned to look out the window that took up nearly the entire wall.

Kids were riding bikes in the street and kicking a ball in the lawn across from hers but she could not shake the feeling that something was seriously wrong in her life. Clarke knew she had no reason to think so. She was alive and healthy, her friends had all settled into their lives on the ground and she was almost looking forward to ground orientation tomorrow. But something kept pressing her and she couldn’t help the gloom that was settling on her shoulders as she silently combed her brain for even the tiniest glimpse of what might be bothering her.

“Hey, if you want to change, I can take you to your room.” Raven had come up behind her and was grabbing her elbow to turn her from the window. Clarke could see her friend searching her eyes for some hint of what was keeping her so quiet so Clarke smiled and nodded her head quickly.

“Yes please. I need to get out of this armor and into some real clothes. I feel like I need to be storming the battlements with this on.”

Raven led the way up the staircase and turned left down the hall. Clarke’s room was the first one on the left. Raven opened the door and motioned for Clarke to enter first with a smile pasted on her face.

“Wow,” was all Clarke could say at the scene before her. The bed was huge, much bigger than the one she had aboard the Ark. The window faced out into the street and an easel had already been set up in the alcove. Her father had placed her recent birthday present on the pillowed bench next to the window.

“Some clothes are in the dresser but most are hung up in the closet. Also there’s a bathroom through that door,” Raven said as she splayed out across the mattress. Clarke figured she’d be there for a while so she started removing her armor and dropping it to the floor. She dug through the drawers for a clean underwear and headed to the bathroom door.

Peeling the body suit off seemed harder than it should have been. The blistered skin of her arm had become irritated at some point and the material peeled fresh blisters off when she managed to unsheathe her arm from it. She bit her lip to keep from crying out at the pain but still released a low groan from deep in her throat.

“Clarke? You ok?” Raven had approached the door at the sound and Clarke let out an affirmative noise. She heard the girl retreat back to the bed and she continued to put on the clean under clothes. When she emerged to find some clothes, Raven was sitting up in the bed and her eyes went wide from the look at Clarke’s arm.

“What happened to your mark?” Raven nearly screamed out and Clarke had to shush her from the closet. Raven approached and held her hand out for Clarke to place the hurt arm in. She pulled her face close to it and rubbed a finger right outside the pink ring of irritated skin.

“Damn Clarke…”

“It looks worse than it is. It should be healed up in about a week.”

“That’s a long damn time. What does the mark say?”

Clarke turns back to the closet and grabs a random t-shirt off a hanger. She moves around the girl and moves to the dresser to find a pair of pants, taking time to decide how she going to word her explanation to her friend.

“It… it doesn’t say anything. It’s just a letter. The letter L.”

“What about that thing below it?”

“I don’t know what that is. Probably just a glitch from where the nanos started to die.”

“Ok,” Raven says as she moves back to the bed. She pats the blanket next to her and motions for Clarke to sit next to her. Clarke finds some new socks and sits down to put them on. She knows what Raven’s going to ask so she beats her to it.

“I don’t know what happened in there Raven. I know my nanos started to die and they gave me new ones. But that’s it. I don’t have anything else to say about it.”

"So you’re not allowed to say what happened huh?”

Clarke doesn’t say anything but she raises her eyebrows and huffs out a breath in reply.

All of a sudden, Octavia bursts through the door to the bedroom and launches herself onto the mattress.

“Hey, you two need to stop making out if you’re not going invite me to join in! Your parents are here with the pizza. Damn Clarke this is a nice bed. Too bad your parents are in the room right down the hall. No gentleman callers for you! Now let’s go get some food before Bell scarfs it all down. We have a long night ahead of us ladies!”

The pizza was just as good as they claimed it would be.

 

            Raven and Bellamy’s house happened to be very similar to Clarke’s in that it was a two story house with three bedrooms but that was where the similarities ended. Booze had been spread in all the rooms on the lower level, including the bathroom. The freezer was packed with huge bottles of vodka, whisky, and rum. Two coolers could be located in each room filled with either beer or tiny bottles of liquor. The tub in the bathroom was filled with different kinds of wine coolers, beer, and pre-packaged shots. Three fresh trays of jell-o shots were stacked on top of each other in the fridge.

Clarke found herself wandering through the house observing all the different types of liquor that were available on the ground. They hadn’t been allowed much alcohol on the Ark, mostly because it was dangerous but also because it was expensive to transport. Clarke was slightly excited and slightly nervous about the amount of alcohol surrounding her. She couldn’t imagine this night ending well but she eventually decided to throw caution to the wind as she made up her mind to enjoy this as much as possible.

“God this is enough alcohol to kill a herd of elephants. How the hell did you even pay for all of this?”

 Raven and Bellamy exchanged a look and shook their head at each other.

“Don’t worry about it,” Bellamy said, “It’s your night. You just do your best to have a good time.”

 

The party had begun to pick up when Clarke noticed her guest of honor make his way into the back yard where she, Octavia, and Bellamy happened to be playing another game of beer pong.

 “Captain Finn Collins! What an honor!” Clarke shouted out at the boy. He’d come alone surprisingly, probably thinking Clarke had invited him for herself. The outburst had startled him and she saw the blush creeping into his cheeks even in the low lighting. As he approached, Bellamy made another shot and whooped in excitement. He was close to catching up with Clarke at this point but she knew he’d fall behind again soon because he was clearly past drunk. She drank the beer nonchalantly as she tossed the ball back into one of his last three cups.

She hadn’t even felt a head change yet, much to her disappointment. She had taken her first shot when Jasper and Monty showed up with their homebrewed mix right before dusk, like they needed anymore alcohol in the house, and continued to take shots with nearly every guest she saw. She knew it was because of her nanos but she was determined to at least get a buzz before everyone passed out around her.

Turning back to face Finn, she noticed he’d fixed his hair and wore something other than a Sky Crew uniform, thank goodness. She stepped forward and felt drunk Octavia meeting her pace as she slinked toward him as well. They heard Bellamy bellow after them as they approached the new boy and he quickly began setting up a new game between him and Murphy, who had been watching Clarke kick his butt from the sidelines.

“Well, I’m glad you could make it,” Clarke said from a safe distance away, knowing Finn would take every opportunity to be nearer to her.

Finn’s eyes fill with hope as he looks Clarke up and down and says, “I’m glad you called, Princess.”

Clarke barely manages to keep the disgusted shiver from rolling down her spine by gulping down the beer in her hand. Octavia comes up to bump Clarke with her hip, causing her to spill beer down her chin and shirt.

“Party foul,” Octavia says.

Octavia has managed to hold her own all night. Sipping on beer and taking only the shots she was offered. But even now Clarke can see the slightly glazed look that covers her eyes as she says, “I’m glad you could make it too. I’m Octavia, Clarke’s best friend.”

Clarke knows she’s not in her right mind and she steps in front of Octavia as she says to Finn, “Yes, she’s my best friend who was just leaving to find somewhere better to be.”

“Ugh that’s rude,” Octavia says but turns to saunter away into the crowd. She hears her yell over the music, “If you get bored Captain, you can come find me.”

“Anyway,” Clarke says as she smiles politely at Finn, “would you like something to drink?”

He nods and she turns to go into the house, knowing he’ll follow her. She comes in the back door and makes her way over the kitchen bar to grab a couple dark colored shots before throwing them both back one after the other. She turns to see Finn looking her over with an impressed look on his face as the alcohol burns down her throat. She reaches back again and hands him a couple beers and says, “Follow me, I have someone I’d like you to meet!”

They weave their way in and out of room after room until they find themselves in the sitting area at the front of the house. She sees Octavia latched onto some poor guy in the corner. Clarke is thankful for the distraction but she also feels bad about the kid. It’s going to take a strong man to take on Octavia Blake and live to tell the tale. Then she sees exactly who she’s looking for.

Raven is seated between Monty and Jasper as they discuss something that is most likely mechanical. She laughs at something Monty says and as she throws back her head, Clarke hears Finn says, “Whoa,” over her shoulder. Clarke approaches the group confidently and holds her hand out to Raven to take. She accepts with a questioning look but allows herself to be pulled up from the couch and across the room.

“Raven, I’d like to introduce you to someone I met during the exodus. This is Finn Collins. Finn,” Clarke turns and finds that Finn isn’t looking at her anymore. He and Raven have locked eyes and completely ignoring what Clarke has been saying. Raven has placed a hand on Clarke’s shoulder and she gets the hint.

As Clarke retreats through the room, she takes a final look over her shoulder at the two who have now relocated to another couch. Her heart is nearly bursting with happiness for the two people she feels she caused unnecessary agony between in their previous life. As she watches, Clarke feels the pain at the memory of killing Finn begin to ebb in her mind. Her shoulders become lighter and the anxiousness she didn’t know she was feeling fades.

With a little more pep in her step, she turns and makes her way back to the kitchen and smashes into a girl coming around the corner. Drinks go flying into the air and both of them are soaked before they hit the floor.

“Oh my god,” Clarke says as she scoots closer to the girl on her knees, “Are you ok? Like seriously I am so sorry about that. I should have been paying better attention-”

“It’s fine Clarke really. I’m ok. Just help me up.”

The girl reaches out a hand and Clarke braces herself as they rise together. The hands in hers are soft and warm and almost instantly she feels a head change from all the liquor and beer she’s consumed in the last six hours rush through her body. AS they finally get to their feet and make eye contact Clarke realizes she knows this girl from somewhere.

The smell of wood burning surrounds her. The bed is covered in furs and the girl’s lips are everywhere. Clarke is only here to be able to feel something, anything. Her lips trace the curves of Clarke’s breasts and hips and all she wants is to not be alone.

“Niylah, right?”

She sees her eyes light up in response to Clarke’s recognition as she lowers them to the ground shyly. It makes Clark smile and she can’t help but brush the golden strand of hair behind the girl’s ear.

“Sorry, it was probably a little strange that I knew your name already. But it’s only fair because you knew mine as well.”

The alcohol in her blood was making her brave as she tilted the other girls head up to see her eyes. They were bright and Clarke could see the kindness underneath as she waits for the other girl to reply.

“Well, you are the birthday girl,” Niylah said as she takes a step in, closing the gap between the two, “But how did you know my name? Have we met somewhere?”

“No you would definitely remember me if we had met before.”

Clarke can feel her head spinning faster now and she knows it’s not right as she says it but the words slip out anyway, “If you come upstairs to help me find a towel, I’ll tell you how I know you.”

Niylah hears the challenge in Clarke’s voice and doesn’t hesitate to follow close behind as she makes her way up the stairs.

Clarke knows she’s not drunk enough for this. Her head begins to spin worse with each pounding step she takes up to the second floor. Her brain still hasn’t caught up with her body and she doesn’t even know what she’s planning to tell the girl when they make it into the small bathroom and she hears the door close and lock behind her. She busies herself with finding towels and as tosses one to Niylah, she begins to speak.

“So, how is it that Clarke Griffin knows my name at a party I wasn’t invited to?”

Clarke can feel the frustration building somewhere in her stomach. Her blood is beating in her ears and a high pitched ringing is starting to grow somewhere to her left. She dries her face furiously with the towel and she watches as Niylah removes her shirt to pat her chest with the cloth. Her face heats up at the view of the other girl so close but her voice doesn’t betray her nerves.

“Someone told me that a gorgeous girl from the ground had come to wish me happy birthday. I simply realized the only one you could be here for was me.”

Niylah’s sexy laugh rings in Clarke’s ears above the roaring of her heart.

“Oh someone told you that huh? Well did they tell you how I was going to wish you a happy birthday?”

Clarke tries hard to hold down the growl rising in her throat as she watches Niylah approach her slowly. She feels her annoyance growing as the girl takes her time to reach out and grab her towel from Clarke’s hands.

As Niylah inches closer to Clarke, she senses the muscles in her arms twitching at the need to pull the other girl against her but she holds fast, for reasons she can’t figure out herself.

“They told me you would surprise me,” Clarke says as her sluggish brain finally forms a statement. She didn’t care what she said but something had to get the other girl moving again. Clarke is almost at the breaking point when Niylah bring her body close to Clarke. She can smell the liquor on her breath and the floral perfume she must have applied before going out and it should have driven her crazy but it doesn’t. She feels Niylah reach out to grasp Clarke’s hips and she pulls their bodies together. She resists the urge to pull apart and lets the girl’s hands roam under her shirt to cup her breasts.

“Well happy birthday to you, Clarke. I hope you like your present.”

Clarke sees her come forward and time slows to a crawl. She begins to lean forward to meet her but at the very last second a crystal clear of image of Lexa surfaces amid her incoherent thoughts. Sunlight is pouring through window to bathe her in a warm evening glow. Her hair is loose down the side of her face. Clarke feels her heart bursting with want and she realizes what a huge mistake she’s about to make.

She turns her head and leans away from Niylah. The girl opens her eyes and tilts her head to the side.

“What’s wrong Clarke?”

“Nothing. I just can’t. I’m so sorry but I can’t do this with you right now.” She leans over and hands the other girl her shirt as she slides past her to go out the door.

 

The sky is bright with twinkling stars as she exits the front of the house. Between the bathroom and the front door, Clarke finds she’s sobered up enough to walk herself home. Her blood is still boiling and she feels the incessant need to find somewhere to lay down. Her head is pounding with the picture of Lexa dancing in her head but every time she tries to fall into the memory, she’s shot back out again. She feels herself yearning to know where it’s from. She needs to know what led to Lexa looking at Clarke with such a miserable and knowing look.

Somehow she makes it home and the drums in her head have only increased with every motion. The pressure is mounting in her head and she finds herself unable to make her way up the staircase to her room. She turns to try to make it to the sitting area and her foot gets caught on the edge of the doorway. Her elbows meet the floor hard and the noise echoes through the house. She fading in and out of consciousness as strong hands slide beneath her and lift her up.

“Rough night kiddo?” Her dad says quietly as he carries her up the stairs.

“S’mthin’ like that. Need bed.”

Jake carries her into the bedroom and places her on her bed. She’s fading as her head hits the pillow and she’s gone as her father closes the door behind himself.

Clarke opens her eyes to see the nebula flashing in the distance and she’s running into it at full speed. She doesn’t slow until the fog start to recede and she standing in front of a large door. She goes through without hesitation, knowing that whatever she saw earlier will be on the other side.

The first thing she notices is the amount of candles dotting the room. They’re on nearly every surface and she guesses it may be because of a lack of electricity. She passes a sitting area and a massive fur covered bed with an ornately carved headboard. She makes her way around the bed and Lexa comes around the corner to meet her.

Clarke can feel the presence of the commander and it stops her in her tracks. She knows this is only a memory but as she waits for each character to act out their part Lexa’s eyes grow large. She looks around the room alarmingly and says, “Clarke?”

That one word is enough to bring the walls crashing down inside Clarke’s heart. The memories double her over as they storm her brain. She sees Lexa finding her and swearing fealty to Clarke as she bows in the candlelight. She watches as Lexa fights Roan and kills his mother, making him king of the ice nation. Their kiss and their love and finally her death is shown to Clarke in all its horror. As soon as she remembers her last true death, the dam breaks and Clarke can see all of their lives in her head. All their children, all they’ve shared together, first kisses, protecting each other and always being the last thing the other sees as they leave the world.

Her emotions are overwhelming as she looks at Lexa and realizes how stupid she’s been. This is Lexa, _her_ Lexa.

“Lexa,” she calls and she can see in her eyes that Lexa knows she recognizes her now. She can hear all the missing, all the yearning, she’s felt since they last saw each other. Lexa’s eyes begin to sparkle with unshed tears and Clarke can see her holding back from her even now.

Her heart is beating wildly as she looks at her mate across the room. She feels the urgency to hold the other girl in her arms and she can’t stop herself from approaching. Lexa sees Clarke step forward and she takes a step back in response.

“Don’t,” Lexa says, holding up a hand at Clarke but it doesn’t stop her. The command only seems to urge her forward faster and Lexa feels her resolve fading as Clarke gets nearer. Her gait is confident as she herds Lexa into a corner and wraps one hand around her neck and the other around her waist, pulling their bodies together which causes them both to gasp in surprise.

Their lips come together and this time it’s Lexa who is at the mercy of the other girl. Clarke feels herself falling apart as Lexa reaches up to tangle her hands in Clarke’s thick hair, holding them both closer together. She runs her tongue across Lexa’s lower lip softly she hears the other girl moan in response. She tastes relief and sadness as Lexa’s tears run slowly down her face. Clarke realizes it and presses them together harder in an effort to remind Lexa that she’s not alone anymore. Clarke nips at her lip and she feels Lexa react instantly as her mouth opens easily at Clarke’s request. As her tongue explores Lexa mouth, Clarke’s hands drop down to grasp Lexa’s thighs to wrap her around her hips.

Almost as if they had a mind of their own, Lexa’s legs wrap around Clarke and she presses herself against Clarke’s stomach. They both gasp at the feeling and they continue to kiss desperately as Clarke swings Lexa around. She begins to carry her to the bed. Lexa senses it and almost can’t bring herself to separate from Clarke. She feels like her soul will come undone if she can’t feel Clarke’s lips on her skin again, over her stomach and hips, and further down between her-

“No, Clarke stop!”

The blond stops instantly and Lexa squirms to be put down. Clarke lowers her slowly, hesitantly but never releases her hold on the other woman’s hips. Lexa finds herself trapped between Clarke and the bed and she struggles to get around her to put some distance between them. Clarke doesn’t allow it and she holds Lexa firmly between her arms.

“Hey, Lexa, what’s the matter?” She leans toward the other girl and plants a soft kiss on the spot where her fist met Lexa’s skin. She feels her mate shaking under her lips and she resists the urge to kiss her down to her collarbone.

“Clarke, please don’t. You need to leave. We can’t do this.”

Clarke feels her heart falling in her chest and she takes a step back as she realizes Lexa is serious. The tears have stopped falling but Clarke can see more waiting to fall behind them. She finds herself wiping the tracks away but she keeps her distance, allowing the other woman time to collect herself.

“What do you mean we can’t do this? We’re soulmates Lexa. I remember everything now. I don’t know how we’ve gone with long without each other for this long. I’m so sorry for not remembering us-”

“Clarke, we can’t!” Lexa does her best to give Clarke her the steely look of the commander but Clarke sees the farce for what it is. Her hands are shaking at her sides and her eyes are pleading with Clarke to comply, to leave and not look back but Clarke refuses.

“We can, Lexa,” Clarke says as she tries to gather the girl’s fists into her own hands to smooth them. Lexa pulls them away and storms to the other side of the room.

“You still don’t understand Clarke!”

A gun goes off in the distance and Lexa takes off out the door. She runs down the hall and Clarke realizes where she’s headed at the same time she bursts into a room and freezes.

 _“Lexa NO!”_ Clarke says as she reaches to grab her mate before she falls to the ground. Her hands pass through her and Another Clarke stops her from crashing into the ground. She looks up and sees the real Lexa standing next to the bed, looking at the scene being played out before them. Clarke stands and watches from a distance as the Lexa on the bed fades from this world.

Lexa turns abruptly and is now standing in her Tree Crew armor facing Clarke. She looks at her own clothes and hers are changed as well, back into the old dark jacket and pants combo. Lexa approaches and grabs Clarke by the hand as she drags her into a dense fog. The fog fades and they’re now in a dark alleyway.

Lexa roughly releases Clarke’s hand as she begins to walk into the darkness ahead.

“We’ll give you all of our money just calm down.”

They come around the side of a large dumpster to see Other Clarke and Lexa trapped against a wall by a stranger. He’s tall but thin and he’s holding a large knife at the two women. They empty their pockets and the thief scrambles to pick up all the things they’ve dropped. Suddenly, a siren screams out loudly in the night and the man panics. He turns to run but thinks twice as he reaches out and yanks Clarke against his body, holding the knife to her throat.

He’s screaming at Lexa, “Did you call the cops? Did you call the fucking cops?”

“No! No we didn’t please don’t hurt her. We gave you our money now just let her go. We won’t go to the cops. Please just relax and let her go.” Lexa is still backed up against the wall and a dawning look of understanding washes over Other Clarke’s face.

She and Lexa make eye contact and she whispers, “Don’t be afraid,” as the man pulls away and slides the knife through her kidney.

“NO!” Lexa screams as she runs to catch Clarke where she falls.

Clarke feels a hand wrapping around her wrist as Lexa pulls her from the scene to a new life. Clarke and Lexa are sitting on a blanket under a tree. A man rides over a hill in the distance on a horse. He comes up in front of them and Lexa has nowhere to go as he pulls a pistol from his holster and shoots her from atop his horse. He rides away.

Lexa continues to drag Clarke through scene after scene and forces her to watch them die one hundred times over. Clarke finally manages to stop Lexa in the middle of a forest as she yanks her hand away from the other girl’s grip.

“Why are you doing this Lexa?” she cries as she wipes fresh tears from her eyes.

Lexa’s voice is hard as she turns to face Clarke.

“I’m doing this so you will understand why we can’t be together. I’ve watched these memories since I was fourteen years old. Can you imagine what it’s like to know the woman you’re meant for will either die or have to watch you die when you’re both very young? I’ve spent my whole adult life trying to prepare myself for losing you again and I finally realized I don’t have to. If we chose to be apart, you can live a full and happy life! You can die old and in your bed, surrounded by all of your loved ones.” The charcoal mask at some point has returned to her features making Clarke’s heart ache pitifully at the reminder of the difference between Lexa and The Commander.

Clarke feels herself cowering beneath that gaze and instantly feels the white fury filling her body. She stands tall and meets Lexa’s glare with her own as she says, “We don’t have a choice. You are my destiny. You and I were forged as each other’s equal. You are the other half of my soul. And you cannot scare me away.”

“We do have a choice Clarke! We can choose to live.”

“We won’t be living if we have to spend our lives apart!”

Clarke chokes back a sob as the tears run down her cheeks. Lexa isn’t dry-eyed either as the tracks wear through the charcoal surrounding her eyes. Clarke grabs her roughly by the neck and pulls her into a sharp kiss. Lexa returns the motion, moving her lips with Clarke’s roughly. Their tears mix together and Lexa tastes the fury and hurt she’s causing drip into her mouth and onto her tongue. She pulls away from Clarke then and pushes herself away.

“I got married Clarke.”

All sounds in the foggy void cease. Time slows to a crawl and a beat of silence between them turns to two and then three. Clarke feels her heart twist in agony at those words and her arm burns in response. She feels fire in her veins once more but she never lets out a sound.

“Clarke, your arm-”

“Who is it?”

Lexa looks from Clarke’s arm to her own before answering.

“Costia. Costia DeForrest. I took her name after the wedding. My full name is Alexandria Woods DeForrest”

Clarke feels her knees shake. She won’t let herself fall. She refuses to let it happen. Instead she breathes the scent of Lexa’s forest in sharply as she stands up tall. She faces Lexa head on and she approaches with a confident step that she doesn’t actually feel in her heart. Lexa stands her ground and when Clarke leans forward into her lips, she does her best not to kiss her back. But the hand along her jaw proves to be too much and she melts into those perfect lips like they were made for her.

“They were made for you,” Clarke says as she pulls away softly, “You may not have chosen me, Alexandria Woods, but I choose you.”

 _So shall you be marked until the end of your days in this life,_ a voice thunders from above them.

Clarke takes her finger and brushes it across the unfinished mark on Lexa’s forearm as she turns and makes her way into the mist. She hears Lexa cry out in surprise but she knows it’s not painful. The relief is stronger than the pain of being unmarked.

The woods begin to fade and she’s alone in the white mist. She walks until her shaking limbs cause her to stop completely. Clarke’s knees finally give out from underneath her and she starts to fall. Her stomach rises into her throat as she drifts further and further down into the dark. The stars come out around her as she falls fully into her body with a hard jolt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks again for the read! I can't tell you how much I appreciate all the support!


	5. And God called the firmament Heaven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa meet again. Lexa sees Costia. Friends are there. I'm terrible at summaries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my god I'm so sorry this took so long like seriously I have been crazy crazy busy. Also this chapter was really hard for me to write for some reason, which obviously reflected in my writing. sorry again and I hope you enjoy it!

**_Polis Training Area_ **

****

When Lexa wakes up, she knows her mark has finally been completed. The familiar ache doesn’t greet her as she takes her arm from underneath her pillow and she can’t help but smile at the relief she feels. Waking up with pain has been her life for the past two years.

_Almost three now. I’ll be home for my birthday this year. Costia will be happy…_

A cold punch hits her directly in the gut at the thought of her wife. Lexa never planned to be with Clarke after Costia. She never even expected her to come down from the Ark and, even if she had, Lexa never thought she would actually meet her. She should have known they would find each other at some point. They always have.

Once Lexa realized Clarke would be in more danger if they were together, she allowed herself to open up to Costia’s advances. She had been working at the council building as a clerk while she was still a student at the local university and Lexa got to see her often because her position as commander required her to attend council meetings regularly. The guilty feeling that had filled her stomach when she first agreed to take her to dinner is haunting her now as she lays in her bed thinking of Costia’s bright smile.

She sits up in her cot and finds many of the other soldiers around her still sleeping soundly. She stands and gathers her supplies as she heads to the showers. The air outside the barracks is cool against the skin of Lexa’s arms and legs. Early morning light is creeping up on the horizon, only a blue grey in the distance. The stars are still shining faintly in the night sky and she stops to study them by the ashes of last night’s fire.

_“You may not have chosen me, Alexandria Woods, but I choose you.”_

The tattoo tickles faintly where the breeze wafts over it. Lexa turns from the stars to trace the bright black font. The name and the surrounding skin are now clear and healed. No one would have ever thought the day before it was scabbed and bruised like a fresh wound. Underneath the name, her narrow tear drop has mirrored itself and turned into a small infinity symbol, much like the one she painted on her breastplate.

The events of the night before run through her head as she turns to make her way to the showers. She fell asleep quickly after a hard day of training and woke up in the in-between. She made her way through the forest quickly, almost magnetically, and found herself in the back of her old room. Her familiarity of the memory relaxed her slightly and she tried to figure out why she was drawn here with such urgency. She turned around the corner to come face to face with Clarke.

For a second, Lexa thought she was only a part of her memories. She waited for words to come unbidden out of her mouth as they usually do only to find the silence between them stretching. Almost as if on cue, her senses are awakened and she feels the warmth of the body across from her. She is real, really here, and her breathe is coming out in hard puffs as if she’d been running. Lexa wonders briefly if this isn’t actually a memory and she looks past Clarke at their surroundings. Everything in the room, the bed, the candles, the walls, even the flames, are fuzzy and distant compared to the woman across from her.

_How the hell did she get here?_

Lexa has never before felt her in-between invaded, not since she first came here when she was fourteen years old. The lack of heat and cloudiness of the memories were always something that made her return to reality. A reminder that as much as she wanted the memories to be real they were just as they seemed, faint and distant scenes played out in her head. Seeing Clarke here, alive and breathing roughly as she looks Lexa up and down, makes her want to stay in this room forever. The thought scares her to death.

“Clarke?”

The girl’s eyes go wide at the sound of her name. She makes a faint noise as she doubles over and grabs the sides of her head. Lexa almost goes to her side to comfort her but the shiny wetness in her eyes and the bright smile growing on her face freezes Lexa where she stands. Clarke finally looks up and Lexa sees her mate for the first time in this life.

Clarke’s eyes are full of wonder and deep intense love as she looks at Lexa’s form across the room. She knows Clarke is seeing her for all she has ever been: the mother of her children, her eternal defender, her lover, and her most trusted friend. Clarke’s eyes seem to be pleading with Lexa to give in and let their souls become one again in this life and Lexa aches to comply. She can feel her heart and her soul reaching out and begging to close the distance between them. It takes all that Lexa has to not move. She doesn’t release a sound nor does she allow herself to move even one muscle because the thought of giving in to Clarke is completely filling her mind to the brim.

“Lexa?” Clarke is calling to her pleadingly from what feels like miles away. The sound of her voice, so calming and so painfully loving, sends Lexa over the edge and emotion fills her eyes. She feels her heart shattering at the fact that she will have to reject her own soulmate. Lexa sees Clarke register her tears and watches as she takes a step forward. The reaction to move toward the other girl is overwhelming and she can barely force herself to take a step away, keeping the distance between them.

“Don’t,” she says sharply. It sounds like she’s telling her to stay but in her heart she’s begging Clarke not to make her choose.

Lexa feels excitement rise in her chest when Clarke doesn’t listen to her command. She walks toward Lexa with her head high and Lexa allows herself to be corralled. She hits the cement wall half a second before she feels Clarke’s hand around her hip and they’re pulled together tightly. Lexa can feel the heat of Clarke’s body and finds herself reacting instantly. She feels Clarke in all the right places and they fold into each other easily as Clarke brings their lips together. Their mouths move in unison and Lexa finds herself running her hands through Clarke’s hair roughly. Clarke’s tongue is soft but insistent as she grazes Lexa’s lip. She feels herself moan softly as she allows Clarke in.

Lexa’s tears flow silently down her face as Clarke continues to move against her. She knows she shouldn’t be letting Clarke do this. They can’t live in this life together but being here with Clarke now, feeling her hands holding Lexa tightly against her body and tasting her rough kisses reminds her how in love with this woman she is. Clarke responds to her tears and squeezes her gently before lowering her hands and lifting her off the ground. Lexa feels her legs automatically wrap around Clarke’s hips and the pressure against her center makes her gasp against Clarke’s lips. They don’t stay apart for long and Lexa knows soon she won’t care about anything but feeling Clarke on her skin.

As Clarke begins to turn to the bed, Lexa realizes now is her last opportunity to stop everything before it’s too late. She knows if she gives herself over now, she’ll never be able to go through with living away from Clarke.

_“No, Clarke stop!”_

“Commander DeForrest!”

A gruff voice startles her out of her thoughts and she jumps around to see Gustus standing at the door of the communications tent across the fire pit. One hand is holding the door open behind him and the other is extended out to her, holding a small folded piece of paper.

“A message from the council,” He says as he quietly lets the door fall closed behind him. Lexa sighs and throws her towel over her shoulder. The heat from her face is stifling and she's thankful for the cool of the predawn air. Her hand is still on the door to the showers and she says, “Could you hold on to it? I’ll come read it in a while.”

“It’s urgent.”

She releases her hold on the door reluctantly. She knew she’d be called in sooner or later because of the incident with Clarke. The council never wastes time in doling out her punishment. She was hoping she could put off acknowledging their summons for as long as possible but it doesn’t seem as if Gustus will allow it today.

She approaches him with her head high and can’t help smiling at the amused twinkle in his eye. He passes the note off and shakes his head while he chuckles.

“Never could say no to a pretty face, could you?”

Gustus has been her most trusted advisor and mentor ever since her rise to power when she turned sixteen. Her youthful pride and inexperience could have ended her early career as commander many a time if not for Gustus’ cautious guidance. At the same time, he allowed her to make mistakes. There were countless times he chose to stand back and follow her to whatever end that helped to shape her into the intelligent and capable leader she is today. His teachings have earned her respect and loyalty in this life as much as the last. So she doesn’t suppress the laugh that bubbles up her throat at the comment.

“No, for some reason I can’t ever say no to a request from a beautiful woman. My one weakness.”

He looks at the ground as he guffaws and freezes when his eyes see Lexa’s arm hanging at her side. The extended ink that follows the C across the top of her forearm is not bright in the early morning sunlight. She feels unexpected shyness at the way Gustus is staring and she slowly turns her arm where the ink faces away from the man opposite of her. He looks up with a puzzled look covering his face and he stands tall as he waits for Lexa to explain. She can’t help but think that this must be how teenagers feel when they get caught by their parents after coming home drunk from a night out.

“I see you’ve noticed my mark has been completed. Yes, I realize it is not actually my wife’s name,” Lexa says as she strokes the letter behind her back. The rightness of the name across her skin fills her with the soft warmth of belonging and she realizes she wishes Clarke were here.

“Do you know who it is?”

“Yes.”

Lexa can feel the concern radiating through Gustus as he starts to pace in front of the tent. She distractedly wonders why she doesn’t feel the same intense worry coursing through her body and she realizes it’s because of the mark. Lexa now senses the warmth of the ink under her arm. As she experimentally runs a finger across the name, a dreamy feeling starts to radiate in the back of her skull. A deep sense of belonging to Clarke in such an intimate way is filling her thoughts and she starts feel herself daydreaming of leaving Polis to find Clarke and taking her into her arms-

“What are you going to tell Costia?”

“I’m not,” Lexa says quickly.

She doesn’t want to go through with her plan now. Not after what happened between her and Clarke last night. She wants to tell her wife everything and let whatever comes next happen. But she knows it’s only her mark making her feel that way. She has a duty to her wife and she could never break her vows or Costia’s heart like that. The love she feels for her wife pounds in her head, demanding to be recognized by Lexa’s now mated heart.

She also realizes that not only is she unable to break her vows to Costia, but she is also never going to be able to put Clarke at risk of being hurt or even losing her life again. Lexa can’t bear the thought of watching her die one more time.

_I don’t think my soul could survive it._

“Well, that’s dumb,” a voice says as he walks up behind the group. Aden approaches and grabs her arm roughly to bring the name around to face him. Lexa feels herself wanting to yank the arm out of his grip, shielding the mark from his smug gaze. But she lets him hold it and he releases it gently as he pulls an apple from the pocket of his backpack.

Lexa notices Aden is completely dressed in his green mottled armor and carrying his helmet in one hand and his bow in the other. She turns to face him fully as she asks in a commanding tone, “Where are you going?”

“Hunting,” he says abruptly as he turns to make his way out of camp.

“Aden, wait,” Lexa says but he holds up a hand behind him and he turns to give her a tight frown.

“Like I said at Mount Weather, you’re making a huge mistake. I’m telling this to my sister Lexa Woods, not Commander Alexandria DeForrest. You need to soldier up and make the right decision,” his voice softens lightly as he looks from her to Gustus as he continues, “Everyone dies Lex. We’re all afraid of it but eventually we have to accept that someday it will come for all of us. I want you to be happy and you can’t just let this life slip through your fingers. Be brave, big sister.”

Lincoln has now come around the corner with a group of sleepy eyed recruits tight on his heels. Lexa imagines him as a mother duck leading a waddling herd of baby ducklings. He looks between Aden and Leda, ignoring the tension as he approaches his seconds’ side.

“We’re going to be gone for a few days, Commander. We’re taking the new recruits a few miles outside of the training area, toward the south end of the mountain range. We’re stressing environmental conservation and trying to teach them not to overhunt an area. Ready to head out, Woods?”

“Yeah,” Aden says without looking away from Lexa, “I’ll meet you at the lookout.”

Lincoln nods his head and motions for the new scouts to follow him out of camp. Aden breaks the silence with a sigh and he looks away from his sister angrily.

“We’ll talk more when I get back,” he says quietly, “But seriously, take care of this. Take care of yourself. Gus, don’t let her do anything stupid.”

Lexa lets him turn and leave her standing with Gustus, who is looking even more confused than he was before Aden showed up.

“The hell is he talking about? Does he know this Clarke too? Am I the only one who doesn’t know Clarke? I thought you liked women.”

Lexa ignores him as she opens the note still clutched lightly in her hand. It’s only a few lines written in Gustus’ quick scribbles but Lexa deciphers it easily enough and she lets out a groan.

“Fuck,” she says as she wrinkles the paper up and throws it in the ashes of the fire pit behind her. She turns and stomps back to the bathroom door. She grabs the handle and throws an order at Gustus over her shoulder before slamming the door behind her with enough force to nearly break it off the hinges.

“Wait thirty minutes before sounding the wake-up call.”

Gustus waits forty-five.

 

**_Griffin Residence_ **

****

Clarke woke to find her body battered and sore and could contribute none of it to the insane amount of alcohol she’d consumed at the party the night before. Her arm was on fire as she slowly pulled it out from under the blankets covering her. The single L stared up at her mockingly, the redness surrounding the black ink pulsing with infection. The heat in her veins was nearly unbearable but the pain in her skull and chest took precedence as she lifted her head from the pillow.

She nearly had to crawl to the bathroom. She started the water and dunked her arm into the cool flow before it heated up completely. As she removed the clothes from the night before and stepped into the shower, she realized she hadn’t even noticed what time it was before she left her bedroom. The grey morning light was coming in through the window in her bedroom when she opened her eyes and she hadn’t heard any movement in the house so it must still be quite early.

She emerged from the shower soggy and a little less sore than when she got in. On her trip back to her room, she felt her stomach cringe angrily and she rushed downstairs in her towel to find food. Her arm ached as she raised it to open cabinet doors and she eventually had to switch to the other to continue.

_How long did Lexa live with this? One year? Two? I don’t think I can last a month._

Clarke thought sadly about how she didn’t even know how old Lexa was in this life or even when her birthday was. She settled for an apple she found on the table and made her way back to the room upstairs.

Clarke’s mind wanders back to the night before and wonders when she realized Lexa was unmarked just like she was. It might have been once Clarke realized Lexa was trying to convince her to stay away. She isn’t sure exactly when but at some point during the night she actually felt the distance Lexa was trying to maintain, and not just physically. It was like an immense chasm had separated the two and Clarke desperately realized what she would have to do to close it. She felt the energy being drained from her body before she said the words.

_“You may not have chosen me, Alexandria Woods, but I choose you.”_

Choosing Lexa had been easy for Clarke. The difficult part now was feeling Lexa’s indecision and the turmoil it caused in the machines flowing through her blood. Clarke now understood that the Lexa was the reason her mark couldn’t be filled in completely. Somehow Lexa’s mental aversion to watching Clarke’s death and her bullheaded stubbornness is convincing her nanos to reject Clarke as a potential soul mate. Which, Clarke is starting to realize, fucking sucks.

Now, dressed and slightly more awake, she finds herself sitting in front of her easel, fresh paints on a board in front of her window. Days and weeks and times flash through her memory as she searches for something, anything, that will ease the pain she feels radiating from her heart. She lands on a memory, the perfect memory to distract her from everything. She paints for hours before she hears her father go downstairs. The slamming of cabinet doors and the shuffling of feet is interspersed with curses and soft screams of “Abby!” up the stairs.

She stands and smiles at the rough outlines of the image. It’s nowhere close to being done but it’s enough to bring tears to her eyes as she looks over it. She puts a hand over her mouth to hold in the soft sob that tries to escape and her body begins to shudder roughly. Her knees hit the mattress and she lowers herself onto the bed. Clarke tries to stop the moisture from coming out of her eyes so she wipes desperately at the tears. Another sob begins to make its way up her throat and she bites her lip in an effort to keep the hurt inside.

_“We do have a choice Clarke! We can choose to live.”_

_This is not living. This is not living!_

She misses Lexa with every fiber of her being. Clarke feels like she needs to call out to her and a part of her is, even though she knows Lexa could never hear it across the distance between them. Her soul feels stretched and worn thin from the battering it received last night. Bringing up the memories of what happened with Lexa only renews the pain she feels. Her shoulders ache from the weight of her sadness.

She suddenly thinks of the dream she had in the hospital, the red cloak falling and landing softly in her arms, and she realizes this is that same sadness. The pain of loss and longing are filling her, cooling her stony heart and chilling her blood. The only warmth she retains is in her arm, where the sickly heat of it makes her skin wet with a thin sheen of sweat. The single letter has become even more sensitive today and even holding it against her body sends pain shooting to her fingertips.

Clarke allows to tears to fall for only a moment longer before taking a deep steadying breath and wiping her face on bottom of her shirt. Her eyes are raw and swollen but she makes her way to the kitchen anyway. Once she enters the room, she sees her dad standing in front of a little black machine, studying a small instruction manual.

“Good morning kiddo. Did you sleep ok?”

Clarke smiles as she takes a seat at the bar and makes an affirmative grunting noise. He puts the manual down to retrieve a cup and he fills it with water from the sink before bringing it back to set in front of her.

“Are you alright? You look a little worse than hungover.”

Clarke picks the glass up and grimaces at the pain of lifting the full cup with her hurt arm. She switches sides and takes a drink easily while Jake watches from where he leans across the bar.

“I’m fine,” she says when she sets the glass down, “I just drank a little too much, that’s all.”

He nods and makes his way around the bar to stand at her side. He holds his hand out and says, “Let me see that arm, champ.”

She turns it over and places it gently in his outstretched hands. He takes a finger and presses lightly on the sensitive skin close to her wrist and pulls away when Clarke hisses irritably. She tugs her arm out of his grasp and he moves around and plops onto the chair next to her.

“So when did that happen?”

“Dad,” Clarke starts out but stops herself when she notices the no nonsense look on her father’s face, “It happened last night.”

“Have you showed your mother?”

“Nope.”

“Well when she gets down here, I suggest you show her,” Jake says and takes a swig out of her glass of water before continuing, “I’m not a doctor but I know some bad shit when I see it. I don’t like that one bit. Plus, you’ll be in more trouble with her if you don’t and it ends up getting worse.”

Clarke thinks quietly to herself before nodding her head in agreement. Jake is one thing when he’s upset. Abby is a whole new can of worms. Almost as if on cue, her mother comes rushing down the stairs and into the kitchen to smile brightly at the two sitting in the early morning sunlight.

“Good morning!” Abby says cheerfully and she plucks a loaf of bread from a cabinet and places it in front of herself.

“Ugh!” Clarke and Jake moan as they see the food they’ve been so desperately searching for all morning.

“Oh, it sounds like you guys might be starving. Want me to make you some toast?”

"Yes!” Clarke screams, “Please!”

Jake stands and makes his way back around the bar. He plants a kiss on Abby’s head and takes the bread from her hands gently.

“I’ll do it,” he says, “Clarke has something to show you.”

Abby turns slowly and Clarke can already see her doctor look coming out. She gently places her arm on the bar facing the light. Abby doesn’t touch the angry red skin surrounding the ink but her quick intake of breathe is all Clarke needs to hear to know how bad it looks. She exchanges a look with Clarke and sighs as she stands up straight.

"That’s pretty infected, Clarke.”

“It’s not,” Clarke says as she take her arm off the counter. Now it’s Jakes turn to give Clarke a look as he places a small plate with toast on it in front of her. She takes a big bite of the bread before continuing.

“It’s just the nanos. I swear. It will fade in a few days. Lexa told me-”

“Lexa?”

Abby Griffin’s eyebrows are raised at Clarke incredulously and she barely stifles a groan before continuing.

“Commander DeForrest. She had the same thing happen to her. She told me it gets better.”

“Ah,” was all Abby could muster. Before Clarke could change the subject, a knock sounds at the door and Clarke excuses herself to answer it.

“Hey sexy!” Raven says cheerily as Clarke pulls the door open. Wells is standing behind her with a smile plastered on his face while he rests his arm on her shoulder.

Clarke grins back and moves to the side so they can come in. Wells moves past her and she hears him greet her parents in the kitchen. Raven stays on the front step and she points over her shoulder at the car parked in the driveway. Two feet with a blanket over them are hanging out the back window and Octavia is in the passenger seat with her head against the glass, large black sunglasses covering most of her face.

“You’re looking much better than Blake squared right now.”

“Float you, Reyes,” someone moans from in the car and Clarke looks to see two matching middle fingers aimed directly at Raven’s back, one appearing from the back seat and the other holding Octavia’s glasses on her face. Raven ignores them both and then skips into the house as Clarke bursts out laughing.

“Mom!” Raven calls into the house and makes her way to the kitchen after Abby calls back “Daughter!”

Clarke goes to follow but Raven pokes her head back out of the kitchen before she can enter.

“Are you ready to leave yet?”

“Leave? Where are we going?”

Raven rolls her eyes softly and Wells hollers “Orientation!” from the kitchen.

“Yeah, BFF is correct. Now hurry up and get dressed while I flirt with your mom.”

Her head disappears back into the room before Clarke can say anything so she heads back to the stairs to get ready for the day. Picking out comfortable clothes for the day was a lot harder than she thought it would be. After trying unsuccessfully to pull a jacket over her burning arm, she decides to wrap the tender skin in gauze. Her wrapping is terrible but she manages to slip the slick material of her jacket over it with much less pain. When she emerges a few minutes later and returns to the kitchen, Raven has eaten her toast and is just finishing a plate of fresh eggs.

“Mom, what the heck? Did you make me any?”

Raven grins and wipes her mouth with a napkin as she stands. She makes her way around the bar and gives Abby a warm hug before turning back to Clarke and grabbing her by the wrist to drag her out of the room.

“No time for that now Princess. Thanks for breakfast mom! You’re the best!”

Wells stands from the table where he was sitting with Clarke’s father and shakes his hand and then runs to Abby to hug her before chasing after the two girls leaving the house.

Clarke angrily follows her friend out to the car where the Blakes have fallen asleep in the early morning sun. While Raven is unceremoniously waking Bellamy up so Clarke can get into the back seat, Wells stands next to her and accidentally brushes against her left arm. She hisses from the pain and pulls away from him quickly. Wells looks alarmed at the sudden noise and automatically reaches for her shoulder to comfort her. Clarke looks into the sky to keep the tears from rolling down her face and Wells stands in front of her to look into her eyes.

“I’m ok Wells.”

“Are you sure? What did I do?”

Clarke feels her face turning red from the embarrassment of almost crying out from the pain so she smiles softly at Wells before patting his shoulder with her right hand.

“You didn’t do anything. It’s just my burn. I’m still recovering from what happened a few days ago. I’ll be better in no time. Promise.”

He nods at her solemnly. She sees the concern in his eyes but he knows better than to push it with Clarke.

Out of the corner of her eye, she watches as a sleek black car pulls in front of the Griffin’s house and two men in suits emerge from the front seats. Clarke tenses as they approach and one stops in the middle of the yard while the other steps up in front of the group with a hand outstretched. Tucked between his fingers is a small envelope.

“Clarke Griffin?” the man says formally. Sensing her tension, Wells subtly steps up to stand between the man and Clarke. Raven turns to stare at the stranger with Bellamy’s feet pushing into the back of her legs. The silence only lasts a moment because they all pause to listen as the front passenger window begins to whir. A thin arm shoots out next to Clarke, palm open.

“S’me. The fuck are you?”

“Oh my god, Octavia,” Clarke says as she shoves her friend’s hand back in the window, “Don’t worry about her. Sorry, I’m Clarke Griffin.”

Clarke steps around Wells and clumsily reaches out to take the letter from the man. Any movement seems to chafe the redness and sends sharp pricks of pain up to her shoulder so the action is stiff on her part as she pulls the paper from his fingers.

The letter is small in Clarke’s hand. She turns it over and sees a large T embossed on the left corner of the envelope. Inside is a quick scribble on a small piece of note paper. She feels Wells leaning over her shoulder to read the note along with her.

_“The council requests your presence in the meeting chamber at 10:00 AM. If transportation is required, you may call the number listed below. Respectfully, Councilman Titus.”_

Clarke refolds the note and places it back in the envelope slowly. Raven reaches across the distance and Clarke hands it off to her. The man standing closest to the group shifts uncomfortably but he doesn’t say anything as Raven takes the note out and reads over it. She snorts as she hands it back to Clarke and looks between the two agents.

“I’m guessing that’s not actually a request,” Raven says aloud and the one closest to the car answers her.

“As long as you’re cooperative, it’s a request. Ms. Griffin, will you be needing transportation today? We will be more than happy to drive you to the council headquarters.”

“Fuck that,” Bellamy says as he sits up suddenly in the back seat of the car. Raven quickly turns around and shoves his feet back into the seat and slams the door shut behind her.

“What he means,” Clarke says as she faces the men in the yard, “is that my friends can take me to the council headquarters just as well as you can. I’ll be there at ten.”

At that, the two men slowly make their way back to the vehicle at the curb. As they drive away, Bellamy screams from the back seat, “Creepy fucks!”

“Yes, thank you Bellamy, that’s enough,” Clarke says as she opens the door to slides into the seat next to him. Raven moves to the other side and Bellamy’s head falls onto her shoulder softly. He’s asleep again before Wells starts the car.

Octavia sits up and adjusts the glasses on her face before turning to face Clarke behind her.

“So, are we skipping class?”

 

**_Somewhere in the suburbs_ **

****

The light outside the front door is still on so Lexa knows Costia must still be asleep. She hates how she feels so relieved. A sick feeling of dread has been creeping into her stomach since she realized she would have to go back to her house to get her council identification card and seeing that light off sent a shiver of cool down her spin. Lexa finds herself thinking of ways she could get into the house and back out without waking her wife up. Her relief is short lived as the light goes out and the front door starts to open.

Costia is still dressed in the clothes she slept in as she peeks out the door at Lexa. Her coffee is steaming in her hand and her pale legs are peeking out from beneath a large tattered shirt. The thin font decorating the soft skin of her ankle shines against Costia’s pale skin. Her anguish at seeing the name, _Alex,_ decorating the woman’s body hits her fully in the chest.

_How could I have done this to her? How did I think this was right?_

A cat peeks from between Costia’s ankles out at Lexa. It’s white and furry and huge, a new animal that she has somehow wrangled into the house. A fervent advocate for pet adoption, Lexa’s wife always manages to find an animal in need when she’s on leave.

She sees Costia wave softly through her Jeep window and Lexa realizes she cannot lie to her about Clarke. Her mark burns with satisfaction but Lexa only feels the chill in her stomach rise. As much as she wants to keep Costia happy, Lexa accepts how selfish it is to keep her in the dark. She loves Costia too much to keep lying to her, knowing they’re not meant for each other.

She waves back and feels herself getting out of the car swiftly. Her t-shirt is thin against the early morning chill but she hardly notices it. As she makes her way to the door, Lexa feels nauseous approaching the woman in the door. Her arm is wrapped in a bandage and Costia notices it before Lexa has made it to the house.

“Hey, what are you doing back so early?” Costia says, her long black hair falling across her shoulders. She’s beautiful and Lexa aches when Costia stands on her toes to wrap her arms around her shoulders and plant a soft kiss on her lips. Out of habit, Lexa kisses back and her hands twitch as she fights the urge to wrap them around Costia’s waist. The feeling in her gut forces her to part from the smaller woman quickly and Costia doesn’t seem to notice Lexa’s uncomfortable stance as she reaches for her forearm. Her fingers are soft against the material covering her mark and Lexa feels herself pulling her arm behind her back.

“Acting up again?”

She only nods and notices the cat batting at a string hanging from her binding. They’re still standing in the doorway and Costia moves aside so Lexa can make her way into the foyer. The walls are white and filled with frame after frame of their smiling faces. Pictures of trips and dates and everything they done to build a life together stare her in the face accusingly as she walks through the living room to the kitchen.

She feels Costia following her slowly. The cat is still following closely, attacking the string when she comes to a stop by the table. Her eyes roam through the room and she breathes the scent of fresh coffee in deeply. She motions for Costia to have a seat and she does so cheerily, petting the cat as he jumps onto the table.

“So, who is this?” Lexa hears herself say. She knows she’s stalling. For once in her life, Lexa can’t seem to figure out where to start with this. Costia answers but Lexa doesn’t hear what she says. She’s thinking about why she did this in the first place. It was a bad idea, such a terrible, stupid idea and she resents the fact that Aden and Anya were right about her marriage from the start.

She’s startled out of her reverie by Costia running a finger down her binding.

“Hey,” she says softly, “What’s wrong? You’re not really here with me today. Did something happen?”

Lexa doesn’t know what to say so she turns from the table. Unbeknownst to her, the cat has latched onto the string hanging from her arm and jumped down from the table. The string wraps around the clip holding the material together and is swiftly pulled off from Lexa and the cat moving away from each other. Before she knows it, the cat and all the material are on the floor. Her arm is bare in the lights of the kitchen and Lexa smacks her hand over the name quickly. She thinks for a second that she’s safe but Costia lets out an excited yelp as she jumps up to approach Lexa.

“Alex! Your mark! It’s been filled in.”

Her heart thumps painfully as Costia reaches to uncover her hand. She shies away from the touch, backing out of her reach and further into the kitchen.

“Costia, wait-”

“How long has it been filled in? When did you first notice it?”

“Cos, stop!”

Her outburst seems to echo through the room and her wife is frozen in front of her. She sees Costia stand up taller and swallow the hurt before it can make its way to the surface. Her hands retreat and a knowing look crosses her eyes. Lexa watches her back up and lean against the table.

“Alex-”

“No. Just listen, Cos,” Lexa says. Her voice is husky and she hears it shake uncertainly as she continues, “I am so sorry. I never meant for this to happen.”

She peels her hand from her arm, revealing the name slowly to the woman leaning on the table. Costia’s hand goes to her mouth and she barely stifles a gasp.

“It must be a mistake,” she says around her hand, staring at the name like it could reach out and bite her.

“It’s not a mistake.”

“But I have your name. We’re soulmates, Alex. We’re married.”

“It’s not a mistake,” Lexa says again slowly. She sees the frustration rising in the eyes across from her and braces her heart for the explosion.

“How can you say that?” Costia says quietly. The brown in her eyes turns to a caramel as two big tears slide down her face. Lexa steps forward to wipe them away and Costia jumps away quickly, wiping her eyes as she says, “Please don’t, Alex. Give me a minute. I just need you to not touch me for a minute.”

Lexa stays where she is as Costia stares into her arm.

“How long have you known? And don’t bullshit me right now. I need the truth.”

Lexa feels the emotionless mask falling into place. Costia is hurting and she burns with wanting to comfort her. Her finger twitch at the thought of closing the distance and taking her in her arms. She doesn’t allow any of this to translate onto her face. Because this is what’s right. This is what has to be done.

“A while,” she nearly whispers. She feels her control slipping and her eyes begin to fog.

“So this,” Costia says angrily, “all of this was a joke? It didn’t mean anything, did it?”

"This was my life!”

Costia is shaking her head, brown waves splashing over sagging shoulders. Tears are gliding down her nose and Lexa watches her fall into the chair behind her. Her breathing is hitched in her throat and Lexa can’t stand it anymore. She walks across the kitchen and wraps herself around the small shoulders. Every sob sends pangs of sadness directly into her heart and Lexa feels herself falling into the same rhythm. They cry together for too long and she feels Costia pulling away to look into her face. Her thumbs are cool as they wipe away the tear tracks on Lexa’s cheeks.

“Just tell me one thing. Did you ever even love me?”

“I loved you more than I loved anything else. You were my world, Costia.”

“Not anymore?”

“No,” Lexa says sadly, “Not anymore.”

 

**_Council Headquarters_ **

****

Lexa parks her jeep and arranges her mass of brown hair in her helmet. Her eyes are still puffy from seeing Costia so she spread a thick mask of charcoal across her face before exiting her car.

She is fully dressed in her Tree Crew uniform for the meeting, head to toe in mottled green and brown armor over a tight black body suit. The armor is clean now and it shines dully in the sunlight as she makes her way up the massive stairs to the front door of the building.

The council building is as large and imposing as the last time she was here. Lexa can’t imagine anywhere uglier. She strides through the front doors quickly and makes her way to the meeting chamber as she puts her black gloves on. Lexa passes four young people sitting in the waiting area, one seated in the floor between the legs of another, her small head resting on the other girl’s thigh. They look up as she walks past them but no one says a word.

            She pauses outside the chamber door and takes a deep breath before entering. Her annoyance at being called into the city on such short notice is as evident on her face as it is in her walk so she takes a moment to gain some composure before going before the council. She refuses to let them see just how much ordering her around can get under her skin. Lexa feels the cool mask cover her features under the helmet and she slowly pushes the door open.

Only twelve council members are seated and chatting quietly amongst themselves on the bench. They mostly ignore Lexa as she makes her way down the center aisle towards Anya, who stands from one of the seats facing the council and signals for Lexa to sit next to her.

“Commander Woods,” Anya says as she sits and pretends to organize the papers in front of her.

Lexa can barely keep her temper in check as she says, “Please don’t start with me now, Anya.”

Without pausing Anya continues with, “Don’t forget to take your helmet off.”

“I won’t,” Lexa says as she looks around the room slowly, “Where’s Titus?”

“He’ll be here. You’re in for a clusterfuck of trouble, Woods. I would be less worried about Titus and more worried about my defense, if I were you. So first of all, what the fuck were you thinking?”

_I was thinking about saving my mate._

“I was thinking about saving a citizens life.”

Anya shakes her head and muffles a groan into her fists. Lexa remains facing the council as she hears the door to the council chamber open behind her. She holds her chin high as a group approaches and pauses at the table behind them.

The chair directly behind Lexa is pulled out and someone sits behind them as Anya says, “That sounds fake but okay. We’ll start with that. Super soldier Lexa, saving girls and hugging trees.”

Titus walks past them and makes his way to his seat at the end of the bench, leaving someone seated at the table behind Lexa. Her mark tingles softly and she runs her fingers over the name subconsciously.

“If I recall correctly, you were better at hugging trees than anyone. Especially me.”

“Yeah, Lexa, then I screwed up. It only takes one big mistake to get you in my seat, trying to talk the council into giving another soldier some slack then going back to your desk and trying not to go crazy in that tiny fucking office. Now, I’m going to do my best to keep you out of trouble but I need you to take this seriously. Titus is going to try to strip you of your command today, which shouldn’t surprise you much, but it would be really bad timing for that. So we need to ensure that doesn’t happen.”

Lexa watches Anya glancing at the guest behind them while she’s talking but is interrupted when she turns to see them herself.

“If everyone is ready,” a council member says pointedly at Anya, “we can begin this inquisition.”

“Yes,” Lexa says before Anya can speak, “Yes, we’re ready to begin.”

Lexa stands and begins to remove her helmet. Anya stands with her, followed slowly by the council, as she lets the waves of brown hair and braids fall to her shoulders before gently setting the helmet down on the table with an imposing thud. The silence in the room is deafening. The person behind Lexa and Anya is the last to stand and Titus begins the speech Lexa realizes she’s heard too many times.

“Please raise your right hand and, one at a time, repeat after me; I vow to speak the truth before this council to the fullest extent of my knowledge. If I knowingly speak an untruth, I accept that I shall be punished to the maximum extent of the law.”

Anya and Lexa each repeat the vow monotonously and the council waits for the visitor to say it as well. As she hears the visitor take in a small breath, Lexa realizes exactly who is sitting behind her before she even speaks.

“I vow to speak the truth before this council to the fullest extent of my knowledge,” Clarke pauses to remember the next part and Lexa takes that moment to settle her face into its collected mask as she raises her chin slightly at Titus.

“If I knowingly speak an untruth, I accept that I shall be punished to the maximum extent of the law.”

The council begins to sit and Lexa turns before finding a seat. She meets Clarke’s gaze evenly over the table. Her blue eyes are dark and guarded but Lexa can see the longing underneath the surface. She clenches her fists to keep from reaching out to her. She lets her façade fall for a second as she sends a small reassuring smile in Clarke’s direction. It’s gone before she turns back around to sit fully in her chair. The exchange only lasted a couple seconds but as she looks at the council, she notices Titus witnessed the entire thing. She doesn’t allow her face to reveal anything.

 _Doesn’t matter anymore anyway,_ she thinks sadly.

“You stand accused of revealing classified technology to an unauthorized citizen, acting against program agent policy, and assault on a fellow officer. What do you plead?”

“Assault on a fellow officer? I’m sorry, councilman, that wasn’t in the files I received about this case,” Anya says as she irritably watches Lexa from the corner of her eye.

“Be that as it may,” Titus says smugly, “The charge still stands. What do you plead?”

Lexa stands with her head high as she answers Titus, “Guilty, guilty, and not guilty. In that order.”

“You do not admit to the assault on a fellow officer?”

“No I do not because technically he wasn’t an officer. If we are speaking of Private Finn Collins, that is. He was an acting officer at the time. Sky Crew was short on space shuttle pilots at the time and he was assigned as a pilot for the day.”

“Ah,” Councilman Roan says quickly, “We were misinformed then. Although an assault on any soldier is unnecessary and will be investigated, for now the council will release you of that charge. Until further investigations can be made into the incident at least. Councilman Titus, please continue.”

Lexa can’t help the smug sparkle in her eye as she looks from Roan to her accuser. Anya does the same as she lowers herself back into her seat.

_If he thinks I’ll just lay down and accept this, he’s got another thing coming._

“Fine,” Titus says, “on the charges of revealing classified technology to an unauthorized citizen and acting against NIGHTBLOOD agent policy, you plead guilty. Does your defense have anything to deliver for the council’s consideration?”

Anya stands again and straightens her blazer before saying, “Yes. The defense will speak.”

She waits for Titus to sit before continuing. She makes her way around the table to stand alone before the council. Lexa remains rigid in her seat, her knuckles white as the grip the arms of her chair.

“Commander _DeForrest_ ,” Anya says with disgust, “has served this council loyally and honorably for most of her life. She was brought into the program as a young girl and has excelled in every field she’s been trained in. She is, in the words of Councilman Titus, the perfect weapon. But the one thing we cannot forget is that, as wonderful of a weapon she may be, the Commander is still a human. If she suffers from any human flaw, it would be compassion. As a fellow NIGHTBLOOD agent, I can tell you the unbiased truth about why she absolutely could not let the girl seated behind her die.”

Anya pauses for emphasis and Lexa senses Clarke’s alarm. The council is just as enraptured as Anya continues.

“Commander DeForrest could not let Clarke Griffin die because that is what she has been trained to do. The program, her nanos, her upbringing, all of it, was developed in service to humanity. Correct me if I’m wrong but aren’t we are all here in this room to serve the greater good of humanity? As council members, you have the right to strip this woman of her command and her rights as an agent of the program, no one can deny that. But rather than focus on the negatives of this incident, we should all imagine the positive developments that could be created. Clarke Griffin is now the only person, other than the Commander herself, who has survived the T100 nano injections. Not only does this mean research can be furthered with this particular strain, we may also have a viable community of future donors who could become a part of our program. The people of the Ark-”

“Yes, that’s quite enough,” Titus says as he raises a hand for her to stop.

The color rises in Anya’s cheeks but she keeps quiet, making her way back to the seat next to Lexa. Neither of them say a word as Titus stands and face the others on the bench.

“All of the things Anya has said are true but she has skillfully avoided mentioning that Clarke, an innocent bystander, has now become a part of a world she never asked for. Her knowledge of the nano technology the council has helped develop poses more of a threat than we can imagine. We cannot hope to successfully force her to keep her knowledge to herself nor can we force her into the program if she does not wish to be a part of it. Not to mention, the girl has been weaponized as fully as the Commander, meaning her strength and speed are a direct mirror of DeForrest’s. If Clarke, who I understand to be a good and honest person, was ever revealed to be in possession of technology that could render her basically unstoppable, the council and all who are a part of the NIGHTBLOOD program or technology could be in grave danger.”

Clarke stands suddenly and calls out to the council members seated in front of her, “Councilman, if I may? I have something to say to the council.”

Titus looks at her uncomfortably but he nods his head and she makes her way to the level below Lexa. Clarke stands in front of her and Lexa can see the fingers of her left hand shaking slightly.

“I’m not sure why I was brought before this council since my opinion was obviously not going to be asked but I do have something to say. I am grateful that the Commander did what she did. I owe her my life. Her quick thinking saved me. And if it means Le- Commander DeForrest won’t be punished for keeping me alive, I’ll join the program. I’ll go through the training and I’ll become a NIGHTBLOOD agent. I just don’t want the council to think I’m ungrateful for what she did.”

“Clarke if only it were that simple-” Titus says before he’s interrupted by Lexa.

“I won’t allow it.”

“Excuse me?” Clarke says as she places a hand on her hip and turns to glare at Lexa behind her. Lexa is still sitting at her chair but her fingers have caused indentation in the wood underneath them. Her eyes are glazed and almost bored but Clarke can see the uncomfortable glimmer she tries to hide.

“I said I won’t allow it. You may have been able to handle the nanos but that doesn’t mean you have what it takes to survive NIGHTBLOOD training. You’re still just a civilian, Ms. Griffin.”

Clarke knows Lexa is still just trying to protect her and her annoyance grows as she approaches the table behind her.

“Excuse me!” a voice calls out across the room. Clarke stops and follows the voice. She sees a woman at the far end of the bench leaning forward slowly. She is old and her eyes are kind as she speaks, “Commander DeForrest, you have no say in who we do and do not allow into the program. If she is capable of handling the nanos, I’m sure she is more than capable of handling the training involved. But with that being said, Clarke, we simply cannot allow you to just give your life away to this program. At least, not before you are fully aware of what you’re really getting yourself into. Titus, please tell these young women exactly what you told me this morning. ”

He clenches his jaw but he huffs out a quick, “Yes Chairwoman,” before looking back at Lexa, Anya, and Clarke.

“Rumors of an uprising in the north by a small community of independent citizens has been reported recently to me by Councilman Roan. This group believes the nanos are a mechanism of the council developed to control the populace. At first, they were small and harmless, requesting at local hospitals to have their nanos removed so they could live naturally and by their own means. They moved away from their communities and developed their own base of operations in the southern base of the mountain range. Disease and death were rampant at first because of the lack of formal medication but this only seemed to feed the fire. The group saw a sharp rise in recruitment as they began to speak on their beliefs in local cities and towns.

“Ice Crew, also known as Azgeda, has been watching the community from the wilderness, reporting any suspicious activity to their commander and Councilman Roan himself. A small party of the citizens left their fort and a team of soldiers was sent to the wilderness to track the group’s movement. The followed them part way to another town and their signal was lost in a storm. When the team was found, all the warriors had been systematically executed and drained of their blood. Later that day, a small medical facility was burned to the ground, killing three patients. The two doctors on duty were found to have been executed in the same way as the warriors.”

The longer Titus talked, the angrier Lexa felt herself becoming. She stand at her table once again and pierces Titus with a glare.

“When were you planning on telling me this, Titus?”

“When it became necessary to be any of your business, Commander DeForrest.”

Almost as if to block her from his gaze, Clarke steps between them confidently.

“Thank you for informing us of this, Titus. If they council will allow it, I would still like to be considered for acceptance into the program.”

Clarke turns to exchange a glance with Lexa before making her way to her seat. She can see the smug look in Clarke’s eyes and the panic starts to make its way up her throat again. From the way she’s acting, it’s almost as if she doesn’t want to be protected and Lexa realizes that’s exactly right. Clarke, independent and stubborn as she is, must hate the fact that Lexa is doing everything she possibly can to keep her out of harms way. Lexa can’t help the frustrated growl that escapes her as Clarke walks by and Anya elbows her in the ribs swiftly. Turning back to face the council, she sees all the members talking amongst themselves quietly. After a moment, Roan stands and motions for silence.

“Well, if you three would please excuse us for a moment. The council has much to discuss about what we’ve heard today. We’ll call you back in after we’ve come to a decision.”

Clarke stands swiftly and nearly runs out the doors. Anya and Lexa watch her go, exchanging a glance before following her up the steps. Once outside the chamber, they see Clarke standing in a huddle of bodies in the waiting area. She looks over her shoulder and excuses herself from the group.

“What the hell are you doing?” she says as she grabs Lexa by the wrist to pull her away from Anya. She walks her around the corner and out of sight of all the others before she stops.

Lexa pulls away from Clarke roughly and her frustration hits its peak as she looks into the deep blue of her eyes.

“I’m trying to keep you safe.”

“Well you can stop now. You’re being more annoying than usual. We’re not together so, according to your theory, I should be safe. Right?”

“It’s not exactly a science,” Lexa says between her gritted teeth. She works her jaws back and forth as she stares her mate down.

Clarke grunts angrily and turns to make her way back to her friends. Before she can think twice, Lexa reaches out and yanks Clarke back to face her.

“Please don’t do this,” Lexa says in a low voice. Clarke rolls her eyes but it’s halfhearted and she gently detaches herself from Lexa’s grip.

“Don’t do what?” she says back, knowing Lexa will hear the challenge in her voice.

“Don’t…” she starts to say but trails off as she looks back at Clarke. Lexa raises her chin high, working her jaw back and forth as Clarke looks from her charcoal mask to her lips. She feels the distance between their bodies closing but she doesn’t do anything to stop it. Clarke’s eyes are going dark and her voice is low and husky as she touches the spot where her mark is under her uniform. Lexa feels her blood sizzle at the touch and her heart races in excitement as Clarke backs her into the wall behind her.

“Hey Clarke,” a girl says as she steps around the corner. She halts abruptly and Clarke lets out an exasperated sigh as she steps between her and Lexa.

The girl looks over Clarke’s shoulder and whistles loudly as she makes eye contact with Lexa. Her face flares red and she slams the helmet over her head as she storms past the two girls.

“Nice going, Octavia,” Clarke says behind her.

Their voices fade as she turns the corner and makes her way toward Anya but she faintly hears the other girl say, “Yeah you too!”

A few moments later, a clerk emerges from the room to ask the three women to return to the chamber. Leda races ahead of both of them and plants herself in the seat before they’ve even made it in the door. She finds herself thinking of the death of the Azgeda warriors while the council members make their way to their seats. Her mind suddenly flashes back to this morning, outside in the cool morning air with Lincoln, Gustus, and Aden.

_“We’re taking the new recruits a few miles outside of the training area, toward the south end of the mountain range…”_

The beating in her ears suddenly goes silent and she feels the blood drain from her face at her immediate realization. Lexa is suddenly standing next to Clarke, the thin vein in her neck pulsing with anger and fear. Clarke doesn’t hesitate as she steps in front of her, blocking her path back down the aisle and out the door.

“What are you doing, Lexa?”

Lexa feels her body moving forward in her rage but before she can take a step around her, Clarke has her by the wrist. She freezes and meets the clear blue of Clarke’s eyes.

“Clarke, step aside,” Anya says, seeing the panic flowing under Lexa’s skin.

She doesn’t look away from Lexa as she says, “Back off Anya. Lexa, tell me what is going on.”

“Aden…” is all Lexa needs to say before understanding flows across Clarke’s face and she is turning to pull her from the room. They break into a run when they cross the doorway, not pausing as they pass Clarke’s friends or when they hear people screaming after them. Lexa takes the lead and Clarke follows her around the back to her Jeep. The tires are squealing against the pavement as the last of the council members find their seats and Anya is making her way back down the aisle to her table.

“Are they on their way?” Titus asks Anya as he sits in his chair.

Her face is red with fury and embarrassment as she says, “No, Councilman Titus, they are not. Something… Came up. If you will allow it, I can relay the decision to them at the Polis Training Area.”

 _Where they better fucking be…_ She thinks quietly to herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it!! Thanks again for reading!


	6. he made the stars also

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke does she wants, as per usual. There's fighting and Trigedasleng.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the POV (point of view) switches a whole lot during this chapter so sorry if it gets confusing. Let me know what you guys think afterwards!

**_Polis Training Area_ **

****

When the Jeep slides through the gates, the camp is already in a flurry of activity. Soldiers are running to and fro gathering their gear in their packs. Indra and Gustus stand at attention as Lexa launches out of the driver’s seat and approaches them swiftly.

“We are leaving now. Gustus, form your unit up. Indra, have you been able to get in contact with Lincoln?”

“No commander. Radio silence on their end. We’ve been sending signals every five minutes since you called.”

Gustus shouts at the soldiers at Lexa and Indra take off to the communications tent.

“Commander!” someone shouts from behind them and Clarke bursts through the crowd as she jogs up behind the two women. Her hair has been put up in her signature two braids and Lexa recalls another time when Clarke addressed her the same way. They were young and so new to each other but even then Lexa knew her world could crumble for this sky girl. She sees the same determined look from that day mirrored in Clarke’s eyes and her heart beats softly under her armor. She’s not sure yet whether it’s from pride or fear.

“Yes, Clarke?”

“I need a weapon.”

Indra and Lexa exchange a worried glance and the commander steps forward to place a hand on Clarke’s shoulder.

“No, you don’t. Because you’re staying here with Indra.”

“Like hell I am!” The fire in Clarke’s voice all but burns Lexa but she stands firm in front of her, relishing the heat of the fight, “You’re not leaving me here. I care about him just as much as you.”

“I am not doubting your affection for the boy. It is only for the sake of the mission that it is important you stay here.” The two women are nearly nose to nose at this point and Lexa can smell a faint whiff of soap and paint. The color in Clarke’s cheeks is getting brighter every second while Lexa remains cool and stoic in front of her, which only serves to make the smaller girl angrier.

“I’m coming with you, Lexa. You can’t stop me.”

“Indra, give us a moment.”

The woman nods and turns to make her way inside the building behind them. Suddenly Lexa is grabbing Clarke by the arm and taking her off the steps of the building to walk around the side. Her grip is solid, preventing her from escaping, but she handles Clarke softly, knowing the burn of her mark is directly below her elbow.

“You _are not_ coming with us,” Lexa says as she plants Clarke on the ground between her body and the building.

“You’re not in charge of me Lexa.”

“Not yet! But if your little display for the council has any effect, I may be in charge of you in the near future. This should be good practice.”

“Lexa, I just want to help!”

“You can help. By staying here and staying safe.”

Clarke scoffs and shakes her head at the commanders inclined chin. Her shoulders are straight up and back, hand resting softly on the knife at her hip. She looks proud and strong, nothing like the crying girl she held in her arms only last night.

“You’re never going to not protect me, are you?”

Lexa almost doesn’t answer because it seems so absurd to her that Clarke would even ask. But she inclines her chin slightly and shakes her head, “No. I will always give everything I am to you. Even if we cannot be one in this world, I will never stop trying to protect you.”

“Fine. I’ll stay here.”

Her surprise almost makes Lexa take a step back. She never thought Clarke would give in that quickly and she had prepared a whole list of arguments in her head on the drive out here on why she should stay in Polis. The suspicious tilt of her head makes Clarke want to throw her hands in the air but she keeps her gaze steady.

“Really? You will really stay in the training area?”

“Yes Lexa! I will stay here if it’s that important to you! You just have to promise me you’ll report everything that happens out there back to this camp.”

Lexa releases a huge sigh of relief at that and nods her head frantically, “Yes, I will report everything, I promise. Just stay here. I can’t be looking over my shoulder constantly to make sure you are safe.”

Clarke’s eyes never leave Lexa’s face. She notices and a small blush goes up her neck.

“What?”

“I know you’re married and because of that we can’t be together. I know, ok? But I think you should know that I can tell how right this feels for you. Having me here by your side, I mean. I know this is what you want as much as I do. So even if we can’t be together, can we at least still be friends?” Clarke says softly.

Neither of them speak for a moment. Lexa feels the truth of that statement all the way to her core. It _has_ felt right having Clarke here. Her nearness is like a splash of cool water across a sunburn. The closeness of her body has inexplicably put Lexa at ease and the same can be said for Clarke. The ache of the mark on her arm grew weaker and weaker the longer they were together in the car and is now almost completely gone.

They keep silent for a while because neither of them dare to confirm or deny the statement. It would mean too much. Their long, awkward moment is interrupted as heavy feet approach. Lexa takes a step back from Clarke and places her hands behind her back as Gustus peers around the side of the building at them.

“Commander! We’re ready to leave. We’ve located where the last signal they sent came from and we can make it there before nightfall. After that we’ll just have to track them.”

“I’ll be ready in just a moment. Meet me at the scout tower.”

Gustus nods and leaves them alone.

“No, I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Lexa says, “Being friends could be… dangerous. For both of us. But that does not mean we have to be enemies.”

Clarke nods gently and extends her hand as she says, “Not enemies. I can accept that.”

 _For now,_ she thinks as Lexa shakes her hand once and turns to leave her alone next to the building. Clarke follows her around the corner and waits for her to disappear between a row of tents. Once she’s out of sight, she dashes inside the communication tent and almost slams into Echo as she’s trying to leave. The girl squeezes the folders she’s carrying tightly to her chest so they don’t fall into a mess on the floor.

“Clarke? What are you doing out here?” In an instant, an idea forms in Clarke’s mind as she looks between the other girl and the right hand of the commander standing at attention behind her.

“Shh!” she says quietly as she ducks behind a stack of boxes, peeking around the side stealthily. Echo stands completely still for a moment before turning to follow her line of sight. She sees Lieutenant Indra leaning over a monitor and she slowly bends at the knees and shuffles next to Clarke behind the boxes.

“What are you doing out here? Is Wells with you?” She whispers dramatically into Clarke’s ear. She shakes her head and the girl lets out a disappointed sigh. Before Echo can say anything, Clarke turns back to her and grips her by the shoulders solidly.

“I need a favor, Echo. Like a serious favor. Like a life and death favor. I’ll owe you forever.”

“Okay? I’ll see what I can do but-”

“I need your uniform. Bring your helmet and meet me outside in five.” Clarke then releases her hold on the other girl’s shoulders to stand slowly and walk back out the door. Echo returns to her seat at the communications desk to trade her paperwork for her helmet. She’s almost to the door when Indra barks at her over her shoulder.

“Private! If you see a young blond woman outside, tell her to report to me immediately.”

She mumbles a quick, “Yes, Lieutenant,” before nearly running out the door.

Clarke walks from behind the building as Echo descends from the last step.

“I’m guessing I didn’t see you when I go back in there?”

“That’s correct. Bathroom?”

 

The body suit is tight against Clarke’s breasts and thighs. Echo seems to be a much thinner person than she looks but Clarke manages to squeeze herself into the tiny woman’s uniform. The armor is snug but still comfortable and she swings her arms to test the movement of the separate plates along her arms and back. Her helmet fits well and she arranges her hair inside it after quickly applying a light layer of charcoal around her eyes.

“I didn’t know you were a soldier.”

Echo nods from her position on the ground. She tightens the last straps around Clarke’s shin and gives the armor an experimental punch before standing up.

“I asked for a weekend leave after I met Wells during the Exodus. Surprisingly, Commander DeForrest granted it and I’ve been with him ever since. He dropped me off at the base this morning and I literally have been out here for less than three hours. How much trouble do you think I’m going to get into because of this?”

Clarke flips the visor up on the helmet to wink at Echo from the window. Echo hears a muffled, “You’ll be fine,” before she flips the switch back down and her eyes are covered by the black plexi.

“Trust me, you’re not going to get into any trouble. If they ask, I robbed you. But seriously, thank you. I really owe you big time. If I make it home before you, I’ll tell Wells you said hey.”

“Don’t worry about that. Just be careful. I don’t have any weapons for you other than the knife on your left thigh guard. It’s not much but it should get the job done if you need it. You know how to use it right?” Clarke hesitates for a second, eyeballing the long brown sheathe adorning her side. She shivers slightly at the thought of having to use it. Her life has been one of safety and less than exciting normality. But she recalls living in worlds where self-defense was a necessary requirement for survival and she hopes to god that will be enough.

“Yes, I can use it.”

“Ok. I hate sending you out there with next to nothing but I’m in communication and I haven’t been given any weapons from my captain yet. And, even if I had, the only weapons available in the camp are non-lethals. So I guess the only advice I can give you, other than watch your back, is don’t get caught. If you do, I’m not sure even the council could help you. Not that I would know, but I’ve heard the commander can be really ruthless.”

Clarke carefully holds back a snort of derision at that comment. She exits the bathroom and makes her way down the row of tents she saw Lexa disappear.

Her tracks are not easy to follow. Clarke allows her mind to drift as she furiously recalls all her tracking and hunting skills she developed in her past life. The task is easier said than done but she finds herself falling into a familiar comfortable pace she goes along. It seems that Wanheda’s time in the wilderness was not ill-spent. She weaves in and out of the rows before she finds herself standing next to a large tree. The upturned dirt of the large group is much easier to follow and she catches up with them in less than fifteen minutes.

She heads downhill and soon can see the movement of Gustus’ unit in front of her. The backs of the soldier’s helmets flash softly in the sunlight and she jogs after them lightly. As she gets closer, she sees the hulking form of Gustus striding next to a smaller soldier, a long sword strapped to the armor on her back. Even without the weaponry, the commander’s imposing tread would be identifiable even from this distance. Almost as if sensing her gaze, Lexa turns her head slowly to the side just as Clarke slides among the ranks.

“Hey, are you lost?” someone next to her says amicably. Clarke looks to her left to see a broad shouldered figure looking down at her through the open visor of his helmet.

“Um, nope,” Clarke says slowly, “Not lost. Why do you ask?”

“Well for starters, you’re in Comms,” he says as he points to the emblem on Echo’s breastplate. For the first time, Clarke notices the ornate symbol painted across her heart. The red image of twin serpents winding around a winged staff stand out brightly against the brown and green underneath. “I always thought you guys had the coolest emblem. Hermes, messenger of the gods. Fucking perfect. And also, you forgot your pack.”

“Uh, yes. That’s all very true. Um, well, shit.”

“Hey don’t worry about me,” the man next to her says, “I just thought I’d warn you that this isn’t a training hike. If you want to head back before we get too far away from camp, I’d do it now.”

“I can’t. I’m not supposed to be here but I can’t go back.”

The man nods and detaches a short baton from his right hip. “Well, you seem like you’re on a mission so you can hold on to this for me. You know how to use a shock stick right? I’m Emerson by the way. Given name is Carl but no one calls me that.”

Clarke’s eye grow large as she looks the man next to her up and down. The light hearted twinkle that flashes across his eyes and the crinkles surrounding them must have thrown her off. As hard as she looks, she can’t seem to find the cold glint that flashed in them the last time she saw him. He doesn’t seem to notice her recognition or panic as she searches his face for any hints of the broken man she once spared from execution. Clarke feels her relief build as she remembers the fact that this man is not the same one that she knew in the past. That he could never be tortured with the memories of losing his children or living the remainder of his life broken and alone, all thanks to Clarke herself. She smiles under her helmet as she extends her hand.

“Clarke Griffin. Nice to meet you, Carl Emerson.”

 

Their conversation, although pleasant and relaxing, was short lived as the commander began to speed the group up. The soldiers surrounding her soon became winded by the pace and the exchanges with Emerson slowly ceased as he huffed alongside her. Clarke found herself mostly unaffected by the speed of the march, having time to observe the colors and flights of the songbirds surrounding them. Except for the dull ache that had returned to her mark to pulse along with her raised heart rate, she would have never noticed they had been moving at a steady jog along the forest floor.

_Guess the nanos really are good for something._

They marched for hours and by the time they found themselves nearing the last radio signal, low ominous clouds had moved in to cover the tops of the mountain peaks. As the sun descended behind the tops of the trees, the darkness seemed to even thicken the air around them. A rumble of thunder could be heard in the distance and Clarke felt herself shiver in the cool breeze brushing the sweat coating the back of her neck. Commander DeForrest slowed the group as they approached the edge of the forest. Gustus motioned with his left hand and the column of soldiers began to spread to either side of the commander and her lieutenant. As Clarke approached the front of the group at Emerson’s side, a wide clearing came into view. The tall grass was swooping slowly from the steady wind that whipped into the woods under their feet.

Clarke felt herself prickling at the empty view. The sounds of the forest around her had ceased and it was obvious she wasn’t the only one that had noticed. The soldiers surrounding her slowly began to grasp the rifles hanging from their packs, loading their magazine filled with rubber bullets with soft clicks. Emerson gripped his weapon lightly, popping the safety as he signaled wordlessly for Clarke to grasp the shock stick at her hip. They had made their way to the front and she had to stop herself from jumping back as the commander’s eyes bounced down the front. A sharp whistle sounded from the middle and the group slowly started to step forward into the open meadow.

 

 

Lexa knew this was a bad idea. They had no true weapons and no way of escape at this point if they were to be attacked. She had hoped they would find Aden and the other scouts or at least be close to finding them but so far the soldiers she had sent ahead of the group had come back empty handed. She knew she could turn back and start again soon after they received a commission of actual weaponry but the oncoming storm made her squash that idea in its tracks. If they returned to camp and let the rains wash away the trail, it would be nearly impossible to track them any further than they had already come. Plus, she couldn’t accept leaving Aden alone in the wilderness when a group of murderous fanatics were roaming and killing so openly for their cause. Visions of Aden’s crumpled form on the ground, neck sliced through to the esophagus, haunted her panicked thoughts.

Now she was faced with a new decision, to trek across an open field, leaving all of her warriors exposed to the surrounding forest, or to turn back now and make it to camp before dawn. They had to move through the tall grass to reach the exact spot where the signal had come from but the meadow was still leaving her with a cold stab on nervousness. Something was terribly wrong with this place. Her senses were on high alert but, as hard as she tried, she could not place exactly what was setting her on edge. The air was cool and moist, signaling an oncoming storm and the tastes and sounds surrounding her were muffled by the pressure of the storm above them.

Gustus felt it too and gave the signal for the group to spread around them. The soldiers moved silently into place, their footsteps easily masked by the leaves quivering above their heads. She mentally heaved a thankful sigh at Indra’s forethought to leave the new recruits in the camp with her. The men and women around her were all highly trained and experienced soldiers, tried and tested on the field. A movement caught her eye and she followed the line of soldiers on her right. Not noticing anything out of the ordinary, she looked to Gustus to begin the march.

They emerged from the tree line slowly and quietly, their nervousness apparent in their cautious steps. Once completely free of the cover of the trees, Lexa felt herself instinctually lowering into the cover of the grass. Her soldiers followed suit and they all were almost lost in the cover of the light green grass, their heads only coming into view when the cover was lowered by particularly strong gusts. Like a pride of lions, they stalked forward into the center of the clearing.

 

 

Clarke watches Lexa from the corner of her eye as she stalks forward into the grass. Her walk is slow and precise, never missing a single detail of the trail ahead of her. At this point, the group is nearly in the center and still they had found no signs of a struggle or of the lost scout group. Between watching Lexa and focusing on carefully keeping her hips lowered to the ground, Clarke finds herself watching the trees on the opposite side of the meadow. They lean too far with the breeze, bending at sharp angles with every gust.

 _Like there’s too much weight,_ she thinks suddenly. The darkness continues to descend around them slowly. Clarke doesn’t stop looking for any signs of the lost soldiers, her anxiety growing as the light grows fainter and fainter around her. She brings her visor up in an effort to see clearer in the dying light.

A shout sounds far to the left and the soldiers emerge quickly and form up, backs together, searching wildly for the source of the call. Lexa moves calmly as she makes her way down the line. The warriors around her keep their formation and follow the commander through the tall grasses, keeping their eyes on everything but the center of the meadow at their backs. Clarke follows their lead, allowing her eyes to bounce back and forth between the tops of the trees in front of her and the ominous dark of the woods beneath.

 

 

As Lexa approaches, she can see Gustus lifting a young man from where he’s fallen in the grass. His eyes are wide underneath his helmet and his visor is spotted with a dark fluid. All of a sudden, a thick coppery smell hits her and almost knocks her off her feet. She moves her hand in front of her nose to try to block the smell from assaulting her when she takes her next breath. Lexa and Gustus meet and bend down to observe the ground beneath the young man’s boots together.

The earth is soaked and mushy where he’s standing. Gustus takes two fingers and pushes them gently into the ground. They emerge sticky and wet, the scent of blood becoming stronger after he disturbs the puddle surrounding them. The follow the river of death with their eyes as it disappears through the field. A wide expanse of the grass is flat here, coated with the dark liquid. As the wind whips the plants around, blood splatters against the legs of the soldiers around them. One man rips his helmet off to retch into the dirt, falling on his knees as he loses his lunch.

“They must have dragged the bodies,” Gustus says quietly as he points with his bloodied hand, “through the grass to the trees.” Lexa shakes her head quickly, dismissing the idea that they’re too late.

“Not enough blood. There were thirteen in the party, including Lincoln and Aden,” she says as she stands, “I’m guessing this is from only about five people. They didn’t kill them all.”

Gustus stands and scans the open ground surrounding them. “Maybe most of them escaped. These obviously weren’t so lucky. We should split up. We can go out in groups, locate their trail, and then make camp once we’ve found the direction they headed.”

“No splitting up. We’re going to follow this trail into the trees and set up a perimeter once we find the bodies. Keep them alert, Lieutenant. Something is not right here.”

“What makes you say that?”

“This was too easy. They don’t care about being found. They didn’t even try to hide their trail or the blood.”

“So, did they want to be found?”

“I sure as hell hope not,” Lexa says quietly.

 

 

The line begins to form up and Clarke can feel her heart thumping steadily under her breastplate. As they approach the cover of the trees, the rumble of thunder that was once distant, rocks the ground beneath her feet. Her hand hovers over the handle of the knife at her side as the sky lights up above the trees. The darkness has fully descended around them now. Her visor begins to glow a light green above her line of vision and once lowered, the world glows brightly around her revealing the line of men and women on either side of her.

Clarke’s senses go into overdrive as they creep further toward the trees. She feels herself moving steadily closer and closer to Lexa’s side as her unease grows. By the time they’re under the protective cover of the forest, Clarke is only a couple feet away from the other woman. The first splat of rain falls, hitting the top of her helmet with a solid thump. She keeps moving slowly toward Lexa, making sure to stay back out of her line of sight. Another splash hits the front of her helmet and the thick liquid runs down her visor causing a dark streak to split her vision. Clarke reaches up to wipe the liquid away and only manages to smear it across the plexi. Only then does she freeze, looking up slowly into the branches above her head.

Four bodies swing softly in the wind above her, eyes wide and pleading, and Clarke gasps loudly. They’re all upside down and stripped of everything but their undergarments, held aloft by a single ankle which is roped solidly around a branch. Blood runs from their gaping throats down their faces and arms, their skin bright in the glow of the night vision. She searches each face for any recognizable traits and guiltily sighs with relief when she realizes Aden is not there. Neither is Lincoln for that matter.

Lightning lights up the sky above the trees, momentarily blinding her. A soldier comes to a sudden stop next to her, looking up as she looks down. She blinks away the stars as she hears the man next to her scream, “Commander! They’re in the trees!” Lexa approaches her side and Clarke turns her body away slightly, hiding the emblem decorating her chest. The commander looks into the treetops and releases a heavy sigh at the sight. Another flash strobes across the sky quickly, lighting up the forest floor around them. Clarke can see that most of the soldiers have now all turned their heads to the scene above her, their backs to the surrounding darkness.

Before she can raise her eyes to the swinging death above her, a flash of movement catches her eye. She finds herself straining to see through the blood smeared across her visor so she swiftly wrenches the screen up.

Clarke feels time slowing around her as the man steps from behind a tree and begins to notch an arrow in a white longbow. She watches the sluggish motion of the muscles in his arm tensing from drawing back the taut string. His feet shuffle momentarily into the dirt, looking for a sturdy hold before releasing the arrow. His form is terrible, his aim will surely be off, but Clarke cannot run the risk of simply hoping he misses.

Her reaction is instantaneous. She wastes no time calling out or looking for the man’s target. She doesn’t really know if he’s aiming for her or if he’s only shooting wildly into the fray but she does know one thing for certain. Lexa is the only person who is definitely not getting shot. She turns and launches her full weight into the woman behind her. The sound of their armor colliding is as loud as a gunshot in the night. Clarke wraps her arms around Lexa’s waist as they fall and the full force of her helmeted head meets her chest. The air leaves Lexa’s body in one hard huff when they hit the unforgiving ground. Men and women start shouting as thunder crashes above the trees and an explosion of sound and heat bursts over their heads.

As Lexa struggles to draw a breath underneath her, Clarke raises her eyes to take in the chaos that has erupted around them. A body lays splayed in the dirt near them, an arrow lodged in the exposed skin of their neck. Shots are bursting into the surrounding darkness, the flashes at the end of the barrels the only light to illuminate the armored faces of the soldiers. The Tree Crew warriors surrounding the women on the ground have created a barrier with their bodies, which Clarke realizes is probably the best opportunity to gather Lexa in her arms and lift her off of the ground.

Now standing, they see beyond the crowd of people surrounding them a growing skirmish. Men and women are charging through the darkness at the thinning wall of bodies surrounding them. Some are armored in a similar uniform of Tree Crew, many are only protected by thick leather skins over their homespun clothes. Clarke sees a massive array of weapons held by all from clubs to bows and arrows all the way up to hand guns and a special few bearing long rifles and machine guns. The rubber bullets are having little to no effect and the Tree Crew soldiers begin to drop like flies as the enemy releases a hail storm of bullets into the trees.

“Retreat! Everybody get out of here!” Lexa screams beside Clarke, unsheathing her sword at last. Clarke does the same and wrenches the knife and her shock stick from her side. In their panic, most of the men and women surrounding them all turn and run for the only escape they have, the open plain they just emerged from. Clarke sees a couple of young men holding Gustus as they run parallel to oncoming army, further into the trees instead of the open meadow. Clarke feels the stirrings of panic beginning to cloud her brain as she grabs Lexa by the arm and starts to drag her after them. Lexa nearly resists, wanting to stay and fight in her fury, until she sees where the other soldier is trying to take her. Clarke watches as she runs to Gustus, only slowing to run her blade through a man who tries to get in her way.

Clarke tries to make her way after her but a desperate voice calls her attention back to the center of the battle.

“Clarke! Help!” Carl Emerson calls as he grapples with a large man. He stands with his back against a tree, holding the larger man as far from himself as possible but it appears to be a losing battle. His gun and helmet have been knocked to the side and he’s pushing against meaty hands desperately as a knife descends toward his face. Her helmet is blocking her peripheral view of the battle so she wrenches it off, sending her cascades of blond hair onto her shoulders. Once her vision is clear, Clarke takes the knife in her hand and swings it as hard as she can at the wide back and shoulders of the man. It twists in the air and slides perfectly through the leather on his back and into the thick skin between his shoulder blades. The shock of the sudden pain gives Emerson the chance to wrench the blade from the wild man’s hands and jab it through his eye. He falls heavily and Emerson steps over him to run towards Clarke.

She watches his hand extend to point behind her but a sudden pain in her skull knocks her onto the ground. Her grip fails as she feels her body begin to drift toward unconsciousness and her shock stick goes flying into the distance. As quickly as she starts to fade, she is pulled back to consciousness by the taste of dirt in her mouth. She tries to turn to face her attacker on her back but stars burst across her vision and a sharp metallic pain erupts across the back of her skull. She feels pressure pushing her head further into the dirt and then it’s gone. She looks slowly over her shoulder to see a thin woman wielding a long club, Clarke’s nano infested blood covering her palm. As she turns her hand over to face the flashing lights of the guns around them, a knowing look crosses the woman’s face at the sight of the black blood. Before Clarke has time to wonder at that, a sharp kick from behind sends the woman to her knees. She sees Lexa emerge over the wild woman’s shoulder, snarling as she grabs a fistful of hair with one hand and draws the blade of her knife swiftly across her throat with the other. A red river crawls down her skin and Lexa shoves the woman roughly to the side before bending to help Carl Emerson lift Clarke from the ground.

They tear across the woods towards a ravine where the two soldiers carrying Gustus have disappeared. Emerson separates from Lexa and Clarke to dispose of any unfortunate wild people who cross their path. A flurry of bullets fly over their heads as Lexa ducks to lift Clarke fully off the ground, cradling her close as she sprints further into the forest.

Clarke’s head is heavy but she does her best to hold herself close to the other woman. She wraps her hand around Lexa’s neck to hold herself up but she finds she doesn’t have the strength to hold her own body weight. Instead, she pushes her forehead gently into the side of Lexa’s neck, focusing on the heat of her skin to keep from losing consciousness. She feels the rumble of Lexa’s vocal cords under the skin and she realizes she’s chanting as she runs.

“It’s ok, you’re ok Clarke, it’s going to be ok, you’re ok” over and over above her.

 

 

The group has reached the edge of the ravine and the tortured screams of the soldiers behind them makes Emerson pause for a moment before Lexa rushes down the hill past him saying, “There is nothing we can do. We are outnumbered and outgunned. We have to get back to Polis, Emerson. Come.”

He nods angrily and bounces down the steep hill beside her. Above they can hear the sounds of furious pursuit. Lexa doesn’t turn but can tell from the noise it’s only about four, maybe five people. None of them are wielding guns, thankfully, but arrows are felt more than seen launching past their heads. Every once in a while, one becomes lodged into the wood of the trees they pass. Lexa sees Emerson yanking the arrows out of the bark as they run, gripping a handful of them already as they near the bottom of the ravine.

A dry stream bed greets them when they land, puddles of stagnant water dotting the flat rocks under their feet. Lexa takes the lead, following the random wet prints of the other soldiers down the stream instead of up. Suddenly the steps veer off into a large hole in the side of the ravine. Lexa and Emerson run inside, ducking their heads at the last moment to avoid the low hanging rock. Once inside, the two soldiers guarding Gustus’ limp form turn with frightened gasps, baring their knives in their balled fists.

“Easy,” Lexa says softly, turning Clarke from them slightly in case they attack out of fear. They lower their weapons at their commander’s voice, sighing loudly in the dark of the hole. Lexa gently places Clarke on the ground, upright against the moist walls of the cave. Her eyes are open but glazed as she stares back at Lexa.

“Aden wasn’t there.”

Lexa grabs her shoulders and leans the other woman into her. She gently turns her head so she can look at the broken skin on the back of her head. The bleeding has slowed immensely. The black blood has completely ceased gushing and is actually clotting nicely across the tear in her scalp. “I know, Clarke. How is your head feeling?”

“Commander, they’re coming.”

Their steps echo off the ravine walls as the group approaches. Lexa takes her knife and hands it off to Emerson after he places his handful of arrows on the ground. She motions behind her at the other two soldiers to crouch between them as she removes her sword from the sheath on her back. Before the wild men get too close, Lexa leans across and whispers to the man next to her. “Stay here and guard these two with your life.”

Two men sprint past the hole without slowing. Lexa holds her arm out for the others to wait for her signal. One more passes, slower than the first, and then last two simply jog by. One of the last men has a bow gripped tightly in his hand and the familiarity of it makes her face flush with fury.

_Where did they get Aden’s bow?_

Lexa decides the man with the stolen weapon will go down first. She sprints out of the cave, followed closely by Emerson and one other soldier at her back. Her first slice hits the bowman in the back of his thighs, forcing him to the ground. He swings the weapon around and Lexa deflects it with her forearm and bashes him across the face with a closed fist. When he falls, she kicks the bow from his grasp, holding him down at the neck with her sword.

The others swarm past her, slicing and stabbing their pursuers as they turn in surprise. The other three die quickly, taken aback by the sudden emergence of the three warriors. The last man tries to run but is stopped by a knife thrown into his leg. Emerson approaches to finish the job but Lexa stops him as he yanks the blade out of his leg.

“Wait! Bring him to me.”

 

Both of the men are gagged and tied, facing opposite directions with their backs pressing together. Lexa stands back as Emerson and the other two soldiers work them over methodically. Both of the men are bleeding profusely from various cuts across their faces. One now has a busted nose, eyes swelling and turning black from the blow.

The clouds have receded after a light pelting rain, leaving cool air in its wake. The light stream of rain water gurgles softly under their feet. A full bright moon now shines down between the leaves above them. Clarke and Gustus have been pulled from the hole in the side of the ravine and placed against a clear edge of the steep valley walls. Clarke is resting peacefully, watching the moon drifted across the sky above them, while Gustus is breathing laboriously from trying to find a comfortable place to rest his shattered knee. Clarke’s mind is clearing more fully by the second and she lifts her head confidently as she turns to the man next to her. No stars flash across her vision, nor does she feel nauseous at the movement of lifting her head so she experimentally turns on her knees to approach the lieutenant.

“Let me help you,” she says softly as she approaches. He nods and removes the knife from his side, placing it gently on the ground next to him.

Lexa watches her crawl closer and begin to cut Gustus’ armor and pants from his injured leg. She smiles to herself, almost falling to her knees at the relief she feels that Clarke survived the blow to her head. Her eyes don’t linger on the scene long before she turns back to face three men beating the two on the ground. In one hand, Lexa holds the long curved bow retrieved from the scuffle. Her thumb strokes the soft imperfections of the carved name on the inside of the arrow rest. She remembers watching Aden carve it during one of their camping sessions as young NIGHTBLOOD trainees. He spent the entire two weeks carving and sanding the thick piece of bowed wood before declaring its perfection to Lexa and their instructor. He bore it proudly on the march back to Mount Weather, the fresh cuts in the wood still bearing loose splinters around the four letters.

She raises her fingers from where they’re balancing on the bow and the three men instantly step back. Emerson yanks the gag from the bowman’s mouth as she steps forward and squats in front of him. Only one of his eyes is swollen shut so she brandishes the bow in front of her calmly.

“I am only going to ask you this one more time. Where did you get this weapon?”

The man says nothing and the hard glint in his eye tells Lexa he probably never will. She sees him rear back and a glob of bloody spit flies in her direction. It falls short, landing in the dirt between her feet. Emerson steps forward, sending the top of his boot directly under the man’s chin, clacking his teeth together forcefully. He’s head flies back from the blow and knocks against the other man’s head behind him.

“Very well,” Lexa says calmly as she makes her way around to face the other man. He’s younger and obviously terrified. Both of his eyes are swollen but the tears are still streaming down his face, blending in with the blood halfway down. She reaches up and yanks the gag out of his mouth forcefully. “Your friend has chosen death but that does not mean you must also share his fate. Tell me where he got this bow and I will allow you to live.”

“Don’t say a word, boy! They’re going to kill us no matter what. At least die with some dignity.” Lexa sends the end of the bow into the first man’s mouth, smashing what little remains of his teeth before turning back to face the young man.

“What is your name?” a soft voice says above and behind Lexa’s crouched body.

“M-my name is T-T-T-Tanner,” the boy says shakily. His chin quivers and Lexa feels a hand grip her shoulder lightly. Clarke leans down next to her and places a gentle hand on his leg. He flinches away but she doesn’t pull back.

“Tanner, my name is Clarke Griffin. I’m sorry it’s come to this but we really need your help. We can spare your life tonight, if you let us. But if you won’t answer our questions, you leave us with no choice.”

“Please don’t kill me.”

“I don’t want to. I really don’t,” Clarke says slowly, “But I will run a blade through you myself if you don’t tell us where you’ve taken our people.” She doesn’t look at the girl next to her but Lexa’s eyes widen for a second before the bored mask falls over them again.

His shoulders and face sag with defeat as he nods his head. “Okay, I’ll tell you,” he says softly and the man behind him jumps with unexpected fury.

“Traitor! Fucking traitor! I knew you were a little coward just like your father! You better hope they kill you because if you make it back to the compound after this, you’ll only be able to wish for a clean death! You better beg for them to kill you tonight!”

“Get him out of here,” Lexa says through gritted teeth. Two soldiers cut his bonds and raise him off the ground by his arms as he continues to struggle. Emerson follows behind closely and they disappear downstream. His shouts are suddenly cut off with a gurgle and a loud thud. The three return after a few moments, Emerson wiping fresh blood off his blade onto the leg of his bodysuit.

“Now, Tanner, tell us what where you have taken the rest of the scouting party you ambushed earlier today.” Clarke can tell by the tone of her voice that Lexa is losing patience quickly. Probably too quickly, but it could all change if the young man really wants to live.

“He got the weapon because he was a part of the ambush party. They got the weapons and armor from them. I wasn’t there when they were ambushed but I know most of them were taken captive. They’re being held in a remote mountain pass north of here. One of them was special. He had to be kept alive and he forced the ambush party to keep most of the scouts alive too. They are all probably dead now, except for him. But that’s all I know.”

“Do you know what he looked like? The special one.” Lexa heart is beating firmly in her chest, the roar of her pulsing blood loud in her ears. Clarke reaches out to grasp her hand but she moves away and starts to pace in front of the boy.

“No. But he has some special kind of nanos. Weaponized nano tech, I’m guessing. It makes his blood black. I don’t know what the elders plan to do with him but they’ve been looking for others. He’s the first we’ve found so far.”

Lexa stands to her full height. Her eyes are empty when they look between Clarke and Emerson slowly. “Everyone get back in the cave. I will take the first watch. Emerson, tie his hands and feet together and check once more to make sure there are no weapons on him. You made a wise choice tonight, Tanner. All of you get some sleep. We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow.”

Lexa doesn’t acknowledge Clarke as she passes her to help Gustus back into the cave so she busies herself with searching the young man again. She finds nothing and neither does Emerson so they drag him into the entrance together. As much as she hates him for being a part of the mob that took Aden, she can’t find it in herself to be cruel to him, so she tries to place him on a soft patch of earth. Lexa settles Gustus into position and turns to leave the hole, not sparing a glance in Clarke’s direction.

She almost doesn’t follow. She almost lets her leave to stand guard alone in the cold but her mind is racing with worry for Lexa’s brother and Lexa herself so she steps out after her quietly. Outside, Lexa has disappeared around the bend up stream. Clarke steps lightly across the stream bed, avoiding the bigger puddles of water in an effort to make less noise. The calm of the night surrounding her does nothing to calm her overworked nerves. Once she comes around the corner, she finds Lexa frozen in the middle of the ravine, staring into the sky above the trees. Her skin is steaming in the cool night air and Clarke can see her shoulders shaking as she approaches.

“Go back to the cave, Clarke.”

“No,” she says stubbornly, never slowing her approach.

Lexa turns and Clarke can see the built up wetness in her eyes under the cold stare Lexa impales her with. “You have been telling me ‘no’ quite a lot lately. I don’t believe I will ever be fond of it.”

Clarke smirks sweetly as she makes her way directly in front of the other woman. Her shoulders quiver but her face never reveals a single emotion.

“I’m the only one stubborn enough to do it.”

Lexa can’t help her small smile in response. It’s only the tiniest twitch at the corner of her lips but it’s enough to make Clarke’s heart melt. She yearns to reach out to Lexa but she holds herself back. Lexa’s sadness seems to literally weigh her down, drooping her shoulders and her head as she sits on a nearby log. Clarke follows her and sits at an appropriate distance away, placing her hand on the log between them.

Lexa takes it between hers without thinking. She turns Clarke’s hand over and traces the lines along her palm slowly. The touch sends shivers up to her shoulder and she feels the hairs on her arm prickling. Her mark starts to feel hot under the black suit. However, it’s not the sickly heat from this morning. It’s a soft heat, like holding your lover under a quilt on a cool winter morning. There’s no pain, only a fine itch underneath the material. It feels wonderful and relaxing.

They don’t say anything for a while, each wrapped in their own thoughts at the conclusion of their difficult day. The first tear falls and lands in the middle of Clarke’s palm with a soft splat. Clarke removes her hand from Lexa’s grasp and hastily wipes the wetness from her cheeks with her thumbs. Lexa does her best to reign in her emotions but fails when Clarke lifts her chin to look in her light green eyes. “We were too late, Clarke,” she says brokenly into Clarke soft palm.

“No we weren’t. He’s still alive and we’re going to find him, Lexa. I promise. We’re going to find him and bring him home.”

Lexa feels herself losing control and she gives in to her anguish with a sob. Before she knows it, she’s surrounded by Clarke’s arms. Clarke tucks Lexa’s head under her chin and wraps her hand in the thick brown hair, cradling her tightly. Clarke can feel Lexa sobbing into her chest, her fingers scrabbling before finally wrapping around Clarke’s neck and pulling her closer.

They hold each other close until Lexa’s sobs recede slowly. She reluctantly detangles herself from Clarke’s arms. Once separated, she wipes the running mask from her cheeks after taking her gloves off. Lexa opens her mouth to apologize but Clarke beats her to the punch.

“Don’t tell me you’re sorry. I can see in your eyes that you want to.”

Lexa knows she’s kidding but that doesn’t stop her from snapping her mouth shut in surprise. “Well, can I at least say thank you?”

Clarke nods and leans back dramatically, watching Lexa in her relaxed pose.

“Thank you, Clarke. For this and also for saving my life earlier. This doesn’t mean I’m not mad at you for disobeying my orders and following me out here though. I’m still upset about that. But I am grateful for your help.”

“We’re even,” Clarke says in a serious tone, “You saved my life as well, remember?”

Her mind goes back to that moment, drawing the blade across the other woman’s throat in her fury. She emerged from a red haze to see Clarke looking at her from the ground, her eyes clouded from the pain of the open wound on the back of her skull. She doesn’t remember anything between hearing Clarke’s name being called across the battlefield and feeling her blade slice through thin skin. All she knows is she lost herself. There were no thoughts, only actions. Terror and fury controlled her movements.

“I couldn’t let them take you,” is all she says as she edges back into her position next to Clarke. She methodically removes the glove on her hands one finger at a time. The gloves are tight but she manages to free her with little struggle from Clarke. Lexa runs her fingers down the fine lines of the other woman’s palm. They’re the same as she remembers them.

Lexa finds herself wanting to scoot closer to Clarke’s side. It takes the other woman by surprise when she begins to move closer but she doesn’t move away. The tingling in the back of Lexa’s skull is returning with every closing inch and a dam breaks inside when their bodies make contact. Her pulse races and a blush creeps into her cheeks at the feeling. Her mind wander back to the room they shared last night, Clarke lifting her off the ground roughly and Lexa’s legs wrapping around the other woman’s body. Clarke feels the tension in Lexa grow and it starts to make her nervous as hell. She sits up straight suddenly, wanting to scoot away but unable to unless she falls off the end of the log. She looks into Lexa’s eyes and the green is intoxicating around her wide blown pupils. The fire burns in Clarke’s mark once again but the pain is nothing compared to having to resist the pull of Lexa’s stare.

Lexa looks between Clarke’s eyes and her mouth predatorily, drinking in the blue of her gaze. Her hand is creeping up to grasp Clarke’s lightly, almost timidly. Clarke opens her mouth and speaks, pulling Lexa rudely back into reality. “Remember your wife, Lexa. Think about what you’re doing.”

Lexa doesn’t back up. She only looks from the hand gripping Clarke’s thigh tightly and the watery eyes pleading across from her. No tears have fallen yet but Lexa can see they’re not far off. She sees Clarke’s lip shaking and she feels the words tumbling out of her mouth.

“Clarke, I- I am so afraid. I was so afraid I had lost you today. Seeing you go down and all the blood pouring out of you- I just lost control. I can’t lose you Clarke. Not again. But I can’t do this anymore. It’s obvious that you’re in danger whether we’re together or not. So I- I just-”

She doesn’t see the confusion wash over Clarke face. All she sees is the relief in her eyes before their lips are meeting. The kiss is hot and desperate, Lexa leaning into Clarke fully to wrap her hands in her hair. She feels Clarke’s hesitation for only a second before she meets Lexa’s intensity. Their mouths are moving together roughly and Clarke’s tongue meets Lexa’s, coming together and causing them both to gasp at the rightness of it all. Between kisses, Lexa says the only words that matter. In this moment they are the only words with any meaning.

“I choose you, Clarke Griffin. Please forgive me-”

Clarke silences her with another kiss, grabbing her by the hips and pulling her closer. Lexa gasps into her mouth at the fire the touch sends up her stomach. Clarke is smiling as she continues to kiss her. Lexa feels her hands wrapping around her back and down past her ass to grip her thigh. Clarke swings Lexa over her lap, causing the other girl to straddle her tightly.

“I don’t forgive you.” Her mouth is moving down to her jaw, planting soft kisses back to her neck.

Lexa transitions naturally, lifting her head to expose her neck to Clarke’s mouth. _“Beja, Klarke.”_ Her teeth meet Lexa’s skin suddenly, a low growl building in her chest. A moan escapes at the rumble underneath her.

“OK, maybe I can forgive you.” Her hands are tightening around Lexa’s back, pulling her back down for another kiss. It’s softer now, less desperate and sweeter than anything she’s experienced up until this point. Clarke _tastes_ happy, her tongue dancing across Lexa’s.

They separate as Clarke stands. She sets Lexa down gently on the rocks of the streambed underneath them. Lexa is sad when she does but she doesn’t let her leave the cage of her arms.

“Lexa, as much as I fucking hate to say this, and I seriously fucking hate it, but we have to go back. I’ll stand guard with you.”

“No, _ai hodness_ , rest tonight. I’ll have Emerson take over in a few hours and I will join you. You will need to be rested for tomorrow. There is much to be done.” Clarke nods her head and they make their way back to the hole. Clarke crawls in after giving Lexa a soft kiss, gripping her tightly by the waist while she does so. Lexa walks a ways down the ravine before picking a slightly hidden spot in the brush. She looks up into the sky before settling, wondering idly if she’s made a terrible mistake. She whispers her fears to the stars before settling in for a long chilly night.

_“Oso gonplei nou ste odon nowe.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:  
> Beja, Klarke- Please Clarke  
> ai hodness- my love  
> oso gonplei ste odon nowe- our fight is never over
> 
> So hey how did you like it??? Thanks for reading guys!!!


	7. and Darkness was upon the face of the deep.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa start their journey. We also get to see a little of Clarke and Aden's history.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my gosh I'm so sorry I haven't been updating. Please forgive me :(

**_Some time ago_ **

****

When Clarke emerges from her car into the growing dark outside her home, all she wants is to go inside and sit down. It’s been a long day at the hospital. The ER was packed, as it usually was on July 4th. _Literally every year. Bloody Americans_ , she thinks as she takes her gym bag out of the back seat. Most of her day consisted of helping burnt, drunk adults who apparently seem to lose all common sense on this particular holiday.

Her thoughts are interrupted by a roar and two intense screeches emanating from the back yard. _Speaking of no bloody sense…_ She pops through the side gate and peers around the edge of the house. She doesn’t see anybody upon her first glance. The grill is smoking lightly and the pool water is lapping over the edge and onto the concrete, tiny waves cresting around the edges. She only gets to take one step forward before she’s scared out of her wits by a loud shriek as her daughter jumps out from under the trampoline.

"Run mommy run!”

 _Oh shit_ is all she has time to think before she’s picked up on either side and carried swiftly to the edge of the pool. Her bag is thrown off of her arm and she’s lifted high above their heads. Someone has her by the shoulders and the other by her feet.

“Wait wait wait! Stop!” They freeze as Clarke reaches the top of their throw. Two arms are shaking unsteadily underneath her but the other two are solid, gripping her confidently as she fishes through the pocket of her scrubs. They lower her slowly and Lexa peeks over her shoulder with a grin.

“Yes, darling?” she says sweetly but Clarke isn’t fooled by the innocent smile. She grips her phone in her scrubs pocket and holds it out to the woman. Tiny fingers snatch it from her hand and she can hear bare feet slapping against the pavement. “Any last words?”

“Yes, I have something to say. Aden, you bloody traitor, how dare you break your promise! I’m going to-” She doesn’t get to finish her sentence because, before she knows it, she’s flying through the air and into the icy water of the pool. She surfaces with a scream and a sputter. The slap of the water against her skin shocked her so much that she gasped underwater and took in a nose full of the pool. Lexa and Aden are inconsolable at the side of the pool. They’re both grasping their stomachs and pointing between snorts of laughter.

Clarke scrambles for the ladder and barely manages to come out of the pool with a huff. “Holy Christ! Why is the water so cold? What did you guys do to our pool? It feels like imported glacier water from arctic hell!” Their daughter has returned to her side with a large towel, draping it over her mother before planting a kiss on her forehead. “Thank you, Anya. You’re obviously the only one that loves me.”

“Mommy, I have a secret to tell you.” Her brown hair is wild around her head and Clarke tries to calm it but it only gets fuzzier. The thick mane looks exactly like her mother’s in this light, the only difference now is that Lexa’s is up and braided sporadically. The little girl bends down and rests on her knees as she cups Clarke’s ear in her hand. “Uncle Aden did it.”

“Lies!” Aden says loudly. He scrambles to sit up as he raises a fist at the younger girl. “I don’t want to fight you Anya but I won’t stand this attack on my character!”

“But you did! He brought all the ice and dumped it in the water so it would be extra cold!” the little girl says furiously, hands balled into fists at her sides.

“I would never!”

Their daughter’s righteous fury begins to boil over at Aden’s taunting. She takes a running leap and she on him, landing tiny punches along his ribs and stomach. He squeals dramatically and tries to run away, only to be forced back down as Lexa grabs his arms and pulls them up, exposing his ribs. Anya tickles him furiously until his cries for mercy are indistinguishable from the laughter.

“Say you like to sniff farts!”

“Gross, no!”

“Say it, uncle! Or I’ll tickle you forever and ever!”

“OK. Anya likes to sniff farts!”

“No!”

Clarke smiles widely as she leaves the trio by the pool. She makes her way into the house, dropping her wet scrubs as she goes until she’s only in her tank top and panties. Once inside, the cool air causes goosebumps to raise on her moist skin and she runs to the bathroom to hop in the shower. The hot water seems to wash most of the stress of her day away. She emerges clean and feeling like a brand new woman. Lexa is in the bedroom looking out the window when Clarke comes out of the bathroom. She’s still in her black bikini, shadows dancing across her toned stomach as she turns to face Clarke.

“Come look at these two,” she says quietly because the window in front of her is open. A breeze floats in, bringing with it the scents of grass and cooked meat.

When Clarke looks through the window, she sees Anya and Aden on opposite ends of the yard. Both with lit sparklers, they’re swinging their arms around wildly, ducking and dodging to either side as they swing the fireworks in their hands at the other. “You let her watch way too much Harry Potter…” Clarke says it with a smile and Lexa wraps a warm hand around her waist. Aden falls finally, clutching his used sparkler with both hands as he falls to the ground. Anya’s goes out shortly after and she approaches him slowly. He suddenly launches up and takes off after her with a roar.

“No uncle, you’re dead!” she says as she dives under the trampoline and back up her tree house ladder. She doesn’t make it very far up before Aden plucks her off the steps and tickles her ferociously. Her giggles are interspersed between panicked thrashing as the young man swings her wildly around the yard.

“God, I love those two.” Clark says as she leans into Lexa’s shoulder. The comfort of the pose could put her to sleep. She feels her eyes closing slowly until she realizes she’s falling. Faster and faster down a dark hole until she slams into consciousness.

 

**_The forest_ **

****

Clarke opens her eyes slowly. The cool pre-dawn air tickles her throat as she sits up and wipes the sleep from her eyes. The cave is dark but she still manages to make out the still forms of the two younger soldiers and Gustus on the rocky floor. She turns to sit on her knees to crawl out of the opening of the hole but her hand meets a warm body next to her. She almost panics and draws the hand back swiftly before realizing the evenly breathing figure is Lexa. She hadn’t even noticed her lying flat on her stomach next to her. She tries to remember the taller woman scooting close to her in the night but she can’t even remember falling asleep.

“It’s rude to stare, Clarke.” A smile slides across Lexa’s face as she whispers it and Clarke jumps at the sudden spoken words. She slaps a hand over her mouth to keep her surprised yelp in. Lexa opens one eye at the movement and peers at Clarke from the warmth of her crossed arms. “Good morning to you too.”

Clarke puts a single finger against the warm lips to silence her and Lexa kisses it softly. Her heart flutters at the light touch. There are dark circles under her eyes but Clarke can see that she’s relieved to wake up to Clarke next to her. She feels a similar emotion but then finds herself thinking again of what happened between them the night before. _Lexa just chose me… after all the fighting and the stubbornness, she gave up her wife, her life, just like that. It couldn’t have been a spur of the moment thing. At least, I’m really really hoping it wasn’t._ Clarke points outside and slips over Lexa’s hips on her way to the door. She tries not to get distracted at how the armored form felt under her thighs and refuses to imagine how it would feel to have nothing between them. Lexa seems to be thinking the same thing because she shakes her head roughly before stretching and shuffling into the grey morning.

Clarke hears a high whistle from behind them and Carl Emerson emerges from the brush at the edge of the ravine. He’s covered his face in mottled black paint and he waves a hand at Clarke to get her attention. She waves back quickly before Lexa makes a returning whistle and he begins to descend the steep dirt walls.

When he makes his way to the ground, he holds a small drawstring bag out to his commander. The bottom is stained a dark purple and drips sporadically. Lexa takes it and dips caution fingers into the top. She pulls out a single berry and pops it into her mouth. She nods and hands off the bag to Clarke who does the same. The juice is sweet on her tongue and she can’t help reaching into the bag for a couple more before giving it back to Emerson. Her stomach rumbles quietly when she finishes them. Clarke hasn’t had anything to eat since the toast her mother made her yesterday morning and she didn’t even get all of that. Her stomach is protesting angrily at its emptiness and Emerson and Lexa both give her a pointed look as she grips her belly. He hands the bag back to her and the commander begins to lay the plans for the day.

“How does it look?”

“No movement, commander. It was quiet all night.”

Lexa place her hands behind her back and nods. “Do you think you can get Gustus and the others safely back to Polis from here?”

“Of course I can. But you’re coming with us, right?”

Clarke steps toward Lexa as she chews her berries silently, suddenly very interested in the turn of the conversation.

“I won’t be coming with you back to camp. Neither will Ms. Griffin most likely. We’re taking the prisoner and going ahead to find the missing scout party. He knows where they were taken and he’s going to take us there. But you need to get Gustus and the others back to Polis to warn Indra of what happened here. Tell her she needs to gather as many survivors as she can and pull back into the city.”

 _At least she’s given up trying to leave me behind._ Emerson doesn’t say anything at first, only looking between his commander and the brave civilian girl who suddenly wandered into their lives.   “So, you’re going off into the wilderness by yourself with an enemy and an untrained young woman at your side, leaving Indra in charge after half of your garrison just got _attacked_ by a large and surprisingly well-armed militia? Is that what I am hearing?”

“Emerson,”

“So you’re just going to run to your death? Commander, this is suicide! Obvious suicide! If you want to off yourself, there are faster ways-”

“You are out of line, private,” Lexa says as she takes a step toward the other man. Her voice is low and Clarke can almost hear the quiet snarl building in her stomach. “It is not your job to question my orders, soldier, but it _is_ your job to follow them.”

Emerson stands tall against Lexa’s glare. His cheeks are red with embarrassment but he takes the scolding and nods quickly at the statement. “Now, if you are done questioning my decisions, you are dismissed. Return to the cave and wake one of the others to stand watch. You will need to rest because you are going to lead the others through the night and most likely return to Polis tomorrow evening. Also, wake the prisoner. Clarke and I will be back to retrieve him shortly.”

Clarke watches Emerson clench his jaw as the color darkens across his cheeks and forehead. He stands at attention only for a moment before huffing out a quick breath and shuffling back toward the hole in the side of the ravine. Lexa turns to watch him go and doesn’t turn back to Clarke until he disappears into the darkness of the cave.

“He is a wonderful soldier,” Lexa says as she turns to face Clarke, “But loyal to a fault. If you earn his respect, he will gladly give his life for yours. When he worries, he can be a little too… opinionated.” Lexa holds out a hand gesturing for Clarke to lead the way. She nearly reaches across the expanse to grasp the warm palm extended toward her but stops herself quickly. She leads Lexa back to the log where they spoke the night before and begins to pace across the length of the ravine.

Lexa simply stands and waits for Clarke to speak. She’s seen the display enough to know the best plan of action is to wait for Clarke to acknowledge her on her own. Lexa easily recognizes the soft pink blush across her cheeks and the way her forehead wrinkles as she decides how to form the words flittering through her head. Clarke suddenly stops in front of her, arms crossed tightly against the black breastplate.

“I think we need to talk.” Lexa nods solemnly at the words but still says nothing, respectfully waiting for Clarke to continue. “I mean, I just need to know what’s going on between us. I’m not doing this up and down rollercoaster bullshit with you and you know that. That’s not who we are. I want to be with you and now I know you want to be with me. But I can’t ignore the fact that you have a wife, Lexa. You’re still bound to her by law if not by love. Not to mention the fact that adultery, which is technically what we are doing right now, is highly frowned upon in our society. I don’t want to be a homewrecker but I also don’t want to just be your mistress. So, I guess what I’m trying to ask is what are we doing here? Are we going to go back after this and be together or are we just having a fun little tryst in the wilderness before returning to a life of lies?”

Lexa waits for Clarke to finish before making her way to the log to sit. She busies herself with tightening her combat boots before facing the woman across from her. The charcoal is smudged from last night’s skirmish but it’s still dark enough for Lexa to see the thick black mask across Clarke’s eyes. The war paint of Wanheda suddenly brings her back to that night in Polis, Clarke’s confident gait into the throne room mirrored in her eyes and the strong tilt of her chin, and Lexa was more proud of Clarke in that moment than she had ever been in any of their past lives.

“You have nothing to fear, Clarke. Costia and I will no longer be wed once we return to the city. She is pursuing a divorce as we speak. We decided that divorce would be best. I made a mistake marrying Costia but I would never disrespect her so much that I would have an affair with someone. Which is unfortunate because you would have made a wonderful mistress.” She flashes a grin at Clarke before returning to straighten the armor on her legs and arms. Her heart aches at the memory of holding Costia for the last time. She was shaking in Lexa’s arms, warm tears bouncing off the end of her nose between them. Or maybe they were Lexa’s tears.

Clarke feels the steam of her argument slowing at Lexa’s statement, the comment about her being a mistress begin momentarily forgotten. “Wait. So you’re not together? When did this happen?”

“Yesterday morning.”

“When were you planning on telling me this?” Lexa doesn’t answer and Clarke finds herself approaching the woman in front of her. She bends at the knee to squat in front of Lexa, looking into her averted green eyes. They’re cold and distant, a storm brewing beneath the surface that only Clarke can read. “Lexa?”

“I’m fine, Clarke.”

Clarke can see the frustration in her eyes so she backs away but doesn’t stand or take her eyes from the other woman. “It’s ok if you’re not. I’m sorry about the divorce.”

Lexa scoffs and shakes her head at the other woman. “I have a hard time believing that.” Clarke smiles back, accepting the forced teasing from her mate.

“Well, ending relationships is hard no matter what and I’m sorry you’re hurting. I know you… loved her.” Lexa has finally looked up and Clarke can see that the storm has left her eyes. She only sees a warm adoration looking back at her. Lexa stands and offers her hand to Clarke who takes it without hesitation. They don’t release their hold. Clarke feels Lexa’s thumb making soft circles on the back of her hand, causing goosebumps to raise on her arms under the armor.

“Thank you. I did love her. But we’ll have to grieve for my lost marriage on some other day. We need to get started. Aden is still out there and hopefully the rest of the scouts with him. I’m assuming you’re coming with me?”

“Obviously. Someone needs to watch your back.”

 

**_Somewhere far away_ **

****

He’s running as fast as he can down the side of the street but it’s not fast enough. Aden was the fastest runner in his class this past spring but his pursuers are older and their legs are longer. The bag on his back is heavy as it bounces back and forth with every pounding step he takes. He knows he’s close to safety if he can only power through so he pushes himself hard for the last ten feet to the stop sign. At the last minute he turns to the left and sprints halfway down the block. An opening in the wall appears next to him and he spins into it, hoping to trick his pursuers into continuing down the street. It almost works.

As he’s backing into the wall, a loud shriek erupts as he plants a foot firmly on the tail of a cat snacking on the garbage coating the floor of the alley. The sound startles him and he leans into the dumpster next to him as the cat runs out of the alley and into the street. The group of young men slows to a halt where the cat emerged from. Their forms cast long shadows down the alley in front of Aden and he feels like his heart is about to burst from the panic. He sprints between the buildings and finds himself alone and cornered like a trapped rabbit in the dead end. The group taunts him as they approach, toying with the boy like a cat with a mouse.

“Where’s my payment, nerd? I expect lunch money to be paid in full by 11:30 every day. Do you think hiding will keep you from having to pay the toll?”

“I don’t have any money, John.” Aden can feel the nausea building in his stomach as the group approaches. The boys are all older, most of them nearly men. They’re all red-faced and breathing heavily in the hot afternoon air. The humidity is almost stifling between the buildings and Aden can feel the sweat running down his neck.

The scraggly leader of the band only smiles at the statement. There’s sweat on his lip and he wipes it away with the back of his hand over his growing grin. “No money? He doesn’t have any money guys. Do you guys remember what we do to boys with no money? We take something better, right? But I’ll let you decide which is worth more. You can give me your bag and whatever is inside or we can beat the shit out of you and take the bag and your shoes and the money I know you have in your pocket.”

“Leave the kid alone, Murphy.”

Murphy’s followers all turn to see who dares to stand up to the group of bullies but John only grips the bridge of his nose in annoyance. “Of course it would be you. You’re getting a little predictable, Griffin.”

John finally turns and begins to make his way through his group of followers. Aden never moves but he watches as the group parts and the end of the alley is in full view. Another group of young people are huddled on the sidewalk, watching coolly as the group of young men make their way back out into the street. The one who spoke steps forward to the front of the group, followed closely by one tall guy and a dark haired girl. She’s confident as she steps forward to meet John Murphy at the edge of the street. Her hair flutters in a light breeze and she adjusts the bag on her shoulder as she motions at Aden to approach.

“Come on, buddy,” the boy next to her says as he walks through Murphy’s followers to grab him by the shoulder. Aden allows himself to be steered down the alley and into the middle of his rescue party. The young man never takes his hand off his shoulder and the blond and brown haired girls step between Murphy and the boy. The others step around him, completely surrounding him and blocking him from the view of the other group.

“I’m running out of patience for your little bullshit rescuer attitude, Griffin. I’ve done my best to leave you alone because of Finn but you’re really starting to test my limits.”

“That makes two of us. But Finn isn’t here anymore Murphy and I won’t just stand back and watch you torture people. I didn’t do it when he was alive and I won’t do it now.”

The two stand on edge, waiting for the other to make a move. The girl never wavers as she glares at Murphy, her head high and her blue eyes fiery with anger. Finally, the silence is broken by a set of squeaky brakes in the street. A patrol car pulls up and rolls down the passenger window slowly. Murphy is the first to look away and he steps off the curb as he does so, backing his group away from hers.

“Is there a problem here?” The young officer asks through his open window and Aden feels himself relax as Murphy’s group begins to make their way back down the street. The blond girl shakes her head as she looks into the window of the cruiser.

“No problem here, Lincoln. Great timing, by the way. I don’t think they would have given us any real trouble but I’m glad you showed up anyway.”

The young policeman gives a small smile at the blond girl and shakes his head. “Clarke, why are you always picking fights with people that are bigger than you? Isn’t that Octavia’s job? Who, if I recall correctly, still owes me some ice cream.”

The tension eases in the group of people around him and the grip on his shoulder releases as they all laugh. Another girl walks from the back of the group and into the street. As she leans into the window of the squad car, the teens around him all turn and face Aden together.

“Are you ok?” the blond girl, Clarke, speaks first and she tilts her head as she wait for him to answer.

“Yes,” Aden says slowly, feeling the gurgling in his stomach growing stronger with every second.

“You look like you’re going to barf. Are you going to barf?”

Aden doesn’t get the chance to answer before he’s running back into the alley to release his lunch behind the dumpster. When he turns, one of the boys has approached and is holding out a bottle of water to him. He quickly rinses his mouth and spits before returning to the group.

“Sorry…”

Clarke smiles and shakes her head. “Don’t be. I would have done much worse if I were in the same situation. What’s your name?”

He takes a quick swig of the water before answering, giving him the chance to look around at the group, “Aden. My name is Aden Woods.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Aden,” Clarke says as she holds her hand out, “My name is Clarke. The guy behind you is Wells, this is Raven and Bellamy, and that girl in the street is Octavia. Don’t you go to our school? You’re a freshman right?”

Aden knew the group before him looked familiar. These were the most popular kids in school! Wells and Raven have the second and third highest grades in the senior class and Bellamy, Octavia, and Clarke are all state champion athletes. All five of them have already been accepted into the best schools in the area because of their accomplishments.

“Uh, yeah, I’m a freshman. And you guys are seniors, like my sister.”

Wells and Raven exchange a confused glance at that for some reason. _Maybe they’re wondering why they don’t know who she is?_ Aden quickly tries to keep the conversation up so he starts to ramble to distract them. “You guys probably don’t know her. She’s only at school for archery and AP Psych. The rest of the time she’s taking college classes.”

Raven breaks out into a wide grin at this and lets out a low laugh. “Oh that’s perfect. Well it was nice to meet you but Octavia and I have got to run. Clarke, would you mind walking him home? You should definitely walk him home.”

“Uh, no, I don’t mind to walk him home but where are you guys going? Ray? Bell?” She’s started off after them but they have all piled into the back of Lincoln squad car and are drifting down the road. Clarke is in the middle of the street watching as the car turns around the corner and disappears from view. Aden watches her from the sidewalk, subtly looking up and down the street in case a car were to come flying around the corner. Still standing in the street and turns back to face the boy on the sidewalk. “That was weird. Well, which way to your house?”

“You don’t have to come with me if you don’t want to. I can make it home now. I just have to catch the next bus. I think that’s it.” As if on cue, the bus pulls around the corner of the block and lumbers down the road toward Clarke. Aden has to stop himself from reaching out to pull the girl back on the sidewalk beside him, even though he knows the bus will stop at least twenty feet away from where she stands.

“Curious-er and curious-er. That’s the bus I need as well. Do you mind if I ride with you?” Clarke’s smile is bright even in the afternoon sun and Aden blushes at the warmth of it. _She’s beautiful._ Her blond hair is falling in waves over her suntanned skin and the tail of her tank top is blowing back in the breeze. Her legs are long but the length is accentuated by the short running shorts she definitely couldn’t have worn to school. “Can I pay for your ride?”

“Oh, no!” Aden says quickly, “No, I’ll pay for it. I’ll never hear the end of it if I let you pay for my ride. Plus, you single handedly saved me from getting beat up by those guys. So it’s the least I can do. After you.”

Clarke smiles at the outburst from the young boy. She allows him to pay and takes a seat at the back of the bus, waiting for him to approach before she slides over to make room. Her purse looks more like a giant beach bag as she places it between them and starts digging. She slides cords and papers back and forth in the bottom of the bag before bringing out two small pieces of gum. She hands one off to Aden and pop the other in her mouth. He finds himself comforted by the simple act and he relaxes on the bench, letting his head roll back into the cool plastic seat. He feels a soft tap on his arm and he opens his eyes to see her holding out half of an earbud to him with that small sweet smile on her face. He takes it cautiously, waiting for the annoying peals of mainstream trash to fill his ears but is surprised by the soft synth pop he usually hears blasting from his sister’s bedroom.

The rest of the ride passes in unusually light and chilled out conversation. Clarke is easy-going and she has a sunny sense of humor that makes Aden forget about his terrible day at school. She occupies their time by asking him about how he is doing in his classes and what he does in his spare time. He tells her about fencing and how his parents aren’t home very much so the only true family he’s ever known is his older sister. She ends up inviting him and his sister over for her end of the school year party in a couple weeks and he agrees to go a little too enthusiastically. He’s genuinely sad when he sees his stop coming up but grins widely when Clarke stands with him and starts to gather up her things.

“No way. You don’t live around here do you?” His voice is light but he can’t help the disbelief that spills over into the statement.

She surprises him by laughing out loud to the question and nodding her head. “Actually, I live right down there. In the cul-de-sac. You can actually see my room from the bus. But I’m still walking you to your house. Especially since we’re actually neighbors.”

Once they’re off the bus, they walk two houses down in the opposite direction and through a small white gate. Clarke takes in the view of the quaint white house openly. Aden is almost embarrassed by the difference between their two blocks, with the houses near Clarke’s being imposing and regal while the ones on either said of Aden’s house were… not so.

Once he realizes he forgot his house key this morning, along with his lunch money and homework, he begins pounding on the door furiously to get his sisters attention. He knows she’s most likely going to be buried in her school work with her headsets or stereo blasting and the only way he can get her attention is with the vibrations from his angry kicks on the door. Surprisingly, her light steps sprint down the hallway before he can really get into the fight with the door.

“Aden, have you lost your mind? You scared me to death! What the hell are you-”

Lexa stops short in the middle of berating her brother when she sees he’s not alone, taking a huge step back into the house. Her eyes grow huge as she looks between her brother and the young woman behind him. He can see the color flowing up to her cheeks

“Sorry sis. This is Clarke. She goes to our school. She saved me from an ass whooping on the way home. Clarke, this is my sister-”

“Holy shit.” Aden stops short at that comment and finally notices the look passing between the two young women. Lexa’s bright pink cheeks are mirrored by Clarke, who is staring open mouthed at his sister. Clarke’s bright blue eyes are wide as she looks Lexa up and down on the stoop while Aden waves his hand between the two. The movement brings Clarke out of her trance and she closes her mouth with a snap. None of them move for a moment, stretching the awkward silence on for five, ten, then fifteen seconds. Lexa is the first to move, to Aden’s surprise, and she extends a hand as she steps into the space next to him on the steps above Clarke.

“Hello Clarke. It’s nice to finally meet you. Thank you for helping my brother today. Would you like to come in? I would like to properly thank you for what you did.”

Aden watches in amazement as the other girl steps up to his sister boldly and takes her hand without hesitation. “Yeah I’d love to come in. I mean, it would be cool. It’s nice to meet you too, Lexa. I think I recognize you now. Aren’t you on the debate team?”

Now it’s Aden’s turn to be shocked as the girls pass him and make their way into the house. They turn into the kitchen without sparing a glance in his direction. _What! You’ve got to be kidding me! How is it that I am the one to bring a hot girl home and she falls for my sister the first time she sees her? This has got to be the worst day ever._ He takes a quick steps into the doorway but finds the floor is no longer where it should be. He falls head over heels for miles before he crashes back into his body on chilled concrete floor.

 

**_Somewhere up north_ **

 

_Well, that was new…_

His shoulder is burning again. The nanos are working overtime to heal his broken scapula, leaving a burning fever running up his neck and down to his fingertips. He opens his eyes to look across the empty cell at the pool of blood where Lincoln was when he lost consciousness. He’s surprised that even lost consciousness at all because the nano tech in his body usually prevents him from ever passing out due to injury.

He doesn’t have long to consider his situation before the amount of trauma he’s actually gone through starts to become obvious as the stabbing pain begins to erupt from all over his body. The pain in his shoulder has gone from burning to gut wrenching and he grits his teeth so hard he thinks they might crack.

Sounds begin to come back to him now over the loud ringing in his skull. He hears a hard thud and then a muffled scream followed by shriek upon shriek in the rooms next to his. He tries to decipher what they’re saying or even recognize the voice but he can’t hear any familiar noises coming from the persons on either side. He holds back the guilty tears and distracts himself from their tortured screams by trying to sit up straight on the floor. He doesn’t make it because of the protesting in his abdomen so he settles back into the spot he woke up in.

He feels a tickle in his throat and begins to cough into the dusty floor. Black blood splatters across the pavement and coats his lips and chin. He reaches up and wipes the blood away with his good arm and tries to assess the extent of his injuries.

_Left scapula shattered, multiple bones in left hand shattered, right tibia fractured, at least three ribs fractured, bruising in multiple organs, internal bleeding… This is definitely the worst day ever._

He tries hard to ignore the screams coming through the vent next to his face but he soon starts to imagine he recognizes the voice. That it’s Lincoln and he’s being tortured for information he doesn’t have. He screams for one long note and then finally stops suddenly, hopefully passed out but most likely dead. He can’t hold back the tears now and he lets the blood stained water run down his face slowly. In the new silence he can hear his labored breaths and the sound of the teardrops smacking the floor.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry Lincoln…”

 

**_South of the enemy_ **

****

“What do you mean, you don’t know how to get there?” Lexa puts daggers into the question, obviously making their young captive question his words. He’s pale as he stutters out a quick reply.

“I n-need a map.”

Before he even finishes the word, Lexa has her knife out and under the boys chin. A thin dot of blood pops out of the skin and coats the tip of the blade pressed hard against his flesh. “I’ll tell you what you need, boy-”

“Lexa, stop! Just lead us north.”

“Clarke-”

“Lexa! Please. Just lead. We can’t find them in time without him.” Clarke watches her nostrils flare in her frustration as she places a calming hand on her arm. Lexa bares her teeth in frustration as she takes the knife away from his throat. She swipes the fresh blood across his shirt and stalks into the trees ahead of them, leaving them both quivering. Clarke feels the heat of her anger growing at the incompetence of their captive but swallows it down for the sake of the mission. _Do it for Aden, Clarke. Do it for her brother. Do it for_ your _brother._

“Thank you, Clarke. You seem to be the only thing-”

“Shut the fuck up. You do not get to call me Clarke. I have no name to you. We are not friends. I’m keeping you alive because I need you but as soon as you become a burden instead of an asset, you’re dead. I’ll string you up and drain you like you did to my friends back there. So if you’re playing at some game, it’s not a very smart one. Now, I’m going to ask you once more, can you take us where we need to go?”

He gulps and the blood drips further down his throat as he nods quickly. Clarke grabs him by the shoulder and shoves him through the trees where Lexa disappeared. He stumbles through the brush, much like she did when she first landed on earth. Unused to the need to travel without being detected. He seems to find every twig in their path.

With every snap and rustle of leaves under his feet, Clarke finds herself becoming more and more aware of the surrounding forest. The wind brings scents of musk and sap and dirt into her nose. The vibrations of her captive’s steps and that of the woman ahead of her can be felt in the dirt when she stops to tighten her laces. She realizes her senses have finally come alive in the wilderness, giving her information she would have never known otherwise. She breathes in deeply and a new scent coats the back of her tongue. She realizes it tastes like moist air. Rain? It’s distant but growing stronger with each second.

 _“Klark, skaikrasha ste komba raun,”_ Lexa says from ahead, her voice weaving in and out of the trees surrounding them. Lexa’s easy use of Trigedasleng in this life takes Clarke by surprise. It takes her a moment to recall her elementary level of the language so she can translate it. Her smile is soft as she recalls those days in Polis. Surrounded by Lexa and her people, she had started to feel more at ease among the grounders than she ever would have in Arkadia. It made her want to stay. So she started to make a point of listening to the men and women around her. Soaking up as much of the language as she could. Once she recalls enough to understand the statement she grabs the boy’s arm and slows his pace.

“I know. What should we do?” Clarke has pulled their captive to a stop and set him on the ground at her feet. He visibly jumps when Lexa falls from the branches above them. She lands softly in the dirt and starts to pull twigs out of her braids.

“Gather food and water. Then find a good place to set up camp. Did he tell where we need to go?”

“No,” Clarke says as she approaches to grab a stray leaf Lexa missed, “But I know you know the area so, when we find shelter, you’re going to draw him a map. He doesn’t want to die today so he’s going to do everything he can to remember the coordinates or the location of the fort. Right, Tanner?”

He doesn’t answer but neither of the women expected him to. Lexa moves away from him and Clarke follows. Once they’re out of earshot, Lexa turns to face Clarke in the shadows of the wood. “I don’t trust him.”

“I don’t either but he’s the only chance we’ve got at finding Aden quickly. But if he’s just trying to distract us, we can just leave him. He can’t even find the way back to his own people. He probably couldn’t make to the cave we slept in last night.”

Lexa’s eyes tighten as she looks the young man up and down. He’s standing now, calling into the distance like he thinks they’ve left him behind. He stumbles around in the clearing before finally settling back into the dust. “I think that’s exactly what he wants us to think. Come, there’s a spring up ahead where you can gather water. I know you’re just as dehydrated as I am and if we’re feeling it, he definitely needs water. It’s not one hundred percent clean but it will have to do for now.”

They make their way back to the boy and help him off the ground. Lexa leads the way again, making sure to blaze a quiet trail ahead of them. Tanner still manages to sound like he’s rolling through the wood rather than walking. They finally make it to the spring and Clarke and Lexa dip their hands deep into the cool water, drinking long gulps to satiate the thirst they didn’t even know they had. Tanner stands behind, licking his lips but never moving from his spot behind them. Clarke notices and turns to face him. “You can drink. It’s not clean but it’s fresh. I know you’re thirsty.”

He only shakes his head. “I won’t drink after you. It’s been contaminated. I know this is all a part of your plan to infect me again.”

“Suit yourself,” Clarke says slowly, bending back down to take another gulp before washing her face with the clear water. Her response seems to confuse him but he shakes his head like he’s trying to physically dismiss all unsure thoughts from his mind.

When Lexa finishes, she helps Tanner ease onto the ground next to the quiet stream. “Stay,” she says sternly, putting her hand out to the boy like you would a dog.

“I may not be a nano head but I’m not stupid.”

“You’re stupid for not being a nano head,” Lexa says fiercely. Clark gives her a look but doesn’t say anything. “But seriously don’t move. I will tie you up and make you sleep in the rain. Clark could you walk with me for a moment?”

They walk into a thick copse of trees and Lexa takes the backpack full of supplies they split with Emerson’s group off her shoulder. She also takes her sword out of its sheath and passes it to Clarke handle first. “Take this and the bag of supplies. I’ll take Aden’s bow and try to find some game. I hate to leave you alone with him but we can’t exactly bring him and expect to see any animals. He’s already scared off about everything within a mile radius of our location.”

Clark takes the bag and passes the handful of arrows to Lexa. “Stay safe,” Clarke says softly, “and come back to me.”

Lexa gives Clarke a small smile and places the arrows and bow on the ground gently. With one hand on Clarke's neck and the other on her lower back, she closes the space between their bodies with a gentle kiss. Her lips are warm and comforting. She pulls away too soon and Clarke presses their foreheads together to try to make the moment last.

“Nou get yu daun, Klark. I always come back. Just watch your back while I’m away.”

“I will. You be careful too. Don’t do anything overtly brave while you’re out there.”

Before Lexa can give Clarke the chance to change her mind about leaving, she turns away and glides into the forest, a shadow in the growing dark.

_I guess I’ll set up camp…_

Lexa tries to not let her frustration at the storm and her _branwada_ captive affect her aim. She takes a calming breath as she notches an arrow and tracks the nearest animal with her eyes. The steady breeze brings the musky scent of the herd of elk down to her position in the tree line. The nearest cow is quite the distance away and uphill to boot so she adjusts her aim to make up for her poor position and waits. A sudden movement catches her eye and she lets the arrow fly. The rabbit dies and the herd scatters before her as she approaches the corpse.

_This will do fine. Maybe I can catch a few more on the way back. I suppose it’s better than wasting most of an elk._

She feels herself falling back into her old grounder habits. Tracking and hunting the elk had been easier than it ever was. She can smell the changes in the forest taking place, preparing for the big change of winter to spring. Even now, with all the old sights and smells occupying her thoughts, she can’t help but keep her senses open to every out of place sound and vibration around her. As if a pack of reapers will come howling out of the forest after her at any moment.

_Or something else just as terrible._

As she stalks between the trees with another arrow ready, she thinks about Clarke and whether her return has anything to do with Lexa’s return to her Trigedakru ways. It’s possible that she is subconsciously wishing she could return to that life and, as a result, is trying to pick up right where they left off. Her Trigedasleng has been appearing habitually. Like she never stopped speaking it in the first place. It’s comforting but mostly frightening. More than anything, Lexa does not want a repeat of that last life.

In a flash, she lets loose another arrow and a fat squirrel falls into the brush. Once it’s tied onto her belt, she starts to make her way back to the spring where she left Clarke. The clouds have moved close enough for Lexa to watch the streaks of lightening flash through the blue-grey behemoth through the leaves. It’s still looks a ways off but she hurries back to the spring where she left Clarke and the boy. In a few minutes, a small fire can be seen flashing in the distance.

_There’s no movement…_

Lexa takes her remaining arrows in her hand and stealthily moves around the perimeter of the camp. She sees that Clarke had time to set up the single tent and another makeshift shelter along with a strong little fire. _But where are they?_ Lexa can feel herself starting to panic. She squashes the feeling before it can mature into fear and determines to find them both quickly.

Loud snapping grabs her attention and her bow is drawn before the boy steps around the tree. He freezes and drops the shirt full of berries on the ground before throwing his hands in air.

“Where is she?” Lexa says dangerously as she pulls the arrow back further. He doesn’t answer out loud but only points back the way he came. “Hm, very well. Carry on.”

Lexa doesn’t look back at him as she walks quickly in the direction he pointed. She sees her bright golden hair before anything else. Clarke is deep in a thicket, fingers and lips stained a bright red from the juice. Her smile is bright against the red of her lips.

“Hey,” she says happily as Lexa steps out of the shadows. Lexa doesn’t hesitate to drop her weapons and pull Clarke out of the dense foliage once she’s within arm’s reach. She twists the other woman and to face her and smashes their lips together in a desperate kiss. Clarke responds instantly and drops everything to drape her hands over Lexa’s tense shoulders. Lexa continues to pull Clarke’s hips flush against hers, feeling the heat start to replace the fear she felt only moments ago. She brushes her tongue along the other girl’s lip and feels her moan at the feeling. Clarke opens her mouth and their teeth collide momentarily before Lexa’s tongue is exploring her mouth. She tastes like sweet berries and home. Her hands are tangled in Lexa’s hair and pulling just enough to make her thighs to go weak. Clarke shifts her leg between Lexa’s and applies the barest of pressure against her. Her hips involuntarily buck forward into Clarke’s leg and now it’s Lexa who releases a soft moan into Clarke’s lips. When she opens her eyes, Clarke is smirking mischievously back at her.

“So, I’m guessing you missed me?”

Lexa tries to be upset at her impertinence but Clarke flinches and brings her leg into Lexa’s center again. So she settles for “Something like that,” and brings her own thigh between Clarke’s legs. She worries for a second that she may have hurt her when Clarke cries out and buries her face in Lexa’s neck but dismisses it when she feels Clarke’s hips rock forward under her grip. Clarke nips along Lexa’s pulse point and she leans her head back to give her mate more access. A loud trampling awakens them from their dream as Tanner comes staggering out of the brush towards them.

“Hey Clarke, I couldn’t find the pan-Oh s-s-shit, oh my God! I am so sorry! Oh go-o-od,” the boy begins to stutter as he stumbles away from the pair quickly. Lexa and Clarke remain frozen where they were found, with Clarke grinding against Lexa’s thigh as she kisses her neck.

“Nomonjoka,”Lexa says under her breath as the boy’s red face disappears from her view. Clarke tilts her head and Lexa feels her face growing brighter under the scrutiny. She almost hopes Clarke doesn’t remember what that means.

Once the sounds of the boy’s retreat have faded, Clarke continues her path up Lexa’s throat and across her jaw. She slowly pulls her thigh from between her legs and backs away from the knee underneath her. Lexa doesn’t let their lips separate, only their bodies. She brushes their noses together and Clarke chuckles at the heat coming off their cheeks.

“Of course that would happen to us. Of course.” Clarke says as she extends a hand to Lexa. She leads them back to the camp where Lexa sits across from Tanner and begins to skin the animals she killed. He doesn’t took up from the pot of water boiling on the fire, even after it starts to boil over.

Lexa finally can’t stand it any longer and she calls out to him as she’s placing the meat over the flames to cook. “Heya, natrona. Your clean water is boiling over. Drink up then come see me. I’ll draw you a map so I know which way we’re going tomorrow.”

“My name is Tanner,” the boy says slowly, “Not Natrona or nomo whatever.”

Lexa doesn’t deign to reply, only grabbing her sword and sheathing it before squatting in the dirt to draw out a map.

_I’ll figure you out, Tanner. I’ve lived too many lives to not recognize a spicha at first sight._

Lexa feels the ground shake under her heels and she throws a quick glance back at Clarke, who has busied herself with finishing their makeshift shelter. It’s going to be a long, cold night but she’s thankful she gets to spend it with her. _At least I have shelter. I don’t even want to think about what Aden and the others are going through._ But she knows she will.

Across the camp, Tanner shifts uncomfortably as the nail in his boot rolls awkwardly under the sole of his foot. He stares hatefully at Lexa’s back and imagines driving it through her eye socket while she sleeps.

**_Polis Training Facility_ **

****

“Have you found any more signs of survivors? Any smoke or flares?” Indra continues to pace back and forth across the communications room floor. Only a handful of soldiers have made their way back to Polis so far, none with any information on the commander or Gustus. Indra is torn between sending out another search party and pulling the entire camp out of the area. On the one hand, there may be soldiers who are injured and can’t make it back to camp on their own. But on the other hand, their camp may be watched and they have no way of defending themselves if she sends the rest of the fully trained soldiers away.

“Lieutenant! We have movement on the monitors!”

She’s hovering over Echo’s shoulder in an instant. The view on the screen takes up her mind completers and when the camera finally focuses, she almost feels herself smile. Almost.

“Get them in here now! Call in a medic and bring the most senior soldier to me. And call the council and inform them that we have more survivors. With still no sign of the commander or Ms. Griffin.”

A few moments later, a sleep deprived private stumbles into the building.

“Private Carl Emerson reporting for Lieutenant Gustus, ma’am.”

 

**_Somewhere up north_ **

****

His internal bleeding has finally stopped but the bones need just a little more time. He had an escape plan in place before they brought Lincoln back to the cell. He is unconscious still and probably will be for a few days if they leave him alone. Now he’s rethinking the whole thing since he’ll have to any Lincoln on his back. Leaving him behind was never even taken into consideration.

_Now, if I can only move my shoulder enough take out the guard…_

__The door opens with a solid creak and Aden freezes in his position.

_Crap…_

__He closes his eyes quickly and counts the heavy steps as they approach. At nine Mississippi, he launches a leg out and catches the man in his stomach. He waits for the huff of breath and the thud of their weight hitting the floor but nothing happens. He’s wrenched up from the floor and into the air before he can even look up. When he opens his eyes, he’s face to face with a familiar looking man. His maniacal grin sends chills up Aden's spine.

“Looks like you’re ready for round two.”

Suddenly, he’s falling back into the concrete floor and he slams into it so hard, he feels his jaw dislocate and his eye socket shatter in two places. A boot is placed on the back of his head. The pressure builds and builds until he cries out and sees stars. At last, the boot is gone and his vision slowly comes back.

“Oh no. No rest for you, little Natblida. Ai heda wishes to have a word…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I'm really sorry. I've been going through lot of big changes that I won't go into detail about. But just know I'm sorry for going AWOL. Please forgive me! 
> 
> Trigedasleng translations  
> Klark, skaikrasha ste komba roun- Clarke, a storm is coming.  
> Nou get yu daun, Klark- Don't worry, Clarke  
> branwada- worthless, foolish  
> Nomonjoka- motherfucker  
> Heya, Natrona- hey, traitor  
> spicha- liar  
> Natblida- Nightblood, Blackblood  
> Ai heda- my commander
> 
> One last thing, sorry if my translations are off! I did my best!


	8. In the image of God he created them

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the story continues!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all probably thought I forgot huh? nope, didn't forget. just went through some shit but i'm back. I'll be trying to finish this ASAP.
> 
> This is my inspiration for the first scene.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9TZYvud_ngY
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy!!!

**_Somewhere far away_ **

****

Lexa is wandering through the performing arts building in search of her rehearsal coordinator. _He said his office is on the third floor, room 357._ She looks at the nearest plaque and the room number reads 302. _Damn it all._

      She doesn’t even want to be doing the stupid rehearsal. She was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time when she was caught playing the piano by her music history teacher. For some reason, he was leading a tour through the old auditorium at the exact time she was taking a few peaceful minutes out of her hectic day. The very auditorium that she was told would be empty, save for the janitor who had already agreed to allow her to play in peace.

      When the group rounded the corner and stepped onto the stage in front of her, she had jumped in surprise and let loose a small yelp. Her hands quickly flew from the keys in front of her to the bag at her side where she kept a small bottle of mace. “Easy!” Her professor said as his hands flew up in surrender, “We come in peace, oh mighty warrior!”

      Her face burned with heat at the teasing but she calmed at the familiar face smiling down at her. She slowly released the mace and sat back on the bench with an angry thump. Her face was stone as she look at the group at his back. “Um, how about you guys go look back stage? But don’t touch anything! If you break it, you buy it.” The cluster of teens slowly drifted off behind the curtain at the back of the stage as he turned back to Lexa with a wide grin.

      “You play well, Woods. I didn’t know you were a musician,” he had said in his soft lilting voice. Lexa remembers shaking her head at that as she stood to leave. “It’s just a hobby,” she had said as she walked by him. Before she could reach the doors leading to her exit, his voice called across the empty space after her.

      “If you’re interested in some extra credit, I have a little bit of a proposition for you.”

 _So much for that safe haven,_ she thinks to herself as she wanders further down the hall. The room numbers start to slowly jump up but, as she looks at her watch, she realizes she’s three minutes late. She turns the corner and hears giggling and muffled talking from a room with a light shining through out into the hallway. She decides the best way to find the office at this point may be to ask for help so she begins to walk down the long hall swiftly. _Anyone that finds themselves here after hours on a Friday probably knows a little more than I will. At least I hope so._ Before she gets close to the open door she hears a loud voice echoing out the doorway.

_"Let me hear you say hey Mrs. Carter.”_

      “Hey Mrs. Carter!” A voice screeches out of the room ahead, causing Lexa to jump nearly out of her shoes. Her shoulder bag slips but she manages to catch it before it drops to the ground.

      “Jesus Christ, Raven! Every damn time? Really?”

      “Seriously Ray! Why? You scared the crap out of me!”

      “Sorry, sorry! Bey gets me a little excited.”

      “What the hell…” Lexa says softly, adjusting herself before continuing down the hall.

_“Say heeey Mrs. Carter.”_

      She turns into the doorway as the bass drops and sees three young women facing a large mirror that dominates the far wall. They’re all glistening and their tank tops are sticking to their backs as they drop to the ground with the beat. The dark haired women are both beautiful. Lexa can see they’re thin but toned from the way their yoga pants are hugging their curves, but the one that dominates her attention instantly is the woman in the center. Her hair is bright gold and loose around her shoulders and Lexa can see the deep blue of her eyes reflecting in the mirror. She whips her hair back and forth as she turns and dips to the beat and Lexa can’t take her eyes off of her.

      The three women don’t seem to notice her standing there so she moves her body out of sight but continues to peek around the frame at the group. They never take their eyes off their reflections and Lexa can see that their focus does not go unrewarded. Their movements are sharp and the group is one hundred percent in sync with each other, every pop and turn on point. She loses her train of thought for a moment as the group spreads their legs as they drop to the floor, grinding into the hardwood below them for a half a beat. The blond girl’s breasts barely scrape the floor and Lexa is watching so intently that she sees the shirt catch momentarily and pull down to reveal a lacy black bra. _Ok, maybe that wasn’t grinding but- oh my-_ She’s lost again as the girl turns and runs her hands through her hair before rotating her hips slowly at the mirror.

      Suddenly Lexa is much too warm in her navy blazer. Her business casual attire has honestly never been this stifling. She aches to remove the blazer but loathes taking her eyes from the woman in front of her. At the same time she’s deciding to leave it on, she realizes what she’s been doing for the last sixty seconds. _Oh god, what am I doing? I don’t have time for this! I’m already late. Ok Ms. Woods, time to leave, just find the office… on… your own,_ Lexa think but suddenly finds she can’t move herself from the spot. As she watches, the blond girl motions with her finger in a “Come here” gesture at the mirror which causes a tingle to run down Lexa’s spine.

      All of a sudden, a memory pops into the forefront of her mind, overshadowing the beautiful show in front of her. _No way…_ Lexa instantly remembers her now. The hot blond girl is the same girl she shares an art history class with this semester. Of all the things to recognize, Lexa now distinctly remembers the first time she ever saw her make that motion.

      She was standing at the door on the first days of class, trying to figure out where to sit, when a lone beautiful girl points and motions at her to come closer. She didn’t do move from her spot but she did say, “Me?” and was terribly confused as the girl began to laugh. A boy had popped around from behind her and made his way to the desk next to the blonde’s and Lexa had stormed up the staircase to the very back of the lecture hall where she still sits to avoid having to look at the highly attractive blond girl who embarrassed her for the first time in her adult life.

      Her face was as red then as it is now. _God, the only thing that could make this more embarrassing is if she sees me here._ Almost as if she had spoken the thought aloud, the blond girl’s eyes flit to the doorway and lock onto Lexa’s instantly. Her blue eyes go wide for only a second but she continues dancing, even seems to dance harder, as she stares through the mirror at the girl in the hallway. Thankfully, her friends haven’t seemed to notice but Lexa still feels the heat traveling from her neck all the way to her ears as the blond continues to rock her hips to the rhythm. With a teasing look in her eye, she opens her mouth slightly as she rolls her body back to the beat.

      Lexa feels a familiar sweet grip folding into her stomach and she realizes she’s extremely turned on from watching this other girl dance. A slickness has coated her panties and she subconsciously closes her thighs to keep it from dripping between her legs. She doesn’t want to but she forces herself to turn from the room as the music starts to slow. _Ok, abort, abort, abort mission now!_ She nearly runs down the hallway as she hears pounding feet coming after her.

      “Hey, wait a second!” the voice is familiar and it only makes her rush faster toward the safety of the elevators. She comes around the turn and nearly runs down a professor with a handful of papers. She doesn’t stop to apologize as she shoots her hand between the elevator doors and jumps inside, pounding on the close door button before she’s come to a complete stop. She doesn’t look up as she hears the other girl slam hard into the professors back, sending papers and coffee flying towards the closing elevator door.

      Finally, she’s alone and descending towards the first floor. Her face, neck and chest are still burning with embarrassment. _Holy shit, what have I done?_ The elevator dings as it approaches the first floor and Lexa feels the metal box shudder as it comes to a stop. The door opens up to a white void and she takes a step down into the whiteness. She falls slowly at first but is descending faster and faster when she sees a small spot in the distance below her. It grows too quickly and she’s forced back into consciousness roughly by two hands gently shaking her shoulder.

 

**_The forest_ **

 

      “Lexa, wake up. It’s midnight. I hate to wake you up but I can’t keep my eyes open for much longer.”

      Clarke watches lovingly as Lexa shakes herself awake and cleans her eyes with the back of her hand. She smiles sweetly before stretching her arms above their heads. One hand hits the top of their shelter and her fingers poke through the wet boughs, disturbing the peace of the drenched branches making up the roof of their shelter. She pulls it back quickly and shivers at the dribbles of water that come down on their heads.

      “Wowza, that’s cold. That’s not the worst thing I’ve woken up to but it’s up there…” She stops as she sees Clarke raising an eyebrow at her. _She’s so cute. Where has she been my whole life?_ Her cheeks get brighter as Clarke bites her lip to hold in a giggle.

      “Wowza, huh?”

      Lexa’s blank mask falls over her face as she purses her lips into a thin line. “Mockery is not the product of a strong mind, Clarke.”

      Clarke can’t help the bark of laughter that comes out of her mouth at that and she smacks a hand over her lips before more can spill out. “Wowza, I’m getting a little bit of déjà vu here, Lex.” Sporting a huge grin, she leans across the space between them and plants a soft kiss on Lexa’s pout. “Don’t be mad. I thought it was cute. You should say it more.”

      Lexa turns her head to kiss her back. Clarke understands the urge completely so she moves closer to her mate. They sink into a quick embrace and Clarke nuzzles her head into Lexa’s neck. She inhales deeply and the scents of sap and dark cinnamon flood her nostrils. She goes dizzy from the onslaught. She moves her face back to the spot behind her ear for more and Lexa shivers in her arms. She turns her head away and Clarke’s lips brush the soft skin of her neck. They both sigh softly at the contact. Lexa stretches closer to Clarke’s lips, begging for her touch. Before Clarke can stop herself, her tongue is trailing down Lexa’s neck. She meets the top of her suit and rumbles angrily at the material.

      “Clarke.”

      She slips her hands along Lexa’s sides to her hips and attempts to pull her closer but is stopped by two hands shoved hard into her chest. It doesn’t hurt or knock her away but it’s enough to bring her back to her senses. She realizes they’re both breathing hard into the cold morning air, causing a fog to form around their heads.

 _"Yu souda chil yu au, Klark,”_ she says slowly, hands gripped tightly over the ones on her hips. But Clarke doesn’t want to calm down. She wants to forget about everything but the feeling of Lexa’s skin on her own. She keeps her hands locked in the other girl’s hips and feels herself rock forward when Lexa twitches under her grip.

      Clarke feels her control of the situation fading as Lexa raises herself above her position. As a last resort, she whines a pitiful, _“Beja-”_ before Lexa begins to peel Clarke’s fingers from her sides.

“Clarke, stop. We can’t do this right now.”

She barely stops her protest before it come bursting out of her lips. _She’s right. We’ve got bigger things to worry about. Just calm down._ Clarke doesn’t say anything to the other woman, only nods quickly before sitting back on her haunches.

      “I’m sorry. You know I’m sorry. If it were any other time or any other place…” Lexa stops as Clarke looks up at her and she smiles softly before brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. “I should have told you it would be like this. It’s your nanos Clarke. Your body is... adjusting to the machines and it can make you a little, oh how did Anya describe it... um, horny. Also, you’ll be a little fidgety, hotheaded, and impulsive.”

“Oh so that explains it. I thought I just liked you a lot. But don't be sorry, Lexa. You're right. We've got more important things to worry about.”

      “Yes we do. So we just need to be mindful of your emotional state for the time being. It happened to all of us when we got our first series. But the older agents at Mount Weather helped distract us-”

      Clarke almost feels her ears perk up at this and she can’t help how quickly her head whips up to look at Lexa. “Oh really?” She says roughly, rocking back onto her knees predatorily. Lexa notices and leans back to try to keep the distance but she meets the tree at her back. “How did they ‘distract you’, Lexa?” Clarke finds herself closing the distance before she can answer. She puts her hands against the tree on either side of Lexa’s head as she leans closer to the other girl. She feels a growl growing quietly in her chest as she imagines all the worst ways any of the other agents could have “helped” her mate cope with adjusting to what she’s feeling right now. Her heart is racing with fury at the thought of someone, anyone, touching the person who Clarke belongs with.

      “ _Klark._ ”

      “You’re _mine_.” The words are definitely a growl but Clarke can’t help herself now. She can feel Lexa’s pulse against her lips as she presses a soft kiss against her neck. She shivers at the touch so Clarke continues her way up.

      “I’m warning you,” Lexa says roughly as she tries not to melt under Clarke’s touch. Her knuckles as white as she grips the tree at her back tightly.

      Clarke doesn’t pause as she nips at her earlobe in response. “I’m warned,” she purrs, letting her breath tickle her ear. Clarke can feel the heat from Lexa’s crimson face and her soft pants as she leans her head against the tree. The exposure of her neck releases the dark cinnamon smell of lust and Clarke has to stifle a moan before leaning in to take in the scent more fully.

      While breathing in the scent, she feels a tight grip tug on her hair and finds herself looking deep into dilated green eyes. Lexa’s breathing is ragged as she lets out a soft whimper. “ _Em pleni, planripa_ ” she says sternly, but Clarke watches as Lexa’s eyes look hungrily between to her lips and her breasts.

      The look sparks the embers burning in Clarke’s stomach. Without thinking, she wraps her hands around Lexa’s waist and pulls herself between her thighs. Their bodies are pressed together tightly and they both gasp at the heat of the embrace. “Fuck, babe,” Clarke says breathlessly as she presses her forehead against Lexa’s.

      She opens her eyes as a low moan erupts from her mouth. Lexa bites her lip as she slowly rotates her hips into Clarke’s core. The movement makes her thighs quiver and she fiercely grips her mate’s waist as she rocks her hips forward again. Clarke is dizzy with excitement as she leans in to meet Lexa’s lips but a split second before they meet, Clarke feels herself tumbling backwards into the ground.

      Lexa pins her in an instant, her lifetime of training kicking in as she traps Clarke’s hands above her head. She locks her legs around Clarke’s waist and looks down at her triumphantly from above. The commander’s face is bright red but emotionless and her eyes are dark with arousal as she bends down. Her breath tickles Clarke’s lips as she whispers, “You’re not going to make this easy for me, are you?” The words are shaky but they still send tingles down Clarke’s spine. She bucks her hips into Lexa gently as an answer and smirks at the small gasp it elicits when their hips are pressed more fully together.

      Lexa bends down once more and hovers above Clarke momentarily before letting her hands glide down her arms. The touch is tender compared to what they’ve just done which frustrates Clarke to no end. She arches her back, aching for contact with the woman above her. Surprisingly, Lexa complies by gently lowering herself closer to Clarke.

      She’s so needy for her touch that her abs quiver when she feels the weight of Lexa on top of her. Every nerve in her body is pulsing with energy and she knows Lexa can feel it by the lopsided smirk she gives her. “This isn’t funny,” Clarke says curtly, turning her face away as she says it like it will hide the frustration leaking from her voice.

      “No, it isn’t,” Lexa says sweetly. She plants a kiss at the tip of Clarke’s nose before sitting up and untangling herself from their pile. “ _Reshop, Wanheda. Ai na ai raun,_ ” she says breathily before turning and crawling out of their stifling shelter and into the cold rain.

      The blast of moist air in Clarke’s face chills her heated skin and sends a massive shiver through her limbs. She huffs out a frustrated growl as the tarp closes behind Lexa, leaving her in the shelter alone. Lexa’s feet stomp across the camp and into the woods. Once the sound of her boots fade into the dripping rain outside, Clarke curls into herself on their bed of pine needles and tries her best not to squirm. _Just go to sleep Clarke. Don’t think about how awesome that was. Don’t think about sex. Fuck! Stop thinking about it… Damn you Lexa and your sexy moans._ Sleep refuses to come to her and she lays there recalling sweet memories of Lexa as she stares at the woven ceiling of their shelter.

 

      Lexa dunks her head into the icy water again and again trying to clear her mind of the extremely horny woman she just left in her shelter. She can feel bruises starting to form on her sides where Clarke held her. _Damn my logical brain. Damn it to hell._ Her mind starts to wander back to the desperate look in Clarke’s eyes and how it felt to feel the growl rumble up from her chest to hum solidly against Lexa’s throat so she dunks her face under the stream again.

      She comes up for air and rocks back on her heels at the edge of the water. The trees around her are silent except for the dripping of rain. She calms the storm raging inside her, trying to distract herself with the ebb and flow of the forest’s energy. She centers herself, feeling the surge of the water at her feet first, then beyond. Small animals dart among the debris, their vibrations microscopically different from pattering of the rain on the leaves. It calms her infinitesimally to feel the order of the natural world surrounding her but something else pricks at her subconscious. She searches further, straining to feel for anything that could be setting her on edge. She almost gives up until she cranes her neck to one side and there it is. She doesn’t move for fear of losing the sound because now she hears it clearly. A steady _ping_ , echoing slightly, bounces between the trees at her.

_A beacon._

      She gets up and fades into the trees. Her every step is swift and calculated, displaying the stealth and speed she’s perfected in her life as a NIGHTBLOOD agent. As she nears the sound, she leaps and twists herself around a branch above her. She pulls herself higher into the cover and waits as the ping nears her.

      She can hear and smell them now. Sweaty, unwashed man smell crawls up her nostrils and she has to hold her breath to keep from gagging at the tang of the scent. Their footsteps are thunderous in her ears but they seem to be moving swiftly across the rough forest floor. Not as swiftly as her but fast for the average person. When they appear below her, she can see their messy trail leading back through the forest. Crushed and twisted branches and debris litter the holes where their feet sunk deep into the mud. _Fools don’t even know how to hide their trails…_

      “We’re getting close. He should be dead asleep by now. Poor idiot should have offed himself after he deserted. I don’t like killing cowards. Too much begging. I like a clean kill myself. Now, you two, go on up ahead and see if he’s awake. I don’t want to have to chase him until dawn.”

 _Klark,_ Lexa thinks quickly and her heart starts to pick up its pace as two of the men make their way towards the camp. She leans to move after them through the treetops but the branch under her feet creaks softly under her shifting weight. She freezes, hoping the men below her didn’t hear.

      Out of the corner of her eye, she watches as one man freezes and turns slowly back toward her. His eyes never leave the ground but he walks until he’s directly under the branch she’s standing on. As slowly as she can, she crouches and shuffles to lean against the truck, flattening herself as much as she can.

      The man rummages in the bag at his side for a moment before removing a pair of thick goggles. Lexa hears a soft click and a high pitched whine as the little machine powers on. He swings them over his face and the bright green orbs begin searching through the branches. Her night vision is almost as good as the little binoculars strapped to his face so she knows any movement she makes could be caught by him. She stands as still as she can as he passes over her and back but even her nano enforced muscles can’t last forever. She knows she won’t be able to stand still for much longer.

      The other men are returning and she feels her legs tingling at straining to hold her weight in one place for so long. They pause to talk a few yards away and one of them calls out at the man beneath her. She doesn’t hear much of what they say because she’s focusing solely on her legs and keeping them from giving out beneath her. Suddenly a sharp whizzing steals through the air below her and a white hot pain bursts through the back of her leg.

      She can’t help the pained grunt that escapes her body. Her hand quickly finds the arrow lodged into the muscle. _Just the muscle, no bone._ Her adrenaline instantly clears her mind and she grips the tree trunk with her free hand to keep from falling to the ground. Another arrow lodges into the thick bark of the tree next to her head and her eyes whip around to see one of the men looking straight at her from the ground.

      “The next one is going into your stomach. Get down.”

      The pain is building as the nanos try to expel the foreign object from her body. She can feel the movement of arrow shifting back out the way it came, slicing back over the freshly severed nerves in her muscles. Before she can think about it too much, she bends quickly and shoves the head of the arrow through the other side of her leg. Her vision tunnels but she doesn’t stop as she snaps the shaft where it enters her body and throws it down to the ground. The men watching her don’t blink as she pulls the arrowhead from her leg. Pain bursts in colorful stars behind her eyelids and her head starts to spin but she still doesn’t lose focus. She feels herself losing her balance but doesn’t do anything to stop it as she falls heavily from the tree. Her body hits the ground with a loud thud. She lays there trying to catch her breath as they surround her.

      “Now, who’re you spying on, pretty girl?” The one who asked is the same one that shot her. He takes the end of his crossbow and props it under her chin. “What’s a girl like you doing in a forest like this?”

      “Shut the fuck up, Hoster. She’s tree crew. Probably a part of that unit we took out. Just tie her up. We’ll get rid of her after we deal with the deserter.”

      Lexa keeps her head low as they lift her. She cries out loudly as she puts weight on her injured leg and stumbles back onto her knees. They tie her hands behind her back and put a gag in her mouth before lifting her roughly from the ground.

      The knot that binds her is poorly done. She wriggles her wrists slowly to loosen it as they make their way back toward camp.

_Please be awake Clarke. Please be ready._

      Clarke doesn’t know exactly what it was that brought her back to the surface from her thoughts. It felt like an earthquake. Only a really tiny one. But it shook the earth beneath her head enough to bring her back to consciousness. She didn’t think twice as she crawled out of the shelter into the moist air outside.

      “Lexa?” Clarke waits quietly for a return call but hears nothing. Only the distant babbling of the stream. The fire is smoldering weakly at her feet, just as she left it when she woke Lexa earlier. She creeps to the single man tent and peeks in the top. Tanner is sleeping soundly inside.

      Clarke turns and notices the end of Lexa’s sheathed sword protruding from out of the tent. _She left her sword…_ stepping back toward the lean-to, she yanks back the tarp and sighs loudly. _And Aden’s bow. Dammit. She really was in a rush to get out of there. But where could she have gone?_ Suddenly, she realizes the silence is too thick. Like the air right before lightning strikes. Her hair is standing on end at the tension that surrounds her. She stills herself and she feels no movement in the forest around her. No animals, no wind. Only the steady pattering of rain on the ground.

      Clarke feels the noise before she actually hears it. Disturbances in the air, like ripples across a pond, tickle her senses. She whips her head around and waits for whatever she feels to come closer. She knows it is getting close. She can feel it in the way the air currents are moving around her now. _There_ , she thinks as her ear pricks at a new noise filling her consciousness. A soft beeping. Like a radar. Or a tracker. _Shit._

      Now she hears twigs and leaves snapping under heavy footsteps, loud strained breathing and something lighter. It’s the sound of low, even breathing followed by even heavier steps. They find every branch in their path and the snap of every break echoes through the woods.

      She grabs Lexa’s sword and straps it onto her belt before slinging Aden’s bow and the arrow quiver over her shoulder. She eases into the darkness of the trees surrounding their camp before realizing she left their captive sound asleep in the open. _Shit, there’s no time to go get him._ She looks back at camp one more time before fading completely into the shadows surrounding her.

      A few paces into the woods, she finds an ancient sycamore with a branch extending back toward the way she came and she launches herself up to try to scramble up the side. Her fingers barely scrape the bark and she falls back to the ground softly. Instinctually, she freezes and listens, straining to hear any new noises in the woods. _They’re too close._ She imagines they’re only yards away from seeing the mossy green of Tanner’s tent. She steps back and launches herself up again, using the trunk of the tree as leverage to finally grasp onto the thick branch. She pulls herself up with no struggle and scrambles around the tree as quietly as possible. The branch sticking above the camp is thick enough for her to move out across without it breaking so she goes out as far as she can before being left in the open.

      Before she’s settled, a group of men comes bursting into their small clearing. She freezes but none of them are looking up. Four men move swiftly toward the tent, only pausing to cut the tarp away so they can drag Tanner out by his feet. It takes him a minute to wake up but when he does, he only screams and thrashes for a minute before someone puts a boot in his gut to silence him.

      Clarke almost doesn’t notice the last two men entering the clearing. They walk calmly over to where Tanner is now propped onto his knees and drop another person onto the moist ground next to him.

      “Lexa!” she whispers furiously, yanking the bow and an arrow off her back. Her head is instantly filled with a deep red anger and she trains her sights on the man in front of her mate. She draws the bow back and breathes deeply, trying to calm herself to ensure the shot is perfect. She’s just about to release the arrow when Lexa’s eyes glance over the man’s shoulder and lock onto hers.

      Clarke watches as the green of her eyes goes from fearful to instantly relieved. She looks away calmly and gives an almost imperceptible shake of her head. Clarke doesn’t back down and Lexa gives a harder shake before meeting Clarke’s eyes again. She’s almost pleading with her and Clarke finally realizes she doesn’t want her to shoot. The men surrounding her are preoccupied with digging through their supplies so Lexa takes a chance and mouths _wait_ towards the girl in the tree.

      She knows she could take them. She and Lexa could both kill them all. But Clarke finally realizes she’s more likely to get Lexa killed by firing from the trees now than she would if she just wait. The thought angers her more than anything but she lowers the bow slowly, nodding to her mate before fading further into the cover of the trees. Her heart pounds beneath her ribs and she flutters her eyes to clear to tears that are now threatening to spill over.

 _Fuck, fuck, fuck!_ She curses over and over in her head, hoping her frustrated growls don’t travel far enough to the ground for the men to hear.

      “Find anything useful?” the leader of the group asks.

      One man with a large crossbow throws their shared backpack down in front of Lexa and spits on it. “Nothing,” he says hatefully, not bothering to wipe the spittle from the corner of his lips. “Survival supplies, dried food. No weapons. How did you let her take you this far when she had no weapons?”

      Clarke watches Tanner look between the men around him and the woman sitting next to him on the ground. Lexa’s eyes are icy as they stare him down, daring him to say something he might regret. He stares back but his fearful gaze hardens the longer he looks at the Commander of Tree Crew. He breaks into a cold smile then before looking back at the leader of the group.

“She does have weapons. But she didn’t need them to bring me this far. This is the leader of the tree bastards. But that’s not even the best part,” He pauses for effect as he looks directly into Lexa’s eyes, “She’s a _natblida, bro_.”

      The men around the group all grip their weapons as they look back and forth between the two. “Do you think she’s the one the commander has been looking for?” one of them says anxiously. Lexa only lets her confusion show on her face for half a second before the hard mask of the commander falls back into place. Clarke watches all of this intensely from above, hand gripped tightly on the handle of Lexa’s sword. _He said she was a_ natblida _. How the hell does he know trigedasleng?_

The leader steps forward and grips Lexa under her chin hard. _“Ron ai ridiyo op, gada.”_

“What does that mean?” Lexa says coldly, and Clarke can see she’s straining against his grip.

      “Don’t lie to me! You speak the language of the Commander!” he screams loudly down at her. He bends closer and sticks his pointer finger against her leg. Clarke watches as it goes past her armor and into a wound she hadn’t even seen in the darkness. Lexa cries out in pain and Clarke has the bow out again, ready to put an arrow through the back of the man’s head.

      “No!” Lexa screams out as she locks eyes with Clarke once again, “No, wait!”

      Thankfully, the man misinterprets her and takes his hand out of her wound. He holds the finger up to someone’s handheld light and wipes the blood off quickly once he sees the inky darkness of her blood. “I guess you’ll live to see another day, Tree Crew girl. Good work, boy. I’d love to set you free but we’ve been hunting you for so long, I’d hate to see all of our efforts wasted.” He nods to one of the young men and Clarke hears the unmistakable sound of a blade being drawn. “Just find peace in the fact that you will die loyal to the cause and not just a coward.”

      Two of them approach Tanner swiftly. One holds his body down on the ground with his boot while the other approaches with a long thick blade. Just as they rests the weapon on the back of Tanner’s neck, he cries out loudly. “Wait, wait, wait! Please, wait!”

_"Yu gonplei ste odon, bushhada.”_

      “There’s another one! Please wait!” The blade freezes in mid-air and so do all the people around him. Except for the boy’s sobbing, the silence is complete.

      “There’s another what?” the man above him finally asks, lowering the blade to rest on the ground while they all wait for him to answer. He looks swiftly between Lexa and the leader of the group before stuttering out a quick, “Another soldier.”

      Before Clarke can think, Lexa has leapt up and launched herself at the boy on the ground. Her hands are free from the rope that bound her earlier and it takes her less than a second to reach him. Clarke only watches her back as she bends close and twists her body roughly to the side. The loud snap of his neck echoes back through the wood and she holds back a shudder at the sound.

      After that, the group bursts into movement around her. One man comes at her front, swinging the sword wildly around his head. She moves aside and knocks him into the dirt easily, taking the sword from his hand as his own momentum launches him into the mud. She crashes the blade down through the next man’s shoulder, taking him out with a single swoop.

      Two more charge her at the same time, while the other two hold back and calmly load a handgun and a crossbow. Clarke doesn’t hesitate anymore as she notches an arrow and lets it fly toward the group. It goes straight into crossbow man’s chest, and he cries out loudly as he falls into the ashes of their fire. The leader notices but it doesn’t let it stop him from loading the gun and taking aim. Lexa just manages to finish off the last of the men when she turns straight into the barrel of the gun.

      She grits her teeth as he raises the pistol and points it directly between her eyes. “Who are you now, little girl?” he says quietly, “Still don’t know what I’m talking about?”

      She shows no emotion as she looks into the old man’s eyes. She steps forward fearlessly, only raising her chin as she speaks in a deep angry voice, _“Ai laik Lexa Woods, Heda kom thotin kru. Ai nou fir wamplei in.”_ Lexa doesn’t flinch or drop her weapon. She only continues to stare into his eyes calmly, holding the long blade at her side.

      He breaks into a victorious smile. “ _Em pleni, gada._ Tell your man in the trees to lower their weapon-” Clarke puts an arrow in the side of his neck before he can say anything else, giving Lexa the opportunity to swipe his gun out of his hands before knocking him down into the dirt. He hits the ground hard but he doesn’t seem to notice as he grips the arrow lodged in the side of his throat.

      _“Yu gonplei ste odon,”_ she says as she steps over his dying body.

      Clarke doesn’t wait for her to finish before she’s scrambling down the side of the tree. She barely has a grip on the bark and the last few feet she falls to the ground, only to be caught by strong arms. She drops her weapons to her side and launches into Lexa with all her strength. She grips her waist like it’s the only thing still holding her on the Earth.

      Lexa doesn’t wait long until she pulls Clarke’s chin up to see her face. Her pupils are wide and the brightness of the blood in her cheeks stands out in a stark contrast against the paleness of her skin. _Fuck_ , Clarke thinks idly as she swipes away a tear that has fallen from her own eye, _She may be in shock but she’s fine. She’s alive!_

      Lexa places a soft kiss on Clarke’s forehead before setting their heads together. She mumbles something under her breath and Clarke recognizes the soft quaking in her lips. “Lexa? It’s ok now baby.”

      Before Clarke can comfort her anymore their lips are coming together roughly. She tries to return the kiss softly but Lexa is wild against her. Clarke is trying to rasp out a word, any word but Lexa’s kiss pulls her under like a swift current. Lexa’s tongue traces her lower lip before nipping at it impatiently. Clarke obeys and allows Lexa’s tongue to tangle with hers. She flicks Lexa’s tongue gently, causing her to gasp.

      Clarke pulls them closer than they already are, groaning loudly when Lexa weaves her hands into the hair at the back of her head. She gently tugs on the fine strands of Clarke’s hair and she feels the heat growing in her stomach again. Her hands start to roam from Lexa’s waist to her ass and thighs, until she winds her leg between Lexa’s and presses firmly against her. Her mate moans into her kiss, ghosting her lips across Clarke’s as she feels her pressing against her center. Clarke leaves a trail of burning kisses down Lexa’s throat and bites gently at her collarbones.

      “ _Klark_ , I’m so sorry. Were you hurt or-” She doesn’t get to finish as Clarke claims her lips again.

“No, I’m fine. Now shut up,” she says harshly, biting Lexa’s lip to accentuate the command. Lexa whimpers when Clarke runs her hands down her side and lifts her up. The movement tweaks her hurt leg and she lets out a small gasp at the sudden pain. Clarke sets her down gently and pulls away to look into her eyes. “Oh god, I’m sorry babe,” she says softly, “You’re going to be ok. We’re going to make it better. I’m going to take care of you, ok? I’m never going to let anything hurt you again.”

      “I thought-”

      “I know, Lexa. I thought- I- It doesn’t matter! I’m fine. _We’re_ fine. We’re both more than fine. Now just kiss me.”

      So Lexa does. She kisses her like it’s the first time and the last. Like she’s never seen Clarke die or been held in her arms while her life flowed out of her. Her hands are still tangled in Clarke’s hair, holding them together tightly.

      The separate for a second while Clarke gently swoops Lexa into her arms. She makes it look easy and Lexa bends toward her to continue their kiss. She can feel Clarke’s light steps underneath them, taking them through the forest and past the camp ground full of dead men. She feels herself being lowered until her rear hits the soft ground near the creek.

      Clarke pulls away from her then, but doesn’t get far because of the long fingers tangled in her mane of hair. “Lex,” she says softly, “Let go, baby. Let go.”

      “Don’t leave. Please. That was-”

      “Too close. I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”

      Clarke’s eyes jump from Lexa’s face to the rapid pulse she can see beating in her neck. A small bead of sweat is running down the side of her temple but she doesn’t seem to feel it while she stares into Clarke. She seems to be deciding whether letting her go is worth the risk.

      “Lexa,” Clarke says softly, “Come back. Don’t zone out on me now. Stay here with me, ok? We’ve got to get this armor off to clean that wound. I’ll be right here where you can see me.”

      Clarke can see her reluctance to release but she does eventually. The separation is soft, Clarke barely feeling her long fingers untangle from her hair, but even the smallest distance is tense. Clarke crawls over to the stream quickly. She wipes the dark black liquid off of her hands and arms before returning with a handful of cool water. Lexa drinks and allows Clarke to begin removing her armor.

      Clarke feels herself becoming more alert of their surroundings, like her senses are stretching away from her brain and traveling the length of the forest floor surrounding them. As she strips her mate, every noise, every splat of rain as it lands on the undergrowth, make her twitch with anxiety. _That was too much. Too close. Way too close. What if he had done it? It would have been so fast-_ She cuts the thought off quickly but the scene she just witnessed keeps playing over and over in her mind.

      She methodically removes plates of armor and stacks them next to her mate as she goes over everything that happened in her head. Her senses became hyperaware in the split second after the gun came up against Lexa’s head. It seemed as if time slowed down. She felt the cool of the moist air against her face, the tense draw of the bow, the quivering in her muscles as she strained to aim. She suddenly became aware that his limbs gave an almost imperceptible shake as he held that gun against her mate’s forehead. She knew that his age would slow his reflexes, thus giving Lexa a chance to escape the imminent death that seemed to loom above them.

 _“_ Ron ai ridiyo op, gada. _” He spoke Trigedasleng. They all spoke it. And they spoke it_ well _. They sounded just like grounders… Who the hell are these people?_ The more she thinks about it, the more it seems like a dream. Like they were ghosts from her past, come to haunt her or, even worse, drag her back to where she came from. A world without Lexa, without a second chance. _This is not a dream,_ she thinks stubbornly, _Or a memory. This is real. Lexa is real. But that doesn’t explain how these people know-_

      “Clarke,” Lexa says softly, her hand rubbing soft circles into the back of her hand. With a quick glance, Clarke sees at some point she had removed all of Lexa’s armor while she was lost in thought. The stacks of her armor panels surround them and Lexa is staring into her eyes with concern. “Clarke, come back.”

      She blinks her eyes heavily before sending Lexa a soft smile. “I’m here. Sorry. I just got caught up. How is your wound?”

      “Hurts.” It’s meant as humor but their most recent close call puts a somber tone on the weak joke. Clarke turns to adjust Lexa’s leg carefully. Touching Lexa’s form, solid and undeniably real, releases some of the nervous tension that had gathered in her stomach. She has to stop herself from running her hands all over her body just to be extra certain of her reality. She manages to focus her attention on the injury in front of her.

      She takes the knife from Lexa’s boot and cuts the material away. When she peels the tight cloth from the skin, a couple blood clots are pulled away as well and dark blood begins to dribble slowly down her leg. “Crap,” she says under her breath. She looks around quickly for something to stop the bleeding and Lexa holds out a small bundle of moss. Clarke only hesitates for a second before taking it and wiping the rivulets away. Once it’s clean, she finds herself falling into an old rhythm.

      Now that she can see it, she notices the wound is mostly clotted now, even after her tampering with it. The dark liquid shimmers as she examines it. She realizes with a start that she’s watching the nanos working to rebuild the torn tissue. She looks closer and watches the silver sparkles pulsate around the gaping hole in Lexa’s calf.

      Clarke looks between the wound and Lexa for a few seconds before making to stand. “I think it needs to be cleaned. Will you be ok here for a minute? I just need to find our supplies-”

      “ _Klark_ , there’s no need. The nanos are doing their job. Please, sit with me.” She holds her arms out to her then and waits. Clarke finds herself sinking back to her knees before she has even decided to stay. She nuzzles her way into Lexa’s arms before she realizes she’s crying. Her mate wraps her up tightly in her embrace and kisses the tears before they can fall off onto the ground.

      “No, your leg- I’ve got to do something-”

      “It is healing. Fortunately, in this life, I have little need for medical assistance,” Lexa says softly, stroking Clarke’s hair as she holds her. “Talk to me. I know there’s something else that’s bothering you.”

      “Is it that obvious?” Clarke says jokingly but Lexa’s nod is serious. “It was the tears, right?”

      “Something like that.”

      Clarke doesn’t want to tell her. She doesn’t want to let out the thoughts that are haunting her. But she knows if she doesn’t, the fear will eat away at her until she loses her mind. “Who are these people, Lexa? How can they speak Trigedasleng? Where do they come from? How do they know about nightbloods?”

      The hand Lexa is stroking her hair with slows. She shakes her head slowly before speaking. Her words are almost a whisper as she says, “I don’t know. I don’t know how they know all the things they do. I don’t know how they speak our language. But I do know these are the people that took Aden. They took him for a reason. Whether they are looking for something or someone, I don’t know. But the fact that they took him at all means there’s a chance he is still alive. I’m only afraid that our chances of saving him are getting slimmer and slimmer.”

      “I know,” Clarke says, “We’re going to find him. We’re going to find both Aden and Lincoln. I just don’t understand how these people could know so much about that time.”

      Lexa nods her head solemnly. “It’s impossible for them to know about that place. You and I are the only ones…”

      “Only ones that what?”

      “We’re not the only ones to know. Other agents know. No living agents know as much as we do.”

      “No _living_ agents?”

 

**_The fort in the north_ **

 

      “Do you recognize me now?”

      The words seem to be spoken from miles away. Aden feels his nanos dragging him back to consciousness against his will. He tries with all of his might to fade again, back into the golden beach he was pulled from.

      “Hey, hey! Wake up, little _natblida._ It’s time to play another game. You can win this one, I promise.” A soft popping sound drums near the voice. He’s trying to place the noise when he’s jolted back into the present. Icy cold water pummels his face, the pain of the pressure on his shattered bones causing him to cry out. “There he is! Welcome back to Hell.”

      He finally manages to open the eye that isn’t swollen shut and the girl across from him giggles playfully. She reaches across the distance and flicks the swollen bulb on the edge of his eyebrow. He stifles his whimper by biting on his own lip which seems to entertain her even more. She smiles darkly when he nicks his own lip with a tooth, licking her lips when a bead of blood pops up. “Oh, do be careful. No need to hurt yourself. We can do that for you.”

      He musters his strength and raises his chin to look her in the eyes. She’s short, dark haired, and so, so familiar. The look seems to irritate her because she tilts her head and approaches his slowly. Her walk is languid, cat-like. She seems more of an animal then anything as she bends to look into his eye. “Are you going to play this time? I have all the time in the world, Woods. We’re waiting on your precious _Heda_ to join the fun now. Which she will be. Soon, right Quint?” She turns to face the man at the door, the man who brought Aden into this room. He nods once and the girl turns back with unsettling swiftness.

      “See? That’s when the real fun will start. She’s bringing me what I need, like a good girl.”

      His chains rattle as he strains to sit higher in his chair. He raises his head and somehow manages to spit out a nearly clear sentence past the aching in his jaw. “You leave her alone.”

      “He speaks,” the girl says happily. She drags her chair closer to him and sits down in front of him eagerly. “I was wondering when your spirit would return. You were feistier the last time I saw you. Imagine my disappointment when I saw your pitiful broken face this morning. Are you going to play my game now?”

      He doesn’t answer but she isn’t discouraged. “You can win this one. I promise. That last game was no fair but this one will be different. If you can answer three of my questions, I’ll let you go back to your room until _Heda Leksa_ arrives. You can see Lincoln. I know you guys are close. My questions are much easier to answer than Quint’s were. We don’t have to talk about Mount Weather anymore.” Her smile is so sweet, Aden believes her for half of a second. Until he sees the cold flash in the eyes. The same look he’s seen in a wounded animal. The edge of madness, when chewing off your own limbs to escape is better than staying locked in a trap.

      He realizes at once what kind of person he is dealing with when she strikes him out of nowhere. Her smile is still plastered across her face as she bring her fist crashing into his already shattered nose. The force of it nearly makes him tumble backwards in the chair but she catches him before he falls to far back. He doesn’t even have the strength to build a shriek at the pain so he settles for a low growl. _She hits like a semi-truck._ Black blood drips down onto his bare chest and he feels the coppery tang sliding down his throat. _How the hell is she so strong?_

      “I’m not going to ask you again, Aden. I’ve been really bored these past few years and I can’t stand to be ignored.”

      He can’t form a word so he nods his head weakly. “Goody,” she says sweetly. She seems to relax as she sits back in her chair. “Now, my first question was do you recognize me now?”

      Aden forces himself to look back into her eyes and he nods. It’s a small affirmation but she claps furiously. He feels himself getting dizzy but the blood has already stopped dripping from the gash in his skin. The percussions of each clap is like a small tap on his brain. _Wake, wake, wake,_ it says.

      “Ok, next question! What is my name?” His heart aches at the words because he knows he can’t answer this one. Ever since he first saw her, he’s been trying to put a name to the face. Every time he tries to think of where he knows her, his mind goes directly back to his last life with Lexa. To his frustration, he only recalls one day of that life. _Lexa told me to protect Clarke. I had to protect her and her people because- Dammit I can’t remember! I had to protect her if I became_ Heda _. Had to protect her-_

      “Tick tock, Aden Woods.” He struggles to sink further into the memory when her hand finds its way to his knee. He flinches away from her touch but she doesn’t seem to care. “Can’t remember, can you? It’s ok. I’ll give you a hint. I was there when you died.”

      He’s there now, in his mind, back in Polis with the other young _natblidas_. They had woken him as they were slaughtered. The remaining children were back into a corner when he flew into action. He didn’t know how but he planned on saving them. Saving the others. They were so small standing against the wall, the little round cheeks covered in soft tears.

      His first strike was hard and it brought her to the ground but she was quicker than him. She jumps back to her feet and begins to swing wildly in his direction. He’s got her attention now and he’s struggling to bat away strike after strike. He remembers the fear he felt welling up in his belly as she swiped the sheath he was using as a weapon from his hands. It clattered across the stone floor loudly and he dove for it. A foolish move, motivated solely by fear but he was beyond caring. The blade sang as it descended and the cut was smooth as butter.

      He knows her now and she’s got the same look in her eye now that she did then. “Ontari,” Aden says then. Disgust creeps into his voice as the noise falls out of his mouth. The tears well in his eyes, memories of slipping across blood soaked floors now fresh in his mind. The wails of dying children surrounding him.

      “Very good, Aden! I knew you knew me!”

      “You bitch,” He sputters. He's angry. More angry than he's ever been in his entire life. His rising blood pressure cause his nose to start dripping again.

      Her smile fades slowly and is replaced by an angry frown. “Really?” she says lowly, a dangerous tone creeping into her voice but Aden is beyond caring.

      His fury gives him the strength to sit up again. He looks deep into her eyes as he says, “Lexa is going to kill you and I hope I’ll be alive to see it,” and then he spits as hard as he can into her face. His blood and saliva splatter across her cheek and eye satisfyingly. He doesn’t get to see her swipe it away. A hard clang sounds and his head is rocked forward. He bites his tongue as he whips forward. His vision starts to tunnel and the last thing he hears would have send chills down his spine if he weren’t fading into oblivion.

      “No, don’t kill him. Lexa will be happy to see him.”

 

**_Polis Training Area_ **

****

Indra paces in irritation as the small party jumps out of Anya’s black council issued SUV. The five civilians follow Anya across the open center of the camp to the base of the communication tent steps. The oldest of the civilians follows Anya’s lead and stares calmly up at her while the four young ones look around nervously at the men and women frantically preparing the camp in case of an attack.

      “What is this, Anya?”

      “We’ve come to find Clarke and bring her home.” The one who answers is the woman standing behind Anya and Indra spears her with her most steely look before ignoring her and stepping off the steps to come nose to nose with her former soldier.

      “They need to leave. You all do. We’ve got a situation here and civilians are the last thing I need to be worried about.”

      The other woman continues to question Indra even after being blatantly ignored earlier which only serves to piss her off even more. “What kind of situation?”

      Before she can answer Anya steps between Indra’s view of her and cuts off the woman’s approach. “That’s classified information as of now, Mrs. Griffin.” Now she turns back to look at Indra with a grim frown across her face. “We’re here on council orders. Where is she, Indra? We’ll be out of your hair as soon as-”

     “She’s not here, Anya!”

      There’s only a slight pause before the group erupts into panicked questioning. “What? What do you mean she’s not here? Then where the hell is she?” The loudest voice is from one of the young women as she brushes past the three people standing between her and Anya. Indra barely takes her eyes off of Anya but it’s enough to make her do a visible double take at the young woman. She’s dressed in mostly black, with a brown bag slung over her shoulder. Her hair is pulled back and braided along the sides of her head, revealing furious green eyes over a set jaw. She doesn’t waver as Indra turns and removes her glare from Anya, which impresses the lieutenant slightly, much to her consternation. Both her friends and Anya reach out to hold the young girl back.

      “Take it easy, O.” The boy says over her shoulder as he looks wearily between the two women. Indra watches the battle within the girl taking place over whether to throw their hands off and continue the approach or allow them to slow her. She can’t help the sneer as the girl allows herself to be stopped.

      “Who are you? Who is this?” Indra says when the girl doesn’t answer immediately.

      Her smirk angers the young girl and she puffs out her chest as she answers back indignantly. “My name is Octavia.”

      “Octavia what?”

      “Octavia Blake,” Anya says nonchalantly over the girls shoulder, “And this is Abby Griffin, Clarke’s mother. The other three are Bellamy, Raven, and Wells, Clarke’s friends.”

      “Well, Octavia Blake, your friend is not here. She’s somewhere out in the wilderness with my commander. And unless you’re capable of helping me find them or where they’re headed so we can send reinforcements, you need to leave. I have no time to babysit five civilians and an out of commission has-been warrior.”

      “We’re not leaving until we find Clarke,” Octavia says as she takes a wide step into Indra’s personal space. This time she doesn’t allow anyone to stop her. She walks straight into Indra’s chest, eyebrows drawn together stubbornly.

      A loud guffaw interrupts their stare down and Anya drapes an arm over the young Octavia Blake. “Holy shit, now that’s a first. I knew you two would get along but could you please get a room? Wow. But seriously, I specifically have orders not to leave without Clarke so we’re all SOL. But I propose we all go inside and kill each other there, shall we? I’ve grown painfully accustomed to air conditioning and sitting on my ass twenty-four seven so this heat is really starting to irritate me.”

      The only people to move are Anya, Abby, and Wells. They stride past the staring competition to make their way up the stairs and indoors. Bellamy and Raven stand on either side of Octavia, looking over her shoulders as they wait for the other to make their move. Indra opens her mouth to speak but is interrupted by a loud scream from an open window. “Cut the crap and get your asses in here!”

      Only two of the young people turn their eyes sheepishly from the glowering lieutenant. The other girl grabs Octavia’s hand as she screams, “Sorry mom!” and tries to pull her away from Indra. Octavia doesn’t let herself be moved until the boy puts a firm hand on her shoulder. “Let it go, O,” he says softly behind her and she does. Her dark eyes go light again and Indra takes note of the soft squeeze she gives the other girls hand.

      “Fine,” Octavia says, “Let’s go.”

      The three young people move past her and into the building at her back. Indra doesn’t turn but she listens as they whisper to each other up the stairs.

_Octavia Blake. Appears to be a well of untapped potential. With the right teacher, you could make a fine soldier._

      Her radio crackles at her hip. “Lieutenant,” Carl Emerson says, “We found it.”

      She takes the steps two at a time into the communications tent. The group is huddled around a bright screen on the far wall. She manages to bully her way through the group until she’s standing between Emerson and Anya.

      “We used the drone ma’am. I don’t know for certain if this is it but they were headed in this general direction and this is the only structure for miles. It’s surrounded by dense forests so that’s why it was so hard to find it by satellite.” The image is grainy but she can still see that the fort is weakly fortified and primitive looking. The walls seem to be guarded only at the corners at the towers. “It seems to be surrounding a small village.”

      "That's it," Indra says before looking across the room at Echo’s team. “Call in reinforcements. We’re going to find our people.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigedasleng
> 
> Yu souda chil yu au, Klark- you need to calm down, Clarke  
> Beja- Please  
> Em pleni, planripa- that's enough, ladykiller  
> Reshop Wanheda. Ai na ai raun.- goodnight, commander of death. I will stand watch.  
> Natblida, bro- nightblood, brother  
> Ron ai ridiyo op, gada- speak true, girl  
> Yu gonplei ste odon, bushhada- your fight is over, coward  
> Ai laik Lexa Wood, Heda kom thotin kru. Ai nou fir wamplei in.- I am Lexa Woods, Commander of the thirteen clans. I do not fear death.  
> Em pleni, gada- That's enough, girl.  
> Heda Leksa- Commander Lexa
> 
> Again, translations may not be accurate :/ 
> 
> Thanks for sticking around!


	9. God blessed them and said to them fill the earth and subdue it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We catch up with Lexa and Clarke. Also Aden and Ontari. It's not much but it will be my slow start to finishing this. TRIGGER WARNING: RAPE  
> You've been warned. I don't want anyone to get too upset.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll explain the long absence in another chapter. For now, I wanted to give you guys something. All I can say right now is that I'm sorry I've been gone so long. There will be trigedasleng translations at the end of the chapter. It's been a while so some of them might be wrong. I apologize in advance for any grammatical and translation errors.

Lexa is brought back from her dreamless sleep by the sound of heavy bodies being dragged across the ground. Her fingers habitually move to graze the normally tender spot on her forearm but there’s no more pain, no more of the dull ache that has haunted her every waking moment for the past two years. The realization fills her with utter and complete relief.

A grunt of disgust brings her out of her thoughts and she moves to crawl out of the low shelter. Displaced water sprinkles the top of her head softly. Thick clouds are still hovering around the mountain range, leaving their camp in a light fog.

She sees Clarke’s hunched form across the fire pit. Her hands are gripping the legs of one of the mysterious men that died the night before. She’s dragging him toward the cover of the trees at her back with ease but Lexa still stands to approach her. Clarke doesn’t seem to notice her until Lexa reaches out to grasp the leg closest to her.

“Let me help,” she says softly and the blonde girl releases. They silently move the body out of the small clearing. After dragging it next to the other six bodies that are laying shoulder to shoulder in the dirt, Lexa reaches out and grasps Clarke’s hand. She startles herself but Clarke doesn’t hesitate to return the hold. The gesture seems habitual, but it’s obviously not a habit developed in this lifetime. Yet their fingers weave together naturally.

Standing silently under the cover of the trees, Lexa absorbs the vibrations in the air around them. She feels the water dripping from the leaves above her onto the moss covered ground at their feet. Birds flutter from branch to branch overhead. The high pitch of their songs pierce her ears so she drowns it out by focusing her attention on the woman next to her.

Clarke stands collectedly at her side but Lexa can feel a tautness beneath the surface. She smells like citrus and bright sunshine on a warm spring morning under the dirt and sweat on her skin.

Lexa can feel Clarke’s warmth through the thin cloth and armor separating them from each other. She sneaks a peek at her discreetly. Her blood is pumping quickly in the vein in her neck. If Lexa didn’t know any better, she would have thought she was anxious. But she knew Clarke’s raised heart rate and body temperature were caused by the nanos coursing through her blood.

“I’ve been on the ground for six days. Five nights,” She breaks the silence suddenly, releasing Lexa’s hand as she does so, “I’ve killed or helped kill three men and I’ve witnessed a handful more die. I remember so much death. In my head, it was different. I didn’t hesitate to kill last night because what I remembered was simpler. Black and white. But this body, this heart… I’ve never actually felt this in this life. This feeling… it’s not black and white anymore, Lexa.”

Clarke’s statement takes her by surprise. As a soldier and an agent, Lexa’s witnessed death firsthand in this life many times. Not as much as the last life, never in any of her lives has she seen as much death as she did as a grounder. But even here in this peaceful world, she’s witnessed many people pass into their next life, sent a few of them there herself. But she never thought for a second about how Clarke would deal with the burden of death. She never even considered that it would faze her. But it’s true. Clarke has never known death here, never witnessed it firsthand at least.

“Clarke,” she says as she turns toward her mate slowly, “It had to be done… it was us or them. It was-” Her eyes travel across Clarke’s face, taking in every detail. From the sallow color of her skin to the dark circles under her bright blue eyes. She feels the familiar ache in her chest beginning. She can’t help but reach out to cradle Clarke’s face between her hands. “ _Niron_ … I never want you to hurt like this-”

“I know,” Clarke whispers. The glistening in her eyes grows brighter and a single tear spills down her cheek. It’s almost like Lexa can feel all the anguish in Clarke’s heart falling out with that single tear, the weight of all her sorrow helping it glide down her face. “I know it had to be done. I just couldn’t remember how it really feels… to see the bodies and know they’re gone because of you. I know they don’t deserve these tears. They stole our brother. Their allies are doing god knows what to him right now. But the memories… the memories are nothing compared to reality.”

Lexa takes her hand gently again and leads her back into their camp slowly. Clarke’s fingers are cold and her palm is slick with a chilly sweat. “Most of the time, it’s a blessing the memories are never as clear as reality, Clarke. It’s kept me from staying in that in-between. Because as much as you try, the things you see in that place are not where we truly are.” She grimaces delicately as she steps over a dried puddle of blood, “I am sorry, Clarke. I wish more than anything I could have spared you from reliving this particular feeling, especially in this life. I never wanted you to remember what it feels like to kill. Considering how peaceful this world can be, I never even thought it would be something I’d have to worry about. But I can tell you one thing: it fades. This terrible aching hurt and guilt at ending another persons life will fade. I don’t think it ever really goes away. But the pain of it gets smaller and smaller with every passing year.”

Clarke pulls her to a stop slowly and wraps her arms around Lexa’s waist tightly. She presses their foreheads together before whispering a soft “thank you.”

Lexa returns the embrace without hesitation, the color rising in her cheeks as she squeezes her mate tightly. “You’re welcome, _ai niron_.”

The embrace only lasts for a second before Clarke pulls back. Lexa’s heart gives a soft twinge at the distance but she allows her to move away. “ _Moba_ , Lex. I’m not-”

“ _Nou get yu daun, Klarke._ There’s no need to apologize.” She replies, awkwardly shifting her weight as Clarke moves to grab the pack at her feet.

Almost as if a switch were flipped, the moisture leaves her eyes and a steely cool gaze replaces it. When she stands, it’s almost as if Lexa can physically see Clarke becoming the feared Wanheda again. Her stance is tall and straight, chin raised high as she straightens the pistol at her hip casually. “What’s our plan now, _Heda_?”

The title falling from between Clarke’s perfect lips makes her stomach flutter in an all too familiar way. Somehow, she manages to look away so she can gather her senses. She slings Aden’s bow and a crudely made quiver over her shoulders and tightens the sword at her hip before answering.

“We follow the yellow brick road.”

 

The Fort in the North

 

“Lincoln, wake up! Please open your eyes!”

Aden tries hard not to panic. His one open eye begins to throb. His blood pressure creeps higher and higher with every second Lincoln doesn’t respond. “Buddy, you have to stay awake. Please, just move your finger or something to show that you hear me.”

Aden sees no response. From his position, he can see Lincoln’s pulse thumping weakly in his neck but that’s really the only movement. He lets out a frustrated whimper, worrying the chains around his wrists without pause.

“It’s going to be ok, Linc. I’m gonna get us out of here, I promise. I won’t let us die here. You owe me a steak dinner, remember? I bet you thought I’d forget. No way, buddy, this thing is like a steel trap. I’ve got a lot stored in this big head of mine. I’ve got everything we need to escape so your only job is to wake up, ok? That’s all you gotta do. Open those big beautiful brown-”

“Shut up…”

The pained voice is so quiet Aden is almost sure he doesn’t really hear it. For a split second, he thinks he imagines it. But he inches as close to Lincoln as he can get on the short length of chain and nearly passes out from relief when his friend raises his head.

“You never know when to shut up,” Lincoln says quietly. He suddenly loses all strength and his head falls back to the floor with a dull thump.

“Linc!” Aden goes to pull against the chain but his injured shoulder tweaks and he lets out a painful breath.

“I’m fine,” Lincoln says into the floor, groaning when he tries to turn onto his back. “Ok, I’m not really fine. Did I hear you say you have a plan or was that just to get me to answer?”

Aden doesn’t reply and that’s all the answer Lincoln needs. He returns to trying to bury his head further into the ground.

“Linc, don’t. It’s going to be ok. Lexa is coming for us. We can’t give up hope. We have to keep fighting-”

“I don’t want to fight anymore Aden! I can’t-” Lincoln stifles a groan and folds into himself even further. Fresh tears spring into Aden’s eyes as he realizes how broken his friend truly is. “I’m sorry, Aden, I just… I don’t know how much more of this I can take. They keep asking me all these questions about Mount Weather and city emergency protocols, even questions that I would never know the answer to. I don’t know how much more I can take before I start to talk.”

“Just talk, Linc. Tell them whatever you have to.” Lincoln doesn’t answer, only sobs softly into the floor. “Tell them whatever, it doesn’t even matter. Just stay alive, ok? We only have to stay alive a little while longer.”

“Because the commander is coming…”

“Yes, exactly,” Aden says as he slide the thick piece of rubber between his teeth. He positions the iron cuff between his knees and gives a hard yank. His thumb pops out of place with a small snap and he bites down into the rubber to keep the pained groan from escaping.

Lincoln’s head twists around at the sound. “Aden, what the fuck are you doing?!” He tries to sit but his broken wrist can’t handle his weight and he tumbles back to the floor with a pained cry. “Damn it! Why did you do that, Aden? The guard could come back any second! It’s not worth it.”

Aden launches the bits of rubber out of his mouth as he sits up. “He won’t come back,” he says calmly, “He’s not going to be back for another fifteen minutes.”

“Fifteen minutes? That’s not enough time for you to get out. We don’t even know where we are or what this place looks like.”

“I’m not leaving Linc. I’m not leaving here without you and as many others as we can find. But we need to be ready when Lexa finds us. If I know her, and I do, she’s not going to come in here guns blazing but there will be enough confusion that we might slip away. We at least need to try to escape as soon as things start to go downhill.”  
Aden takes his other hand and wrenches it from the other cuff. Breaking that thumb hurts just as bad as the first but he forgot the rubber. He accidentally bites his tongue.

“Ouch,” he says through a mouthful of blood. The nanos burn under his skin as they get to work fixing his thumbs. He knows if he sits still enough, he could feel the bones moving back into place. But he knows he doesn’t have that luxury. So he sits up and shuffles to the corner furthest from him.

“What are you doing? Aden?”

He doesn’t say anything as he turns and crawls back to the door. He stands and peeks through the bars before slipping his arm through. It’s nearly impossible to hold the nail between his fore and middle finger. Somehow he manages to pick the simple lock before it slips from his grasp and clatters onto the floor. He opens the door slowly, his heart pounding with every creak.

His right leg isn’t completely healed but he still manages a painful limp as he steps out of the room. He turns to pull the door closed and his gaze meets Lincoln’s. Aden can see the barely concealed panic and his mind flashes back to his first snared rabbit. Terror, unflinching, ultimate terror.

“I’ll be right back. I promise.”

Lincoln only nods his head in affirmation, never blinking as the heavy bars close between them.

 

Aden’s steps echo softly down the hall as he limps to the first corner. It’s the longest walk of his life. Sweat drips down his forehead and between his shoulder blades, most of it from stress but the rest of it from the dull aching pain reverberating through his body. He’s never been more aware of how much noise he’s making before this moment.

Just a little further, he thinks to himself with each step, just around the next corner.

As he approaches the first bend, he hears the faint scrape of sharp metal against a whetstone and he freezes. Back pressed against the wall, he eases closer to the edge and dares a quick peek. Two tall, bearded men sit on either side of the hall. One, whose head is leaned against the wall at his back, appears to be sleeping. The other is hard at work sharpening a long hunting knife.

With every scrape of the metal, Aden can feel his resolve withering. Fully healed, he could kill the two men in less than a minute. He can even visualize how it would be done. But the ache in his bones forces him to hesitate, to think differently about his approach. Come in from the left to take out the sleeping guard would open him to attacks from that gnarly knife on the right. Attack from the right and sleeping man would only have to strike once in the right position for Aden to go down.

While Aden hesitates, he doesn’t notice the sleeping man rotate his head slightly toward the tiny plastic piece in his ear. But he does hear his boots scrape against the floor as he stretches. Panic takes over and his mind starts bouncing back and forth from the corner to the door between him and Lincoln and the pain in his body, always the burning pain.

“Come out, _strik natblida_ ,” the man says softly, “We know you’re there. The commander has something to show you.”

 

Aden turned the corner and followed the men down the hall without a fight. They walked without speaking, the two bearded behemoths clomping ahead, broken and bent Aden limping a few paces behind. He tries to calm his pounding heart with the meditative breathing exercises he’s watched Lexa perfect for the past decade. He only successfully manages to make himself even more dizzy than before.

The hallway ends in two double doors. The giants stop on either side of the doorway as Aden limps closer. The door is propped open with a large boot. A boot Aden has come to know quite well these past couple days, considering how many times he’s seen the toe of it descending toward his face. He can’t see Quint’s face in the darkness of the room beyond but he can smell him. Fury and fear are the only two words Aden could use to describe the smell coming from that doorway.

Without warning, one man snatches him by the hair and launches him into the darkness. He tries to catch himself but he slides across the expanse of the room before being stopped by a heavy pile. If the floor hadn’t been covered in some thick wetness, that throw might have hurt him more.

He’s thankful until the coppery smell assaults him. He gags heavily but has nothing to regurgitate. The blood is cold on his skin and on the verge of congealing. It’s heavy on his clothes. He scrambles forward only to clamber against the body that stopped his glide across the rest of the room.

“He wasn’t happy with his quarters. Most boys would die to bunk with the commander.” Ontari launches into a cackling fit of giggles from somewhere above him.

It’s hard to tear his eyes from the mangled face of the boy beneath him. Long thin cuts paint his face and neck. The order of the cuts is almost as disturbing as the scream frozen on the young boys face. When he finally does look away, he has to let his eyes adjust to the dark of the room. A pair of boot clad legs dangles directly in front of him. Ontari is perched on the edge of a long wooden desk, a wall of mismatched screens at her back. The screens are all on but the pictures are dark and they flash from one scene to another. He can see views from around a fenced-in compound, down long, dimly lit hallways, an empty mess hall, and rolling views of snow covered fields.

“I guess he kind of did. Die, I mean. I hated to let him go but he stopped caring there in the end. He just laid there and let me do what I wanted. That’s fucking boring. I like it so much more when they fight. I like the taste of their tears.” The hair begins to rise on the back of Aden’s neck as her legs sway back and forth beside his ear. His eyes drift up past her boots slowly. She seems to only be wearing a thin pair of lacy underwear and a long sleeved white button-up shirt. He struggles to keep his face emotionless but her exposed body chills him to his core.

He notices the bloody streaks coating every inch of her exposed skin. He tries not to imagine the boy struggling with Ontari, begging her for his life. Until he sees her bloodstained hands. _She painted herself. She’s painted herself with his blood._

Aden barely stifles another gag. He tries sitting back on his heels to put some distance between them and nearly slips in the puddle of blood behind him.

She slithers over the edge of the desk as if to approach him causing him to flinch at the quickness of the movement. It’s inhuman how fast she can move. Even with his enhanced eyesight, he can barely track her movements. It makes her laugh coldly but instead of approaching, she turns and begins tapping on the computer at her back.

“I’m betting you gentlemen are wondering why I brought you here today. Well, we’ve had some major advancements in our _tek_ in the past few years but research has slowed since the loss of our head scientist. Today, we begin the process of starting anew in our research efforts. A couple new subjects,” she taps the keyboard loudly and the screens at her back flash to a new picture, “have recently been made available for collection.”

The picture is grainy and nearly impossible to make out because of how shaky the camera is. The film takes place in a thick forest so trees continuously interrupt the image. But Aden knows in an instant what he’s seeing. Two young girls, clad in tree crew armor. One has a slight limp and is gripping his hand carved bow and a handful of arrows in one hand. The other, her hair like sunshine, wielding a long thin blade.

Tears spring up in his eyes as he lets out a low laugh. “I knew it,” he says softly, “I knew she’d come for me. You are so so screwed.”

Her eyes never leave his face, like she wants to drink in his every reaction. Right now he doesn’t care. His heart seems to rise from the sunken place in his chest as he watches them make their way gracefully down a shallow mountainside. He’s too happy to notice the smile dissipate on Ontari’s face. He’s too busy watching his sisters make their way to him to notice Quint approaching softly from behind him. Before he can resist, he’s lifted and thrown back down into a chair. The leviathan of a man wrenches the boys arms behind him and ties his wrists together tightly. He makes quick work of both ankles after that and drags the chair closer to the desk where Ontari has been leaning lazily.

Her approach is slow and deliberate. His eyes bounce back and forth between her approaching form and the screens at her back. The camera zooms out slowly, exposing the woods surrounding the girls. Ontari straddles him suddenly, eyes never leaving his. “Do you really think that, little boy?” Her voice is terrifyingly deadpan as she runs a finger slowly down his cheek. The blood is still sticky.

Her nail running beneath his jawline makes goosebumps jump up across his entire body. He’s trying even harder now to not look her in the eye. He has to force himself to focus on the movement in the screen in front of him. The leaves are bouncing forcefully in the breeze. Almost as if they were walking in the middle of a storm. But the two are making their way through the forest calmly, their mouths moving every once in a while as they chat.

“That’s right, _strik natblida_. Look a little closer. One of these things is not like the other…”

Suddenly it hits him and he realizes what he’s looking at. _The shaking leaves, the wind, it’s not natural. It’s visual interference! It’s-_

“You see, we’ve made a pretty good living smuggling top secret weaponry from private parties to certain other private parties. My daddy was the one that realized we could be so much more than simple outlaws. So, instead of smuggling, we switched to stealing. Especially packages to and from that mysterious military base in the mountain.”

“No…” The nausea returns full force, twisting his stomach in a vice grip. A cold sweat breaks out across his forehead.

“We’ve found some neat stuff over the years. Like top grade, military issued camo suits. Have you ever seen those things up close? They’re covered in scales. We call them shark suits. They work really well too. You blend in with the environment obviously but they also mask everything else you could think of. Heat, scent.”

His heart is thumping erratically in his chest as he watches the shaking leaves move closer to the pair in the woods. From the camera’s view, he can see that they’re surrounded on all sides. His words are hollow but he looks her in the eye when he speaks. “You can’t take her. You’re crazier than I thought if you think this ragtag band of hillbillies can capture a commanding nightblood agent.”

“Ragtag?” She says with a chuckle, “Hillbillies? Wow it’s almost like you’re forgetting how you came to be in my possession in the first place. _Tel ai op, strikon. Yu wich em in?_ ”

He doesn’t answer. He knows it’s trigedasleng but he hasn’t practiced enough with Lexa to know exactly what she’s saying. He turns his gaze back to the horror on the screen. It’s like watching the one person he loves the most in the world fall into a pit of snakes.

“ _Yu beda nou wich em in. Du nou bilaik heda. Du ste kwelen… Du na ron we, Aden._ ”

His face burns angrily at that. “You shut your mouth. You’re a liar. You don’t know her. She’d die before she ran from you.” He watches Clarke reach out to pull Lexa to a stop. They share a glance before putting their backs to each other. They raise the weapons in their hands but Aden knows it’s futile.

“ _Gon kep Wanheda klin, yu heda na ban yu op_ ,” she says with a smile. She grinds herself onto him roughly. The movement startles him so much he cries out and tries to shake her off. His struggling only brings them closer. He clenches his thighs together, begging his body not to react to the friction. She begins to pant in his face. He tries to turn away but she yanks his chin back roughly. “It’s ok to be afraid, Aden. I don’t want you to want this.”

Bile starts to rise in his throat. For the first time, he wishes they had killed him. He wishes to be anywhere but here. Heaven, hell, the next place, anywhere but under this monster as she rolls her hips back and forth on top of his lap.

He’s shaking from flexing the muscles in his legs for so long. His wrists are starting to bleed from pulling against his bonds. He feels the aluminum arms of the chair bending with each hard pull. He wants to keep pulling. In his head, he hopes that he can pull the chair apart and escape. But in his heart, he knows the chair won't break on time. He'll strain enough to hurt himself but she won't let him escape this. He turns his eyes from the bloodstained face in front of him to the screens at her back, desperately reaching for any kind of distraction from this horrible reality.

“Another useful thing we’ve stolen? Elephant tranquilizers. Much cheaper than bullets. Not surprising though since all the elephants are extinct.”

The fleeting moment of peace on the screen has passed. He doesn’t see the dart shoot across but he sees Clarke gripping the slim cylinder after it finds its mark. She rips it from her neck with a curse and throws it into the dirt. He watches as she fights to stay upright. She only lasts a few seconds before dropping to one knee. Lexa turns and dives to catch her before Clarke’s head meets a stone. Holding the blond in her lap, she notches an arrow and lets it fly. A figure tumbles from the branches overhead.

She notches another but freezes. He sees her mouth open in a silent roar. She knocks the dart from where it’s caught her in the upper thigh. Lexa drops the bow in her hand and trades it for the long hunting knife at her hip. Her eyes are rolling back and forth in her head as she sways.

He feels Ontari’s hands scrape the thin material between his hips. There’s a flash and he feels that he’s been cut free. His eyes are overflowing now. He’s struggling to clear the moisture from his eyes when he sees Lexa fall back on her rump. She holds herself over Clarke before collapsing into the dirt next to her. The last thing he sees before the screen goes dark is _Heda Leksa_ finally losing consciousness.

“She will watch me kill you. I can promise you that. But until then, we’ll keep each other busy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigedasleng
> 
> Niron- loved one  
> Moba- an apology  
> Nou get yu daun, Klarke- stop worrying, Clarke  
> Strik natblida- little nightblood  
> Tek- technology  
> Tel ai op, strikon- tell me, little one  
> Yu wich em in?- you trust her?  
> Yu beda nou wich em in.- you shouldn't trust her.  
> du nou bilaik heda- she's not a leader  
> du ste kwelen- she is weak  
> du na ron we, aden- she will run away, aden  
> gon kep wanheda klin, yu heda na ban you op- to save wanheda, your commander will abandon you

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for the read!


End file.
